The Marriage Game
by stanaxbanana
Summary: Kate Beckett has just woken up after her shooting, but things aren't quite what they're supposed to be. AU from 4x01. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Sooo..I haven't written anything in over two years! However I'm currently rewatching Castle and have started using tumblr more again, when I saw a prompt on castlefanficprompts and kinda liked it. I'm so happy that people have still been writing even though the show has ended now and decided I'd get back into it with this. May be a little rusty, but I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

 **Prompt: In Rise, when Beckett wakes up after the shooting, she thinks she's married to Castle.**

"Hey, you're awake," a voice said softly somewhere in the room. It was familiar, but Kate couldn't quite put her finger on who it was. Opening her eyes slowly, Kate blinked a few times until the room came into focus. It was a hospital room, she could tell that much just by the smell, and there were flowers, dozens of them scattered around her bedside. Searching the room for the source of the voice, her gaze landed on a figure perched at the end of her bed.

"Where's Castle?" she croaked out, swallowing a few times to bring her voice back properly. She could put a name to the voice now - it was Josh. Though she wasn't entirely clear about why he was here.

Josh looked a little put out at her question, his brow furrowing into slight confusion. "Uh..I don't know, he hasn't been here since the shooting." Josh replied, trying not to let his frustration show. "How are you feeling?" He was trying to change the subject. Sure, Castle was her ' _partner'_ and all but seriously? She'd just woken up from major heart surgery and the first thing she wanted to know was where writer boy was?!

"Like a sumo wrestler is sitting on my chest," Kate replied, breathing out a laugh. "Ouch," she winced, gritting her teeth as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "And what do you mean, he hasn't been here since the shooting?" Kate asked, her memory flashing back to the incident. She remembered it all..standing up there giving the speech at Montgomery's funeral, saying how lucky she was to have someone like Castle by her side day in, day out. The gunshot echoing around the cemetery, Castle rugby tackling her to the floor in an effort to save her.

His whispers of how he loved her as she fought to stay awake, stay alive.

Her sweet Castle.

"What did you expect him to do, sit around here at your bedside until you woke up?" Josh scoffed, his annoyance becoming clear now. His girlfriend had nearly died, he had watched the life slip away from her when she lost consciousness on that operating table. His hand had been inside her chest as he tried his hardest to save her damn life and she was asking about the man who had got her into this in the first place?

Kate frowned at the doctor. She had no idea why he was acting like this. Her and Josh had dated for a while a couple of years back and she appreciated that he was here now, checking she was okay. Well, when your ex-girlfriend gets shot and ends up going to the hospital you work at, it'd be a little rude not to check in but there really was no reason for him to get so angry with her now. They'd broken up a while back, when he was too busy off saving the world to ever have time for her. Sure, it was admirable what he did, working for Doctors without Borders but relationships took compromise - and it was always Kate compromising to his demands, always doing what Josh wanted to do.

"Well yeah," Kate replied sarcastically. "I'd like to think my husband would be sat here after I got shot, waiting for me to wake up."

* * *

Richard Castle was bored. The new captain had kicked him out of the 12th Precinct the second she'd arrived, the files Ryan and Esposito had thrown at him as he was being kicked out had produced a hundred dead ends, and he couldn't concentrate enough to write.

It had been four days since the shooting and Beckett still hadn't woken up. They'd kept her in an induced coma to help her heal better, after the operation she needed to rest and knowing Beckett, she'd be on the case the second she woke up.

He hadn't visited the hospital since the incident with Josh, deciding it best to leave it until Beckett had woken up and he could talk to her then. But now, Alexis and his mother had gone shopping and he was sat in his office staring at a blank document on his laptop.

His thoughts filtered back to the moment Beckett had been shot. He had been so close to getting to her in time, from preventing all of this. If he'd just seen the rifle a second earlier, Beckett wouldn't have been shot and they'd be at the precinct together now, chasing up any lead they had on her shooter.

After a call to the mayor, of course. He'd need to get his way back into the precinct somehow what with a new captain and all.

Castle was contemplating heading out to grab some food and get some air when his phone rang. It was an unknown caller, but he answered anyway with a brisk "Castle."

The voice on the other end was the last person he was expecting to call him. "Hey it's um..it's Josh."

Josh. As in in Beckett's boyfriend. The same boyfriend who had blamed the shooting on Castle just a few days ago.

"Oh..erm hi, Josh. Is everything okay? Is Beckett okay?" Castle replied, a little confused and also a little worried. There was only one reason he could think of why Josh would be calling him and it wasn't one he wanted to even think about.

"Er yeah, she's fine..she's awake, actually," Josh revealed, not sounding quite as happy as he should that his girlfriend had woken up after being shot in the chest. "She's um, asking for you."

Castle barely suppressed a smirk at that. Beckett had woken up, which flooded him with relief, and she was asking for him. "Oh that's great news!" Castle exclaimed. "Give me an hour and I can be there to see her?"

"Sure," Josh replied. "Oh, one more thing? She thinks the two of you are…married."

The line went dead before Castle could even comprehend Josh's last comment.

* * *

Josh shoved his cell phone back into his pocket, letting out a frustrated sigh. He needed to talk to Kate again before writer boy showed up. He wasn't about to tell her she wasn't actually married to her favourite author, but he wouldn't be a good doctor without figuring out what she was thinking and why she was confused.

Of all the people she could wake up thinking she was married to, it was him. Kate had told him time and time again that Castle was just her partner at work, there was nothing between them and he had believed her. Of course he'd seen the way Castle looked at her and her him, and yeah he'd admit he got a little jealous of their relationship sometimes, especially when he had to work away and he knew they'd still be spending time together, but still, her waking up and thinking she was married to the guy was a step too far.

Knocking softly on the door to Kate's room before entering, Josh took a deep breath to calm himself. He wasn't going to shatter her illusion right now, she'd just woken up from major surgery.

"Hey," he smiled, heading to the foot of her bed, "I called Castle, he'll be here within the hour." He tried not to let it get to him how happy that seemed to make her. "Just need to check how you're doing first though..can you tell me what year it is?"

"2011," she shot back quickly. "I got shot in the chest, not the head. I know what year it is."

"And who's the president?" Josh asked, ignoring her comment.

"Obama," she sighed, rolling her eyes, "seriously, what is this?" She couldn't understand the need for his incessant questioning on current affairs.

"Okay, fine," Josh said, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Castle will be here soon." And he left the room, leaving her to wonder what the hell was going on. She clearly didn't want to speak to him, he'd let writer boy bring her up to date.

* * *

Castle arrived at the hospital 45 minutes later, a bunch of flowers from the florist in one hand. He was still slightly concerned at Josh's comment about Beckett thinking they were married but his need to see her outweighed any concerns. He took the elevator up to the fourth floor, stopped at the nurses station to ask what room Beckett was in, and then made his way down to room 447. He needn't have asked - there were two uniformed officers stood guard outside her room.

Taking a deep breath, Castle smiled at the officers before making his way into Beckett's room. It wasn't until he actually saw her, sat up in bed with her hair in a french braid, that he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He knew she was okay, the boys had told him that, and Josh had called just an hour ago letting him know she was awake, but it wasn't until he saw her with his own two eyes that he knew for sure that she was okay.

"Hey you," he smiled, making his way into the room and placing a kiss on her forehead. "How are you doing?"

"Hey!" she beamed as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. "A little sore but the pain meds are helping. I'm so happy to see you!"

"Oh yeah?" Castle replied.

"Yes, of course," Beckett frowned. Why was everyone acting so weird? "Why wouldn't I be? I was expecting you to be here when I woke up.." she let her voice trail off, wondering why exactly he hadn't been here when she woke up but her ex boyfriend had been.

Josh had been telling the truth then. The shooting had obviously distorted her memory somehow, leading her to believe they were married. "Erm..look, Beckett, the thing is," Castle began but Kate interrupted him.

"Castle, where's your ring?" She was staring at his left hand, in particular his fourth finger which was empty of any jewellery, a look of hurt crossing her face.

"Beckett...Kate," Castle sighed. "The thing is...we're-" but Castle was interrupted again before he could finish his sentence. This time, it was due to the arrival of Josh, poking his head around the door to check up on them.

"How're things going in here, then?" Josh asked with a pointed look at Castle.

Beckett looked from Josh to Castle and back again. What on earth was going on? Why was Josh still hanging around? "Does someone wanna tell me what's going on here?" she asked into the silent room.

Castle said nothing. Normally, he'd love this - the woman he was crazy in love with thinking they were married, that would be a dream come true. However, when her current boyfriend was also in the room, it made things slightly more difficult. As much as he wasn't Josh's biggest fan, he had to hand it to the guy - he was taking things pretty well. Though Castle suspected that partly had something to do with the fact that he was meant to be in there setting the record straight, and telling Beckett they weren't actually married..

Which, from Beckett's question, Josh realised still hadn't been sorted.

"Josh, I appreciate you hanging around to check I'm okay," Beckett said when neither men answered. "But still, unless there's something medical that needs doing urgently, I'd quite like some time with Castle."

Castle shot an apologetic look in the doctor's direction. "Beckett, look, we need to talk," Castle began. "You and I, we're not married. I'm your partner but at work only. You and Josh..you're together." For how much longer, he wasn't sure, but for now he knew they were.

Kate seemed to be having trouble understanding this latest revelation. Her brow furrowing in confusion and her gaze switching between the two men. After what felt like forever, she finally spoke. "No...that can't be right," she stated. "I remember..when I got shot and you..you shoved me to the ground, you told me you loved me." Why would he say that if they weren't even together, never mind married?

"You did _what?_ " Josh growled from his position by the door. That much he hadn't been aware of, and he'd be damned if he was going to let some other guy tell _his_ girlfriend that they were in love with her. "I think it's about time you left." Josh announced, his gaze fixed on Castle, who was looking helplessly at Kate.

"No." Beckett shot back quickly. No, Castle wasn't going. He was her husband and he was going to explain what the hell was going on. It was like she'd woken up and they'd all decided to play a trick on her. Not a very nice thing to do to someone who had just been shot in the chest and it wasn't funny.

Castle tried his hardest to not get his hopes up when Beckett told Josh she wanted him to stay. And ended up failing miserably. Despite her confusion from the trauma of the events that had unravelled over the past week or so, a small part of him hoped this could be the turning point. The point where they both stopped denying their feelings for one another and gave _them_ a go.

"Beckett," Castle began softly, the sensible side of him forcing himself to say the words he really didn't want to say. "Josh is right, we aren't married. You and him are together, have been for a good few months now. I should go.."

"Richard Castle don't you dare walk out that door."

Castle stared at Beckett in surprise. He was hovering in mid air, halfway between getting up to leave and sitting back down again. Josh stood silently by the door still, his expression giving true meaning to the saying 'if looks could kill'. Directed towards Castle, obviously.

"Josh, like I said, I appreciate what you've done, checking I'm okay and everything, but things ended with us a while ago..now, can you please leave, so I can spend some time with Castle." Beckett was getting annoyed now. The last person she wanted hanging around right now was her ex boyfriend. Hell, why not invite Demming over, and maybe Sorenson too.

Castle remained silent, still in his halfway leaving/halfway staying position. Josh laughed, despite nothing about what was currently happening being remotely funny. "Kate, listen to me," he pleaded. "You and writer boy are not married. You're with me. And we're good together..great even. Now I'm willing to forgive your mistake given the circumstances right now but I'm sure your memory will come back soon. I would imagine it's just temporary amnesia due to the trauma, happens all the time." He couldn't be mad, not really. He was just grateful that she was alive. But he just needed her to realise what she was saying, for her memory to sort itself out and remind her what really was the case.

Beckett sighed - this was getting tiring now. "Josh, please. Just leave, you and I have nothing to talk about. We ended things well, please don't ruin things now."

Josh couldn't believe what was happening. "If I leave now, Kate, I'm not coming back." It was childish and he knew it, but desperate times and all that. "I mean it, I've watched from the sidelines for months, watching the two of you laugh and joke about things I don't get or wouldn't understand and I've had enough. You can tell me all you want there's nothing going on between you, but now you wake up from heart surgery and it's _him_ you want?"

Kate's silence was the answer Josh was looking for.

"I can't believe this," he muttered, opening the door to leave. He glanced back at the two of them, as if waiting for them to jump up and say it was all a joke, but neither did. So, without another word, Josh left, leaving Beckett and Castle alone.

* * *

 _A/N: So, I decided I might turn this into a two-shot, with the next chapter following on and Castle and Beckett discussing what's going on! I haven't written in forever so reviews would be very much appreciated! But please be nice ;)_

 _Also, feel free to follow me on twitter/tumblr:_  
 _twitter: jadeccx | tumblr: stanaxbanana_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed/followed, I'm so happy there's still so many people reading even after the end of the show! A few reviewers suggested making this into more than a two-shot so I'm gonna try and do that! Not a hundred percent where it's gonna end up yet but here's chapter 2 in the meantime!**

* * *

 _"I can't believe this," he muttered, opening the door to leave. He glanced back at the two of them, as if waiting for them to jump up and say it was all a joke, but neither did. So, without another word, Josh left, leaving Beckett and Castle alone._

* * *

The room was silent for at least five minutes, neither Beckett or Castle seeming to know what to say. Josh had left on a pretty big announcement and Castle wasn't really sure what do now. Clearly Beckett was in some sort of confused state after the shooting and the surgery, which Josh knew too, so Castle couldn't comprehend why Josh had walked out - Beckett would remember the truth eventually..wouldn't she?

"Do you erm..want me to go after him?" Castle asked hesitantly. As much as he was in love with Beckett, as much as he had wished over the past few months that she'd just get rid of Josh and let Castle in, he didn't want to be responsible for her throwing her relationship away just because she was confused.

Beckett glared at him. Now, that was a look Castle was used to. The most normal thing to have happened since he'd got that call from Josh. "I'll take that as a no, then," Castle muttered. "So tell me, what do you remember from the shooting?"

Beckett took a deep breath. Her head was spinning..she'd woken up from nearly being killed to find that the person she thought she was married to wasn't actually her husband? Oh, and she was pretty sure she'd just broken up with the person she was actually in a relationship with. Though given that she was pretty certain that she was married to Castle, that part hadn't really sunk in yet.  
And to top it off, her pain meds were wearing off, a dull ache was troubling her from the wound of her injury now. Bringing her hand slowly up to her chest, she glanced down and placed her fingertips over the dressing covering her where she'd been hit.

"I remember it all," she began slowly. "I was standing up at the front giving my speech..and I remember glancing over at you and then.." The reality of what had actually happened to her was beginning to settle in now. Someone had shot her, had actually tried to kill her. She knew being a cop was dangerous, but still, someone purposefully aiming a gun at her and pulling the trigger with the sole intention of killing her wasn't the easiest thing to digest.  
"And then you tackled me to the ground," she continued, not quite meeting his eye, instead gazing just over his right shoulder. "But I'd already been hit. Then I remember lying on ground as you whispered how much you loved me." She'd tried to stay awake, she really had, but after that everything was black until she'd woken up just a few short hours ago.

"And so um..you think that you and I are..well, that we're-"

"Married?" Beckett finished for him. "We're really not?" She asked quietly. How could this be happening. She could remember everything so clearly.

Castle shook his head, not daring to say a word. It was killing him, seeing her look so upset - and all because she wasn't actually married to him. "Tell me," he said, "tell me what you think..happened."

And so she did. Explained that they'd met at the book launch party when she had hauled him down to the precinct to talk about the copycat murders. Then he'd somehow weaseled his way into shadowing her for 'research'. Yeah right. He'd been downright annoying and irritating and flirtatious and...okay yeah, a little helpful on occasion.

"Hey," Castle interrupted, looking slightly offended. "I helped you out loads of times!" So far, their stories matched up. The way they'd met, how he was shadowing her for research..all of that had actually happened. "So um..what next?" He was still intrigued to find out when they'd actually gotten married. In her world, anyway.

"It took some time," she replied. "Almost two years. It was the summer and you asked me to the Hamptons with you." She'd been so torn at that point, choosing between her steady relationship with Demming from robbery and the man who had captured her attention from the first day. "So, I broke things off with Demming-"

"Wait, _that's_ when you broke up?" Castle interrupted, his face contorted into a frown. He'd known when he got back from the Hamptons with Gina that Beckett wasn't with Demming anymore, but he didn't know that was when they'd called it off. He made a mental note to find out from Lanie if that part was actually true - though it made sense. Why she had looked so upset when they were talking by her desk and Gina had showed up..

"Yup," Kate nodded. "I broke up with him so that I could come to the Hamptons with you." Her relationship with Demming hadn't been serious, Kate didn't do serious. Until Castle, anyway. "And so..we went. To the Hamptons. Together." Jeez, this was weird. She was explaining to her _husband_ how they'd got together. "And so we've been together ever since." Or so she thought.

"Since the Hamptons?" Castle asked incredulously. That was a year and a half ago. Wait, so they'd gotten married in that time too? That did not sound like something the serious detective he knew would do. His Beckett was not the type to marry a guy that quickly.

"Uh huh," Kate replied. "We stopped pretending we didn't have feelings for each other and just let whatever was going to happen, happen." She smiled at the memory of them both when they'd first got to the Hamptons, both unsure of what this meant for them. Until he had kissed her outside by the pool and that had confirmed it for the both of them. It had escalated pretty quickly from there, getting back after the summer and falling into an easy relationship.

"And you.. _married_ me?" Castle was still having trouble believing that Kate would have married him so quickly. "How long have we been..married?" He was certain this was all a strange dream and he was going to wake up any second to Alexis making pancakes in the kitchen. But before that, he wanted to know as much as he could. This was the woman he was in love with, if she said they were married then he was sure as hell going to play along while he could.

"About three months," Kate smiled. "Not long. It was quick, really. I mean we only got together in the Hamptons and then married a year later? But still, it was what we both wanted and we're happy."

Castle grinned at her. How could he not? Not only were they married, they were _happy._ That was more than could be said for his two previous marriages, Beckett already had a foot up in their 'marriage.' "Tell me about the wedding." He couldn't help himself. He was pretty sure this was all going to be over soon, Beckett's real memory was going to come back and they'd have to deal with how he'd told her he loved her when she was with another man. But for now, he wanted details. He was a writer, after all. This was going to make an incredible new Nikki Heat novel..

"It was small. Just the people we wanted the most there." Beckett told him, her head still spinning trying to come to terms with everything. Were they really not married? "Your mom and Alexis, my dad, Lanie...Espo and Ryan, Montgomery.." Her voice trailed off at that. The whole reason she was sitting here in this hospital bed telling Castle about their wedding which she was apparently making up was because she'd been shot at Montgomery's funeral.  
"Is that why I was shot?" She asked quietly. "Was it to do with Montgomery's case?"

Castle sighed. He knew she was going to ask once she was awake, Beckett wouldn't leave it, that wasn't her style. She fought to the end to bring justice to those who deserved it. It was one of the things he loved about her.

"We think so, yeah," he replied. "I got thrown out of the precinct when Gates - the new captain - took over. Espo and Ryan gave me the files but it's just dead end after dead end. The shooter disappeared. A cemetery full of cops and he managed to escape."

"We'll get you back in once I'm back at work," Beckett promised. Castle did have the mayor on speed dial after all. The new captain wasn't going to argue with the mayor. She wasn't surprised there were no leads so far, she didn't expect finding her shooter to be easy.

"And what about our...wedding night," Castle asked, changing the subject back to _their wedding_ with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Beckett laughed but was saved from answering as a doctor knocked and entered the room. "Katherine Beckett?" he asked and Kate nodded. "I'm Dr Evans. Dr Davidson asked me come down and do a psych evaluation. He said you're a little confused after your shooting?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Well um..this is my partner, Richard Castle. I woke up a few hours ago and wondered where my husband was. Turns out, Castle and I aren't actually married," she explained, a touch of bitterness in her voice.

"I'll leave you to it," Castle announced as he stood up, he didn't need to be here for this.

"But you're coming back, right?" Beckett asked him quickly, her voice panicked now.

Castle hesitated slightly before answering. He wanted to come back, of course he did but Beckett needed to figure out where they stood given that they weren't actually married. He wasn't sure he wanted to be around for that.

But his love for her won over anything else. "Of course," he smiled, placing another kiss on her forehead.

"We'll be about half an hour," Dr Evans supplied helpfully.

"Great, I'll go make some calls and come back. Want me to bring you a coffee?" He asked Kate, which was really needed - when did she ever turn down coffee? "That is if she's allowed to drink coffee?" He checked with the doctor.

"I'd double check with one of the nurses but it shouldn't be a problem."

"Awesome. See you in a bit." Castle threw one last smile back at Beckett before leaving the room. He leaned against the wall opposite her room, the two officers stationed there thankfully ignoring him. What the hell was going on? It wasn't just that she thought they were married - she could 'remember' the whole damn thing. How and when they got together, the wedding, who was there..all of it.

Castle worked his way around the hospital, making his way down to the cafe on the first floor. Pulling out his cell phone, he made his first call.

"Hey, Alexis," he smiled. "How you doing, Pumpkin?"

"I'm good dad," she replied. "Where are you?"

"At the hospital," Castle told his daughter. "Beckett woke up."

"That's great! Is she okay?"

"She's fine...a little confused." That was an understatement. "But she's okay, sat up and talking."

"Oh dad, that's so good!" Alexis reassured him. "I've got some homework to do but you fancy getting some dinner later? We can go out for burgers?"

"Sure," Castle agreed. "'I'll see you later. Love you."

"I love you too, dad. Say hi to Detective Beckett for me." Alexis ended the call, leaving Castle in silence. He hadn't really felt like telling his daughter that Beckett thought she was the girls step mom. Not yet. He'd wait until after her psych evaluation and maybe tell his daughter over dinner.

Unlocking his phone again, Castle made another call, this time to Ryan and Esposito.

"Hey Castle," Ryan said as he answered the call. "Javi's here too, what's up?"

"Beckett's awake," he supplied.

"Oh thank goodness," Ryan breathed out. "You hear that, Javi? Beckett's awake!" Castle heard Espo say something in reply to his partner before Ryan came back on the phone. "We're working a case at the moment but do you reckon we can pop in and see her sometime later on?"

"I'll ask her when I go back up," Castle offered. "She's with..the doctor right now so I'm getting some coffee. I'll text you in a bit, see if she's up to more visitors." Beckett was lucky to have Ryan and Espo, they were a great team and he had no doubt that she'd want to see them, but still, he thought it best to check with Beckett first. "Can you call Lanie for me, tell her she's awake?" Castle did not want to feel the wrath of Lanie Parrish if she wasn't informed of Beckett waking up.

"Will do, we're headed down there now anyway. Thanks Castle!" Ryan said, cutting off the call.

Castle checked his watch. It had been about twenty minutes since he'd left Beckett with Dr Evans, he'd grab some coffee in a minute and head back up.

He had no idea what to do. As awful as he felt for it, he couldn't explain how amazing it made him feel seeing how happy Beckett was at the two of them being 'married'. He'd been crazy about her since they'd first met, bewitched by her beauty and her confidence, the way she could command the boys during an investigation. Her fierce protectiveness over those closest to her, the way she managed to deal with her mother's murder.  
He knew telling her he loved her whilst she was lying on ground after being shot was terrible timing, but he knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he'd lost her.  
His stomach clenched at that. Losing Beckett wasn't an idea he ever wanted to think about. But still, as she'd been lying there in his arms, a bullet lodged in her chest, he just knew had to tell her.

In case she never woke up.

* * *

Castle arrived back up at Beckett's room just as Dr Evans was leaving. The doctor smiled at him as they passed each other. "You might not actually be married," Dr Evans said, "but I'd count my lucky stars if I were you. She's clearly crazy about you, married or not."

The doctor walked off, Castle staring at him as he did. Beckett was crazy about him? Huh, who knew. Shaking his head to clear those thoughts, Castle headed back into Beckett's room. He realised as he handed her the coffee that he'd forgotten to check with a nurse.

"How did it go with Dr Evans?" He asked. "He declare you insane for thinking you're married to me?"

"Nope." Beckett replied, taking a sip of her coffee, a smile crossing her face as she tasted it for the first time in days. "He said it's most likely as a result of the trauma, my brain seems to have cooked up a whole new reality for us whilst I was unconscious."

"And will you..remember, eventually?"

"Apparently around 90% of patients with this particular..side effect do remember the truth at some point. Though he did also say that there could be worse situations I could have made up." She smiled at that. It was beginning to sink in now, that she wasn't actually married to Castle. It was all a figment of her imagination. She was starting to think she should become the mystery novelist. "I've gotta stay in for a few more days under close observation but providing cardio sign me off as a patient, psych are happy for me to go home soon..whatever I remember." It's not like she was a danger to herself, or anyone else.

"Right," Castle nodded, taking in what she had told him. He had no idea where this left them, but at the same time he didn't want to ask. Didn't want to shatter the perfect illusion they had of them being married.

"Castle, I-" she began but Castle interrupted her.

"Kate, it's fine, we'll talk about it when you're out of here."

Beckett sighed, resting her head back on her pillows. She was at a loss on what to do. Married or not, she was about 90% certain she was single now so what was stopping them? Castle loved her, he'd told her that much when she'd been shot. Unless.. _no_ , he wouldn't have done, _would he_? The horrible thought crossed Kate's mind that he'd only said that to her because he thought she was going to die. What if he was regretting it now?

"I called Ryan and Espo," Castle announced, breaking the silence. "They wanna come see you later, if you're up to it."

Kate wasn't sure. It was one thing telling Castle she thought they were married but having to tell her colleagues when it wasn't even true? All she could remember from before the shooting was her version of events, about the Hamptons and being married to Castle. She still didn't even know what the truth actually was. But then maybe the boys and Castle could help her with that, they were the ones who had been there with her after all..

"Sure," she smiled. "I wanna see my dad too."

"I'll call him for you now if you want?" Castle offered and Beckett accepted with a smile and a word of thanks.

So for the second time that day, Castle left Beckett's room to make the call to her dad. Jim answered on the fourth ring and said he'd be there to visit at dinner time. Which meant Castle could get some dinner with Alexis whilst Kate talked with her father. Castle headed back into Beckett's room to relay the news.

They made small talk after that. Neither of them knowing what to say now that Kate had been informed by someone she wasn't/wanted to be romantically involved with that she wasn't actually married to Castle.

Castle made his excuses when Jim arrived, reassuring Kate that he'd be back after dinner with Ryan and Espo.

He had no idea what to do.

* * *

 **A/N: I thought it was important for us to know what exactly Kate remembered! The next chapter will have Ryan, Espo and Castle filling her in on the real truth! Probably won't get it up before Christmas now but will get it done shortly after. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and that Santa spoils you!**

 **twitter: jadeccx | tumblr: stanaxbanana**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!**

* * *

 _Castle made his excuses when Jim arrived, reassuring Kate that he'd be back after dinner with Ryan and Espo._

 _He had no idea what to do._

* * *

"Hey, Pumpkin," Castle smiled as Alexis arrived, sliding herself into the booth and the seat opposite her father. They were at Remy's, a favourite of theirs - and Beckett's - Castle mused to himself. She'd be jealous when he got back to her, yucky hospital food wasn't great - especially for Beckett, Castle knew how much she appreciated her food.

"Hi, Dad," Alexis replied. "How are you doing?" She picked up a menu, perusing what they had to offer, but she knew the menu off by heart, really, and always ordered the same.

"I'm good." A little tired and overwhelmed by everything that had happened today, but he was good. "Everything okay with you?" He asked, it felt like ages since he'd seen his daughter but it had only been yesterday.

"The usual," Alexis shrugged. "Nothing interesting. How's Beckett?" Alexis had been there after all, when the detective had been shot. And she knew how close it was to being her father, he'd been standing right next to his partner at the time.

"Pretty good, considering," Castle told her. "She's awake, sitting up and talking. In pain but you know Beckett, won't admit that anything is troubling her."

Alexis laughed at that. She might not be as close to Beckett as her father was but even she knew how stubborn Beckett could be. Like not admitting that she had feelings for Alexis' father - anyone could see how crazy they were about each other, and how perfect they'd be together. "I might pop in and see her tomorrow, if she's feeling up to it?" Alexis suggested.

Castle smiled and bowed his head. His kid was the best. "I'll check with her later, but I'm sure she'd love to see you," Castle informed her.

"Great!" Alexis beamed. "I'm sure she'll be bored of you, anyway. I bet she'll want some girly magazines.." she mused, and Castle frowned.

The waitress appeared then, taking their order efficiently and disappearing off to the kitchen to get their meals sorted.

Castle sighed. If Alexis was going to visit Beckett tomorrow, then she needed to know what was going on. "Sweetie, listen," he began. "There's something we need to talk about...about Beckett."

"I thought you said she was okay?" Alexis frowned, her voice laced with concern.

"She is..medically anyway. Sort off.." Castle paused. It was that he didn't want to tell Alexis, it's not like he and Beckett had _actually_ gotten married, but he was worried about how she would take it. He didn't know where he and Kate stood now, not at the moment, and he didn't want his daughter getting her hopes up. She'd spoken to him in the past about how much she liked Beckett and how good she was for him.

"Dad?" Alexis called, disturbing Castle from his momentary lapse in concentration. "What is it?"

Right. Alexis. Dinner. "She um..well she woke up earlier," Castle began slowly. "And she uh.." May as well just come out and say it, she needed to know one way or another. "She thinks we're married."

Alexis was silent, wondering if she'd heard her father right. Detective Beckett thought she was married..to her father. Wow.

A good few minutes stretched by, Castle becoming increasingly concerned with his daughters silence by the second. He was just about to ask her if she was okay when she laughed. Out loud. He'd told his daughter that his cop partner was having delusions about the two of them being married and _she laughed._

"I'm sorry," Alexis breathed out, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye. "It's just..really?"

"Er..yeah," Castle replied, feeling a little shocked. Was it really that strange to think that Beckett would marry him? He was planning on it happening for real one day, after all. "She um..she woke up and had just 'remembered' this whole past, you know?" It was crazy and he knew it. But he'd admit, he was enjoying it slightly. Alexis didn't say anything - she was still catching her breath from laughing - so Castle continued, filling Alexis in on his day. "She woke up and asked for me and I had to break it to her that we weren't actually married and then she broke up with Dr Motorcycle Boy-"

"She broke up with him?" Alexis interrupted, fairly loudly. A few heads turned in their direction. Their burgers arrived then, giving Castle a minute before he had to explain further. "I thought they were happy together?"

Castle didn't miss the slight hint of bitterness in her voice and he smiled to himself. It was cute that Alexis wanted him and Beckett together, he was happy that Alexis liked Kate so much.

"But she knows you and her aren't actually married, right?" Alexis asked and Castle nodded. "So..so why did she break up with him if she knows it's just confusion..surely she knows her memory will come back soon?"

His kid had a good point. Beckett knew they weren't married and he'd sat and talked with her through what she thought she remembered and not once had she shown any regret at calling things off with her boyfriend. "I um..well I don't know, I guess she was just confused.." He sighed. It had been bugging him all day..how long was she going to go along with this? If he was being honest with himself, he was waiting for the minute she turned around and pushed him away, said she needed space. "I don't know..I just..I can't help but think she only did it because she honestly thought she was married to me. She knows for sure now that we're not, and the boys and Lanie are coming to visit tonight so we're gonna fill her in on the real past but.." he broke off, he'd already admitted more to his daughter than he had been planning, but he didn't know what to do. "What if she suddenly remembers and goes running back to Josh?" He blurted out.

"Hmm, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Alexis grinned. She knew how much her father cared about Beckett and she was pretty sure Kate reciprocated the feelings, even if she hadn't admitted it yet. "If you ask me, she broke up with him because she wants to be with you. Regardless of if she thinks you're married or not."

He hoped that Alexis was right.

* * *

"How are you feeling, Katie bug?" Jim smiled from his seat next to his daughter's bedside. He had been so relieved when Rick had called him to say Katie was awake and ready for visitors.

"I'm okay, Dad," Kate replied. "A little sore in places but I guess that's to be expected."

"Yeah, I think you might be right there," Kate laughed. It was great to see her father, she knew he'd been there when she got shot and knew how worried he must have been. "How are things with you?"

"Oh you know, the usual," Jim told her. "More worried about how you're doing though.."

Kate smiled. "I'm fine, Daddy," she said to him quietly.

"Katie," Jim began, his eyes filling with tears. "You were shot..I saw it happen, I was there." He took a deep breath. "I've already lost your mom, I can't lose you as well."

Tears streamed down Kate's face now. She hadn't thought of it like that and immediately felt guilty for not realising how it could affect her father. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Hey, no," Jim soothed, "it's not your fault." Oh, if only he knew. "I just meant..god, I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too, Daddy," Kate smiled through her tears. "Me too." She was debating over telling her father about what she had woken up thinking, but was there any point? She would remember soon enough what had really happened and her and Castle would...well, she didn't know what they would do but she was determined to find out.

"So," Jim said, changing the subject. "Rick's been around, has he?"

Kate didn't miss the sly smile on her father's face. "Yeah, he has. Came once I woke up..only left when I saw the doctor and then now, to go have dinner with Alexis."

"He's good for you, you know." Jim wasn't going to beat around the bush, the author was great for her daughter and everyone could see it. Well, except his stubborn daughter.

"I know, Dad," Kate admitted. "I needed to see him when I woke up and he came over straight away..helped me er, straighten a few things out." She had decided against telling her father. Perhaps when she had her memory sorted again she'd tell him what she had been thinking.

"I much prefer him to that Doctor, anyway," Jim admitted. He wasn't a fan of the way Josh had acted, blaming Rick for Kate being shot.

 _Jeez_ , did no one like Josh? "Well, you'll be pleased to know Josh and I er..broke up." She was a little confused because from her point of view, Josh and her had broken up ages ago. Years, even. But apparently none of that was real.

"Oh Katie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it, it's just Rick..he's so..solid. And dependable. And don't think I can't see the way he makes you smile." His Katie had never smiled like that with Josh, or any before him.

"It's okay, Dad," Kate assured. "Josh and I..we never would have worked. He was never there." She was talking about a few years back, when her and Josh had argued over and over about him never being there, always disappearing off to save the world.

"You know all I want is for you to be happy, Katie," Jim told her. "And from where I'm standing - Rick makes you so very happy."

* * *

Kate had some time to herself once her father had left. Castle had text to say he'd be back in half an hour and that Alexis said hi. Kate knew the boys were coming in with Lanie too, and she was looking forward to seeing them. But now she was enjoying some peace and quiet with her own thoughts.

It was a mess. She had woken up _convinced_ beyond doubt that she had married her favourite author and the man of her dreams. And then her illusion had been shattered, Josh and Castle breaking her down and telling her she had made the whole thing up. Her head felt like it was going to explode with everything that had happened, including being shot. But she had no idea how she was going to sort everything out. What if her real memory never came back? Sure, Castle and the boys and Lanie could fill her in when they came by later but being told wasn't the same as remembering. People watched footage of the first man to walk on the Moon and swore they could remember it, but they couldn't, they just watched footage of it, or were told about it.

Her mind drifted to Castle. Her writer, her inspiration, the love of her life. She was struggling to get her head around the fact that they weren't really married, it was all so clear in her mind. She was in love with him, the version of herself that she remembered, anyway. In real life..well, she was going to have to wait until the boys had been to find out where her and Castle stood in real life. Judging by the fact that she had been with Josh this morning, she was going to take a wild guess and say her and Castle weren't even together. Which seemed crazy to her right now, it might have taken her a year or so to get used to Castle, but once she'd realised he wasn't the egotistical, self-centered, jackass she'd originally thought, she'd fallen head over heels for him. Or so she thought.

Also, she thought to herself, even if they weren't married, where had this story come from? Despite the fact that she wasn't exactly thinking straight right now, she had to still be _her_ in there. And she knew damn well that Katherine Beckett would not have woken up with this story if she hadn't had feelings for Castle before the shooting - in the _real_ world.

A sinking feeling was beginning to worm itself into her stomach now. A knotting of nerves making her feel anxious all of a sudden. She knew now that she wasn't actually married to Castle, but the part as she got shot, him telling her he loved her, that was true. He hadn't denied it this morning when Josh had got angry at him, nor when she had brought it up again a little later on. So he'd said that to her as she lay bleeding out on the cemetery grounds.

But what if he'd only said it because he thought she was dying, and the reason he hadn't let her bring it up all day was because he was regretting it?

* * *

 **A/N: After writing this, I guess I'm making Beckett more like the S6/7/8 Beckett, the one who was madly in love with Castle, and less like the Beckett we had in the earlier seasons. Will try and get another chapter up before New Year, and as usual, thoughts are very much appreciated.**

 **twitter: jadeccx | tumblr: stanaxbanana**


	4. Chapter 4

_But what if he'd only said it because he thought she was dying, and the reason he hadn't let her bring it up all day was because he was regretting it?_

* * *

"Rick, we need to talk."

Castle's head snapped up from the quick text he was sending. She hardly ever called him Rick, it was always 'Castle'. When she call him Rick, it didn't come with a good feeling. And then when she coupled it with 'we need to talk', his heart sank to his shoes. She was going to push him away, he knew it. She was going to tell him she needed some space and some time and that she'd call him when she was feeling up to it and he wouldn't see her for three months.

"Kate, wait," Castle began, his carefully planned speech that let her know he was determined not to let her push him away, insist that she let him stick around and help her through this and see where they ended up, if her memory came back. _If._

"Hey guys!" Came Ryan's chirpy greeting from the doorway to Beckett's room. "Uh..is this a bad time?" He asked, coming to a stop half in and half out the room as he took in Castle and Beckett's faces. Ryan had a feeling he'd just interrupted a pretty important conversation.

Beckett rolled her eyes. Yeah, this was a bad time. "No, it's fine," she replied with a small smile. It wasn't Ryan's fault, after all. "Come on in, guys."

Ryan was followed in my Esposito and Lanie, all of them settling into the chairs Castle had had brought in on his way back from dinner.

"How're you doing, Kate?" Lanie asked.

Castle knew it must be hard for Lanie to see Kate, she had been the one keeping Beckett alive on that gurney in the ambulance and into the hospital.

"I'm pretty good, considering," Kate reassured her. "Little bit of pain but you know, good." Kate's eyes flicked to Castle and it seemed as if he looked how she felt. Clearly they both needed to talk and had just been about to before their friends had arrived. Still, they'd have plenty of time to talk, it's not like Beckett was going anywhere anytime soon.

"Should have guessed you'd still be here bro," Esposito said, aiming the comment at Castle.

"Castle's been great," Beckett jumped in to his defence. "He came over as soon as I woke up and-"

"Relax, Beckett," Espo laughed. "I was joking."

"Oh..yeah.." Beckett's cheeks flushed pink and Castle smirked. "Shut it, you," she hissed at him, her cheeks blushing even more.

"You're cute when you blush."

The words were out of Castle's mouth before his brain could comprehend what he was saying - or the company they currently had. Beckett stared at him, eyes widening in shock. They stayed that way for a while, eyes locked together. Despite them being married in Beckett's world, now that she knew they weren't, the words came as a shock to her given the fact that they weren't alone right now.

"Something you guys wanna tell us?" Espo joked, breaking the silence.

"Javi!" Lanie hissed at him, though she herself hadn't missed the look between her best friend and the man everyone knew she was in love with.

"It's fine, Lanie," Kate laughed. "There is something we need to talk about with you guys, actually.."

"Oh my god," Lanie squealed, "are you two actually..ya know.." she gestured wildly with flailing arms.

Kate didn't know what to say. So far that day she'd managed to work out she wasn't actually married to Castle like she thought, she'd broken up with Josh about five minutes ago and not a few years back, and now Lanie was excited at the thought Kate and Castle being together? Well, that let Beckett know one thing she was waiting to find out about - even in the real world there was something between herself and Castle.

"Uh, no," Kate replied at the same time Castle piped up with "not yet."

More news to Kate - Castle wanted something to happen between them, did he?

Ignoring Castle's answer - for now - Kate continued. "Okay so um, you guys know how I woke up today?" The three nodded. "Well it's just the thing is..I seem to be a bit..confused.." Lanie, Espo and Ryan remained silent, leading Kate to carry on. "So um.."

"She thinks we're married." Castle finished for her and she shot him a grateful smile.

The trio were quiet for a while, seeming to take in what Castle and Beckett had told them. Esposito was the first to speak. "Very funny guys, cool joke! But don't think we're buying that." He laughed, clapping his hands together. "As if we're gonna believe that, hey," he added, nudging Ryan with his arm.

"Yeah..good joke guys," Ryan said tentatively, not taking his eyes off of Castle and Beckett. Something about the way they'd announced their 'joke' had him wondering if they might not actually be joking.

Lanie seemed to be on the same page as Ryan. "Hang on a minute," she frowned, eyes flickering from Kate and back to Castle. "I don't think they're joking.."

Kate gave a small shake of her head. "No guys, we're not joking." Seriously though, what was up with everyone? First Castle had had trouble believing it, he'd said Alexis had _laughed_ when he had told her and now the boys and Lanie thought they were messing about? Was it really that hard to believe that she'd marry Castle? "Castle is telling the truth. The trauma seems to have sent me into this alternate universe.." If it hadn't involved him, Beckett knew this would normally be right up Castle's street.

"So we kinda need your help," Castle announced. "Obviously Kate and I aren't actually married and of course I can help fill her in on what the past two years or so has really been like but-"

"You need an unbiased opinion." Lanie supplied helpfully and Kate nodded.

"So..so you guys really aren't having us on?" Espo asked, still struggling to believe that Beckett would think she had married Castle. Clearly the girl wasn't thinking straight, Castle annoyed her on a daily basis.

"No, Espo, we're not having you on," Kate sighed.

"And..and Josh, what does he think of all this?" Ryan asked, Lanie shooting him daggers. "What?" he said to her innocently, shrugging his shoulders. "We were all thinking it."

"We broke up." Beckett told her friends bluntly, no point in sugar coating it.

"Finally," Espo muttered and Castle couldn't help but grin at that, despite Beckett's glare.

"Anyway," Beckett said loudly, before they all jumped in with comments about her relationship with Josh. "Castle is right. I need you guys to help me fill in the gaps. Well..one big gap, really."

"Okay," Ryan nodded. "So, where do we start?"

Good point. Although in Kate's world she and Castle had gotten together in the Hamptons that summer, she wasn't a hundred percent sure she could trust her memories from before that. But that seemed a good a place as any to start. "Uh..the summer we went to the Hamptons?" she asked, looking to Castle for confirmation.

"You mean the summer _he_ went to the Hamptons with his ex-wife-slash-publisher right after you broke up with Demming..oh, and then you got upset at him for not calling?" Espo suggested.

Castle winced. He'd forgotten to tell Beckett that earlier when she'd said that was when she remembered them getting together. Her glare in his direction was telling him she wasn't at all impressed right now. But, on the other hand, Castle's suspicions had been right - she _had_ broken up with Demming in order to go to the Hamptons with him. Now _that_ was interesting..

"Were you really angry that I didn't call?" Castle asked her with a grin. Wait, stupid question..

"I don't remember you not calling," Beckett told him through gritted teeth. Stupid man. "I also don't remember you telling me earlier that you went to the Hamptons _with your ex-wife_." She hissed the last few word at him, upset that he hadn't told her earlier.

"Ah, look at that," Ryan said to Espo and Lanie, "mom and dad are fighting again! Just like old times." Lanie and Javi laughed.

"I heard that," Kate grumbled. She'd deal with Castle later..he'd really taken his ex wife? Rolling her eyes, she turned to her friends. "Well considering we all seem to remember that summer so well," another pointed look at Castle, "let's go from there then, shall we?"

And so with a little help from Castle, the boys and Lanie filled her in on the real past two years of her life. How Castle had gone to the Hamptons with Gina to get his book finished and not called when he came back. How Beckett had been adamant that she wasn't bothered, that Castle didn't really need to follow her around anymore anyway, he had enough research to write a hundred more bestsellers. And then how they'd found Castle at their crime scene and after his constant interfering, Beckett had made a bet with him - that if he solved the case first he could stay, otherwise he was gone for good. Esposito then revealed how Beckett had found out way before Castle that the case was to do with counterfeiting.

"Wait, _you knew_?" Castle asked her. Again, stupid question. "Wait, sorry..you don't remember..she knew?!" He asked again, this time to the boys.

Esposito shot an apologetic look to Beckett. "Uh..yeah, she did." He laughed. "Tried to deny it but..hey, she missed you that summer," he shrugged.

Beckett was feeling slightly overwhelmed with all the new information she'd just been given. From what she could work out, she and Castle weren't even close to being together, they literally were just partners at work. But he'd told her he loved her, hadn't he? "Is there anything else I should know?" She asked wearily. This was a hell of a lot to take on board.

"Well..then things just went back to normal," Ryan said. "Castle was back following you around and helping out on cases..same as before."

"And..you and Gina?" She asked Castle, not really sure she wanted to know the answer.

"We uh..we dated again for a bit." He looked uncomfortable talking about this. Beckett decided this was his punishment for not telling her he went to the Hamptons with Gina and asked him to continue. "But then we realised why our marriage didn't work in the first place. We broke up a few months ago and now we're back to how we were before..she's just my publisher now."

That hurt Kate. Hearing that the man she thought she had married had spent the past few months dating someone else? But then, she realised, until this morning, she'd been dating someone else too.

"Why don't we go and get a drink or something?" Ryan suggested, nudging his partner. "C'mon Castle, we'll let the girls catch up."

When she and Lanie were alone, Kate let how she was really feeling spill out. Lanie sat there patiently for 10 minutes while Kate ranted about how she was convinced they were married and how the day had panned out. "So..so if I was gonna go to the Hamptons with him, I was gonna tell him how I felt..why aren't we together now?" Castle loved her, and from what he had said, he and Gina wouldn't have worked out, so why couldn't they have gotten together before now?

"You met Josh, sweetie," Lanie said softly. "He came back and was dating Gina again and you seemed happy with Josh. When did you break up with him?"

"This morning," Kate admitted. "He was here when I woke up - not that I knew why at the time, but now I do," she laughed. "But I wanted to see Castle and he came and told me we weren't really married and Josh was here too and I asked him to leave, and he did and said he wasn't coming back if he left," she shrugged. "It made sense when I thought I was married to Castle but if I'm honest..even now I know the truth, I don't regret it." It was the truth. She'd known for practically a whole day now that her thoughts weren't real, but Josh was the last person she wanted to see.

"Castle's great for you, you know?"

"I know," Kate replied. "I married him, remember?"

* * *

It was a little after 8.30pm when the boys and Lanie left, leaving Castle and Beckett alone again.

"Was it good to see them?" Castle asked, still positioned comfortably in the chair beside her bed.

"Yeah, it was," Kate said with a smile. She felt a little better now, now that she know more about what had really happened since the Hamptons. "We..uh still need to talk, though."

Castle sighed. They did need to talk, badly. But not right now. "Beckett, look at you. You're shattered. You only woke up from major surgery this morning, and you've been up all day, haven't napped once. I know we need to talk, and I promise you that we will, but do you think you can wait until the morning?" She needed her rest and he wanted the conversation they needed to have to be done when she was wide awake and alert, not falling asleep on him.

As much as she hated to admit it, Castle was right. She could feel herself drifting off as she spoke, the conversation was going to have to wait a little longer. "Yeah, I guess we can wait until the morning," she agreed.

"Great," Castle smiled, standing up to leave. "I will leave you in peace then," he said, bending down to place a kiss on her forehead. "But I'll be back bright and early - with coffee - and we can talk then, I promise."

It wasn't until his hand was on the handle of the door that Beckett spoke. "Castle?" He turned to look at her, hand still on the door. "Will you stay?"

* * *

 **A/N: thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter, thoughts welcome on this chapter too. Probably won't get another update in before the New Year, so Happy 2017 everyone, I hope it brings you joy and happiness xox**


	5. Chapter 5

_It wasn't until his hand was on the handle of the door that Beckett spoke. "Castle?" He turned to look at her, hand still on the door. "Will you stay?"_

* * *

Waking up alone the following morning, Beckett stretched gingerly, testing out what movement she had without causing herself too much pain. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she noted that it had just gone 7.30am - fairly late by her usual standards. Pushing herself up so she was sitting instead of lying down, Kate ran a hand through her hair, detangling as many knots as she could without a brush.

"Good morning!" Castle bounded into the room with a similar amount of energy as a cocker spaniel, two cups of coffee in his hands. "This one is for you," he smiled, handing Beckett over her usual order. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Thanks," she said as she took her coffee. "Better than yesterday, still sore but I think I'll be able to get out of bed a little more today." Yesterday she had only really gotten up in order to go to the bathroom, but today she was thinking she could perhaps go for a walk.

"Brilliant," Castle beamed at her. "Once the doctor has been round to check on you, we'll see what he says about walking. See, we'll have you back at that precinct in no time at all!"

"One step at a time, eh?"

A knock on the door was followed by Beckett's new doctor, Dr Samuels entering the room. "Good morning, Miss Beckett..and uh, Mr Castle, I presume?" Rick nodded. "How are we feeling today? Did you get a good night sleep?"

Beckett blushed.

* * *

 _Castle hesitated, his hand still firmly gripped onto the handle of the door, wavering between leaving and doing what Beckett was asking of him right now - staying. With her._

" _I uh.."_

" _Forget it," Beckett whispered, bowing her head so he couldn't see her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I'll see you in the morning?"_

 _Castle took a deep breath before taking his hand off the door and turning back to face her properly. "Do you want me to stay because you think I'm your husband or because the real you wants me to?"_

 _Beckett contemplated his question for a minute. It was a good point, really. "I might think we're married, Castle, but I know we're not..if that makes sense?" Castle nodded to show that despite the contradicting statement, it made sense to him. "So..so it's the real me asking you to stay. I know sort of where we are now, thanks to the boys and Lanie filling me in so yeah, I guess it's the real me asking."_

 _It took all of Castle's very limited self-control not to kiss her there and then. He might not have his Kate back completely yet, but she still wanted him to stay. God, he was so in love with her.._

" _I um..I get it if you don't want to, I mean you've probably gotta get back to Alexis and-"_

" _I'm staying." He told her resolutely, dropping his coat onto the end of her bed and sitting back in the chair he had been in all day. Alexis was having a sleepover with a friend tonight anyway so he had no reason to rush back home, he was more than happy to stay with Beckett._

" _Castle, you don't have to, I just-"_

" _Drop it. I'm staying."_

 _And that was that. They talked a little more about what she'd forgotten from the past year or so, until Castle could see she wouldn't be able to stay awake any longer. He'd helped her out of bed so she could go and use the bathroom and then settled her back down, fluffing her pillows and double checking she had enough blankets. And then he'd known she had something else she wanted to ask, something a little more risky because she hadn't quite been able to meet his eye as she'd asked him if he'd get into the bed. With her. Again, Castle's self-control was being tested to the limits, but who was he to deny an injured Kate Beckett? And so he'd slipped off his shoes and unbuckled his belt, settling himself into the bed beside her, the two of them lying down, her wrapped in his arms and she'd been asleep within minutes._

* * *

So when Dr Samuels was stood there asking if she'd had a good sleep, that was why she had blushed. Because despite to her falling asleep in Castle's arms was a frequent occurrence, she knew truthfully that that had been the first time - and she'd slept like a baby. She hadn't even woken up when Castle had clearly left her sleeping whilst he went back to his loft and changed his clothes, even picking up coffee on his way back.

"Yeah, I slept great, thank you." She couldn't quite manage to look at Castle right then, she had a feeling he'd have a smug little smirk on his face.

"Great. Well, your vitals are looking good..blood pressure dipped slightly overnight but nothing to be worried about." The doctor said as he flicked through her chart. "Is the pain manageable with the medication you've been taking?" Beckett nodded. "Perfect. Well, in that case then, if you can keep some food down today, I don't see why we can't get you out of here before dinner time this evening."

Beckett sighed with relief at that. It hadn't been long but she was already sick of the hospital, she just wanted to get out and sleep in her own bed.

"That would be on a condition, though," Dr Samuels added before she could get too excited. "You're going to need to be with someone, for a week, at least."

Beckett was at first, fine with this news. Of course, she wouldn't be alone, she lived with Castle, he'd look after her. But then she remembered what she couldn't remember - she and Castle weren't actually married, and given that she'd broken up with Josh the previous day, her options were pretty limited right now.

"I don't have any major concerns about your health, I'm happy to let you go, but you were shot and went through major surgery. I personally would feel a lot better knowing you have some support, at least at first. So, who's name shall we put down on the forms?"

Beckett was just contemplating calling her dad and asking if she could stay with him until she was feeling better, when Castle answered for her.

"Mine."

"Castle, I can't do that," she protested. As if things weren't already confusing enough.

"Why not?" Castle counteracted. "I have a guest room with a great bed, plenty of room in the loft and Alexis and Mother are constantly in and out, it'll be perfect for you to heal."

"I think it sounds like a splendid idea," Dr Samuels put in.

"Can I..can I think about it?"

Castle had agreed to let her think about it but she wasn't sure she really had a choice anyway, she knew how persuasive he could be when he wanted to be and she also knew he wouldn't drop it until she agreed, which meant it would make her life a hell of a lot easier if she just gave in and stayed with him for a week. Plus, she was pretty sure Dr Samuels had already written down Castle's contact information and address on the forms he had been filling in. She was outnumbered.

* * *

Beckett had managed to keep down coffee and some toast so far that day, so things were looking good for her to go home. Or go to wherever she was going to be staying, anyway. Castle had popped out for a meeting with Gina about his latest book - which left Beckett trying to hide her jealousy considering she'd just found out they'd dated when _she_ thought she and Castle were married. He had said it was only a quick meeting though, and that he'd be back in time for lunch - and he was bringing her a burger and shake from Remy's. It wasn't until he had left that Beckett realised they must be pretty close in the real world for him to know to bring her that when she hadn't even indicated that that was what she was craving. Damn adorable man.

She'd spent the morning trying to figure out whether or not she should spend the time at Castle's like he'd suggested. Despite it being her initial thought when the doctor had let her know his condition on discharging her, that was because she had thought they were married and she lived there. Going to stay there when they were stuck on not knowing what they were to each other or how the other really felt just seemed like it was asking for trouble. But to be honest, what other option did she have?

A knock on the door to her room disturbed Kate's thoughts. "Hey..mind if I come in?"

"Alexis! Hi..no of course, please come in, sit down.." Kate smiled, pleased to see the younger Castle. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. You're the one who got shot, shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Alexis laughed.

"I'm not too bad, thank you. Your father has been here keeping me entertained, which has helped."

"Yeah he did say he'd been here, he text this morning to say he had a meeting until lunch so asked if I wouldn't mind coming in now to see you, keep you company while he's gone."

Kate rolled her eyes. Of course he had. "Your father worries too much," she laughed. But it was sweet, really, that he wanted to take care of her.

"That he does," Alexis replied. "So, Detective Beckett, I brought you some magazines and a-" the girl broke off at Beckett's confused look. "What is it? I did tell Dad I'd bring some in for you.."

"Sorry, sweetie," Kate told her, "it's just..you haven't called me Detective Beckett since..well, not for a while. Just took me by surprise, that's all. I forgot that's what you'd call me in the real world."

Alexis smiled. "Yeah, Dad did fill me in on your little..um..yeah. But I can call you Kate, if you want? If that helps?"

God, she was so her father's daughter, doing whatever she could to make Kate happy. "Call me whatever you want, Alexis. It's fine, honestly."

The two girls chatted for a while, about Alexis' school and friends, and about the latest celebrity gossip that had hit the internet and the tabloids. Almost an hour had passed when Alexis got up to leave. "Oh," she said as she pulled on her coat. "Dad said you're coming to stay with us for a bit?"

Oh he had, had he? Beckett opened her mouth to tell Alexis she was still thinking about it when Castle returned, burger bags in hand.

"Hey, Daddy," Alexis greeted, reaching up to place a kiss on her father's cheek. "I was just about to leave. I was just going to tell Det- _Kate_ , that I think it's a great idea, her coming to stay until she's better."

Oh he was so dead.

"Yeah, Pumpkin?" Castle said to his daughter whilst his eyes were still on Beckett, more specifically on the glare she was giving him at that precise moment in time. Lesser men would have turned in the opposite direction and ran for the hills at that look.

"Yeah," Alexis continued enthusiastically. "Well we have plenty of room and if you're not following Detective Beckett around then you're usually at home anyway so it makes perfect sense!"

Beckett smiled at her not-really-stepdaughters excitement. And then had to suppress a laugh at Castle comically mouthing 'sorry' behind his daughters back. Hell, she was convinced.

"Okay guys, you win - I'll stay."

* * *

Alexis had rushed off to prepare the guest room, excited at their temporary new arrival, leaving Castle and Beckett to eat their lunch. Kate hadn't realised how much she needed the comfort of her favourite fast food.

"I love you."

The words were out of Castle's mouth before his brain could tell him that it was a terrible idea. Beckett nearly choked on her burger - which would effectively put a stop to her staying at his loft for a bit.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry-"

"What, you didn't mean it?" Beckett asked with a sly smile, taking a sip of her milkshake to wash down the lump of food that had nearly stopped her breathing at his words. "Oh come on, Castle," she reasoned at his bewildered look. "It's not like you haven't said it before - in the _real_ world." Of course in her world he'd told her a million times and then some, but he'd said it in the real world too, when she was shot.

"I uh..I'm…" He meant it. He meant it with every inch of his heart. He just hadn't expected her to respond the way she had. "Yes, Beckett.. _Kate_ \- I meant it. I meant it when I told you when you got shot and I mean it now."

He loved her. He actually meant it and he actually loved her. Beckett was trying to refrain from climbing out of bed and jumping up and down like a giddy schoolgirl. Not that her stitches would have appreciated her doing that, she was sure.

"I think I probably have done since the day we met, though I tried my hardest not to think about that, just flirted with you and annoyed you and tried not to let it show that I was crazy about you." Now that Castle had admitted how he felt, it seemed there was no stopping him. "But it was pretty obvious, to me, anyway, that there was more to it than I let on. I guess that's why I invited you to the Hamptons that summer..I wanted to see where this thing between us could go.."

Beckett smiled. In her world right now, she knew where that had gone, and it was hard to comprehend that it hadn't happened and Castle was sitting here right now telling her how he had hoped they could have gone to the Hamptons and basically do what Beckett thought had happened anyway.

"And then I ended up going with Gina instead and boy, was that a mistake! But we came back and I got wind that you were cosying up with Dr Motorcycle Boy and I'll admit, I was hurt - which I know was my fault," he added quickly as Beckett went to interrupt. "But the easiest thing then was to just stick it out with Gina but I swear, Kate, the whole time I was with her I was wishing it was you."

This was the Castle she knew, _her_ Castle. The one who loved her unconditionally and beyond doubt.

"And then things just got too much and we broke up, _again_ , and then there was that case with the dirty bomb and you were still with Josh but there you were telling me that you wanted someone who you could be there for and who could be there for you so you could just jump into it together and I was right there and then.." Castle paused, running a hand through his hair.

"You do know I don't remember all of this, right?" Beckett asked him gently.

"Yeah, Beckett, I know," he smiled. "But really..I don't know if the real you knows this anyway, not about how I felt." He took a deep breath, before continuing his story. "So there I was, ready to jump into it with you and then it just wasn't the right time...and then we got locked in that freezer and-"

"We huddled, for warmth when we realised we couldn't get out."

Castle's gaze snapped up to meet hers. "So..so the cases..they're the same in your world?"

"Well I'd have to go through my old case files to double check but the dirty bomb thing and the freezer? Yeah, that happened. It's just we were together and not..dancing around it like you're describing."

Castle mused over her point for a minute. "So..I mean obviously you don't know how you were feeling or anything but I like to think that all those times were you letting me in and letting those walls come down."

"No, I don't remember how I was feeling then..but I'll tell you one thing, I think I'm sure of - if I've woken up thinking we're married, then it's because I had feelings for you before the shooting."

"So," Castle said, taking her hand in his. "Where does this leave us?"

* * *

 **A/N: Happy 2017 guys! Hope everyone had fun celebrating the New Year! Let me know your thoughts on this chapter :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_"So," Castle said, taking her hand in his. "Where does this leave us?"_

* * *

Now that was a question and a half. Where did this leave them? Kate didn't answer, she wasn't entirely sure what to say or do. The whole situation they were in was crazier than even one of Castle's theories or book storylines, you literally could not make this up.

"I'm sorry," Castle said at Kate's silence. "Maybe now isn't the best time to be talking about this, I mean you have just been shot and had surgery and you've woken up thinking your world is something that it's not so I get it."

"It's fine, Rick," Kate laughed. He always did have to have answers, it was one of the things she loved about him, his never ending curiosity to figure something out, however long it took. "Uh..well I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't think I can really tell you how _I_ feel right now, ya know?" He nodded. "I mean, I don't even know who I am right now..never mind how the real me feels about you."

"You're Kate Beckett," Castle said simply. "An incredible NYPD Detective who puts killers behind bars and leaves me hanging onto every word. You are intriguing, and challenging, and maddening..you're kind and you're thoughtful, and _ridiculously hot_ and..well, I'm crazy in love with you."

Kate blushed; Castle seemed to good at making her do that lately.

"Look, I get that it must be hard for you..I mean like you said - the real you has no idea how you feel about me. But then you know, I'm irresistible so once you get your memory back you'll realise how crazy you are for me too."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Thank you," she said. "For understanding. I mean when I actually think about it, most men would have run in the opposite direction if someone woke up and thought they were married to them." Not Castle though, no, he'd always be there for her, she knew that more than anything. "I meant what I said, before - I might not know how I feel right now but I know that if I've woken up thinking this then it's because there was something there before the shooting. Besides, I'm pretty sure the boys and Lanie's reactions kinda said there was something there."

"It's only taken you three years," Castle muttered and Beckett frowned at him. "Hey, I think I should write down everything you're saying to me now, cause trust me, the Kate Beckett that I know would never be this sappy."

"It's the pain meds," she shot back lightly.

"Hey," Castle pouted. "Anyway, I know we're gonna have to wait until your memory sorts itself out before you can tell me how you really feel. I understand that and as hard as it is, I think it's better cause you know..I wouldn't want you to say it just because.."

"Just because I think we're married." Kate finished and Castle nodded.

"Yeah, I want you to mean it when you tell me, Kate."

"So for now..?"

"We take it slow, I guess?" Castle suggested. "You're gonna be staying with me for at least a week anyway, so we'll go slow, see what happens. Once your memory comes back, well then we can talk properly and take it from there?"

"And what if it doesn't come back?" It hadn't been something they had discussed yet, they hadn't touched on the fact that there was still a 10% chance of her not remembering the real world. Kate was worried a little, that she wouldn't ever remember..it's not like she was unhappy with the memories she did have but still, she wanted her real ones back.

"We'll take it one day at a time and see what happens," Castle reassured her. "Besides, I don't know if I want you to remember - this Kate is much nicer to me than real Kate."

He guessed the pillow she threw at him for that was a mix of real Kate and temporary Kate.

* * *

"You're here!" Alexis bounded down the stairs to greet her father and Kate at the door. "I got got a bunch of spare blankets down from upstairs and left them on the couch," she said enthusiastically, gesturing towards the living room. "And I got some groceries - I'm out tonight - but I know we're all gonna need to eat for the rest of the week and-"

"Pumpkin," Castle interrupted with a laugh. "Let Kate at least get in the front door, eh?"

Kate smiled at Alexis and shot Castle a grateful glance. It was sweet that the girl was so excited about Beckett staying but Kate had literally just walked through the door - she needed a minute to settle in a relax.

"Oh God, sorry," Alexis said. "I was just a little excited.." They didn't have guests stay often, Alexis' friends would come for sleepovers but a proper adult guest? One who was here as her fathers guest? Yeah, that didn't happen often.

"It's okay, Alexis," Kate smiled. "I appreciate that you're excited! Maybe we can do movie night sometime this week?"

"Sure, Det- Kate, I'd like that."

Alexis disappeared back upstairs to get ready for her plans with her friends. Kate turned to find Castle staring at her in amazement. "What?" She asked, dropping her hospital bag on the floor by the stairs and slowly making her way to sit at the kitchen bench.

"Just..you wanna do a movie night with my kid?"

Oh. Right. She wasn't really Alexis' stepmother, she didn't live here and they didn't _do_ movie night.. "Oh uh..sorry, I didn't mean to overstep, I just didn't think."

"No Kate, God no, of course that's not what I meant," Castle laughed and Kate frowned. "I just meant..thank you. I know how much Alexis likes you and looks up to you and thank you, for including her."

"I'm moving into her house for a week, the least I can do is watch a movie and eat some popcorn with her." Kate told him drily. Seriously? He was thanking her for wanting to watch a movie with his daughter? Silly man.

"And uh..would I be invited to join in said movie night?" Castle asked nonchalantly, grabbing them both a glass of juice from the fridge.

Kate pretended to think about it for a minute. "Oh I suppose so, Castle," she mock sighed. "But we're picking the movie."

"God, you drive a hard bargain, woman," he grumbled and Kate smiled. God, she loved him. "So, what do you wanna do this evening?" It was still fairly early, only 4pm and Kate had spent the best part of a week in bed - she might be healing from her shooting so artistic gymnastics was out of the question, but she didn't want to be stuck in bed alone either.

"Erm, well I wouldn't mind a bath at some point?" Castle nodded. "And you know, we can just relax and maybe watch some tv? James Patterson has a new book out too, right? I wanted to read that.."

She was teasing him and he knew it but he played along anyway. Anything to make her smile. "Oh, you wound me Beckett," he huffed, placing his hand on his chest. "One writer not enough for you?"

"You're more than enough to handle," she laughed.

"But you love me!" The words were out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying. Her cheeks flushed pink, her head dropping down so as not to meet his eyes. "Oops, sorry, I uh.."

"Don't worry about it," she replied. She did love him, so much, but she couldn't be 100% sure that it was the real her until she got her memory back. It made her wonder why he was helping her so much, letting her stay at his place, being there for her when surely he knew that if her memory came back and she didn't love him then they were..well, god knows what they would be.

"So um, you wanna get changed into some comfy clothes and we can veg out on the couch, maybe order in for dinner?" He suggested, effectively changing the subject.

Beckett's eyes widened. She hadn't thought about it - with her thoughts being all over the place she must have still been stuck in her 'married to Castle phase' - the last thing that had been on her mind was stopping by her place to grab some stuff, she'd just assumed she would have stuff at the loft. "Castle..I don't have any stuff here!" She wailed. "I got confused and forgot about it all being at my place - do I still live in the same apartment by the way?"

Castle nodded. "Yeah, same place. Sorry, I didn't think either..I can go over there and get you some things?" He offered. "Wanna write me a list and I'll try and find it all?"

Beckett wavered for a minute, before agreeing. She really wanted her favourite sweats. "Sure, thanks, Castle," she smiled. "But don't think this gives you a free pass to rummage through my underwear drawer.

Twenty minutes later and Kate was snuggled up on the couch with the fluffiest blanket she had ever seen and was telling Castle where to find some of the things she needed. Castle had insisted she wasn't to be alone whilst he was gone so had dragged Alexis down from her room to sit with Kate while he got her stuff from her place - which Beckett had protested to, obviously. She could look after herself for an hour. But still, Alexis had said she hadn't minded so the two of them were going to hang out until Castle got back.

"Dad, just go," Alexis said, rolling her eyes. "Anything you don't get I'm sure Kate can borrow from me."

"Alright, alright, I'm going," Castle grumbled, shrugging on his coat. "I won't be long."

Kate and Alexis both stared at the closed door behind Castle for a minute or two. "He loves you," Alexis said simply.

"I know," Beckett replied quietly. Alexis seemed surprised at the detectives answer, she had been half expecting a denial. "He told me when I got shot," Beckett told her. Not to mention she thought she was married to the man, of course he loved her. Castle had also told her just a little while ago that he was in love with her, but she didn't feel like sharing that with his daughter right now, not until they could figure out where they stood with each other.

"Of course he did," Alexis laughed. "That definitely sounds like something Dad would do! And uh..do you love him?"

Kate had been half expecting that next question. And she couldn't lie, not to Alexis. "I don't know?" She gave an honest answer. "Of course the part of me that thinks we're married does, I wouldn't have married him otherwise. But as for the real me..well the reason your dad isn't here right now is because I forgot I even still had my own place, I can't be sure what I feel."

"Thats..fair enough," Alexis agreed. She couldn't possibly imagine the situation Beckett was in right now but she could see it must be hard to figure what was real and what wasn't. "I've watched the two of you for a few years now, wondering why my dad kept going back but..he's right, you're pretty special." It had been hard, watching her father throw himself into all those dangerous situations, running in behind Beckett, forgetting he wasn't actually a cop, but Beckett was amazing - she could see why her father was in love with his partner.

Beckett didn't know what to say; Castle really did have a wonderful kid. "I..thanks, Alexis," she smiled eventually.

"No worries," Alexis shrugged. "Now hurry up and get your memory back so you can my dad can give me a little sister."

* * *

True to his word, Castle had been back within the hour, a suitcase full of Beckett's stuff being dragged behind him. "I'm staying for a week, Castle," she laughed. "How much stuff did you bring for me?"

"The doctor said at least a week, Beckett," he pouted, dropping her case at the bottom of the stairs. "I brought some more just incase you have to stay longer.."

Beckett eyed him suspiciously. She was walking around okay now, not for long but she could manage walking, and she'd only just got out of the hospital. She was pretty sure she'd be able to go back to her own place after a week. But she'd let it slide for now.

"Great, well now that you're back, Dad, I can go and meet Paige," Alexis said brightly as she jumped up from the couch. "Not that I didn't enjoy hanging out with you.." She added to Kate, realising how her comment had sounded.

Kate laughed. "No offence taken, kid. Have a good night."

"You too, guys," Alexis said as she grabbed her bag from the kitchen counter and kissed her father on the cheek.

"Bye, Pumpkin - be home by 9, okay?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "It's the summer holidays, Castle - at least let the girl stay out til 10." She was 17 for crying out loud, and it was the holidays and Alexis was the most responsible kid she knew.

"Fine," Castle grumbled. He wasn't quite ready to admit his little girl was growing up but Beckett was right, she could stay out a little later than usual. "10, no later, okay?"

"Thanks Kate," Alexis grinned as she left. "Love you, daddy!"

"I'm not sure I like this, you know, you taking Alexis' side," Castle huffed to Beckett.

"Oh relax, Rick, she'll probably be home at 9.15 anyway. Now, can I go take a bath?"

"Can I join you?" Castle asked, brightening up immediately.

Beckett was tempted to say yes. Despite knowing the truth it was hard to stop thinking Castle as her husband - and she and _her_ husband shared baths quite often. But not yet, not when they were still trying to figure out what was going on between the two of them. "I thought we were taking things slow, Rick?"

Right. Yeah, married but not really. Slow. "I'll get you some towels."

* * *

"Serenity?" Kate said, scrunching her nose up as she joined Castle on the couch, dressed in her favourite sweats and one of Castle's t-shirts that she'd found in his bathroom. "Really?" He'd picked the movie while she was in the bath - and she didn't seem happy with his choice.

"It's great!" Castle argued. "The lead character, Captain Reynolds, he's.." Kate watched in amusement for a few minutes while Castle rambled on and on about the movie. "What?" He asked, noticing her expression.

"Nothing," she grinned. "What are we eating?"

As well as choosing the movie, Castle had also ordered Chinese for them to share for dinner. It was due to arrive shortly and Castle had to physically stop Beckett from getting up to help get plates and drinks and cutlery. "You were shot," he had reprimanded. "Just sit, I'll bring you everything you need." Kate had rolled her eyes, but really, she found it adorable.

So that was how they spent the evening. The food had been amazing and Kate had to admit - the movie hadn't been too bad. The laughed and talked for a few hours, falling back into the easy routine they had when they were at the precinct. Beckett had to remind herself a few times of the reality of the situation and that she and Castle weren't actually married.

Castle couldn't help himself but he was falling more in love with her. He could count the number of times they'd hung out like this just the two of them on one had. Usually they were joined by the boys or Lanie and if they were alone then they would be discussing the case or chasing up new leads. They very rarely just sat and talked. And as the evening wore on, Castle realised he was going to miss this once she was feeling better and had moved back to her own place. He decided then to make it his mission to get her to stay.

Alexis, surprisingly, wasn't home by 9.30, though Kate had helped put an end to Castle's worrying. She'd be home soon, she wasn't stupid enough to stay out past her already extended curfew. Kate though was ready for bed. It had been a long day and she was still healing, she was exhausted. Castle jumped up, ready to see her off to bed when she froze on her way to the stairs, he almost crashed into her, just managing to stop in time.

"Beckett? What's the matter?"

"The stairs," she replied. "I can walk and everything but I don't think I can quite manage the stairs just yet." It was something else she hadn't thought about, just like her clothes. In her world, she and Castle stayed in his room - downstairs - together, but here in the real world the plan was for her stay in the guest room - which was upstairs.

"Ah," Castle said, kicking himself for not realising sooner either. "Well that's okay, you can stay in my bed and I'll sleep upstairs."

"Don't be silly, Castle, I'm not kicking you out of your own bed," she told him, as she rolled her eyes.

"Well then what are we going to do? I mean I could carry you up the stairs- okay, or not, bad idea," he backtracked as he saw her face to that particular idea. "I mean..we did sleep in the same bed last night.." Beckett blushed at the memory. "So what do you say, Beckett? Wanna snuggle?"

* * *

 **A/N: Over 100 reviews now! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed/followed and tweeted about this story! Thoughts welcome on this chapter too :)**


	7. Chapter 7

" _So what do you say, Beckett? Wanna snuggle?"_

* * *

Oh he was testing her self control and her patience and her... _ugh_ , she hated him right now. They were meant to be taking it slow and waiting for her memory to come back and make everything right in the world. Just a few hours ago she'd had to stop him getting into the bath with her and now he wanted them to share a bed? Again. Because, the little voice in her head reminded her, she and Castle had shared a bed the previous night in the hospital too.

"I can hear your brain overthinking from here." Castle smirked as he spoke, watching as her head snapped up for her eyes to meet his gaze, whipping her out of her own little world of overthinking sharing a bed together. Again. She was adorable. "Come on, Beckett," he said, "no funny business, I promise." She frowned at him. "Well, unless you _want_ funny business to happen.." he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Beckett rolled her eyes at his insinuation. "Not quite up to funny business just yet, Rick," she replied with a grin, slowly turning herself around from the stairs and moving towards his room. "You comin', Castle?" She threw over her shoulder as she retreated into his office, towards where his bedroom was located.

Castle had to stop himself from running to catch up with her.

It was probably a terrible idea, Beckett knew that. But what else could they do? She needed to be with people for a little while longer, until she was healed more, and she couldn't manage the stairs just yet. And she wasn't going to make Castle move out of his own room just so she could sleep in there, she'd feel so terrible that she wouldn't sleep and then she wouldn't get better. So it seemed as if her only option was for the two of them to share his bed for the night..well, it was a big bed, wasn't it?

Castle had made her take another painkiller before bed to try and help her sleep better, and as much as she wanted to be strong and fight through it, she had given in; she didn't particularly want to be awake half the night in pain.

Beckett had to stifle a laugh as Castle slipped into bed - he slept on the same side that _her_ Castle did. This whole thing felt so familiar and yet so strange. "What are you laughing at?" Castle asked her as she got into her side of the bed.

"Nothing," she grinned. "Just um..no, nothing, I'm just being silly."

"Come on, Beckett," he scoffed. "You're talking to the king of silly. What is it?"

"I was just thinking that all of this feels so familiar to me, you know?" She smiled sadly. "I mean, you're even on your side of the bed.."

Castle smiled back at her. How cute was it that Kate Beckett was getting sentimental over sides of the bed? The two of them shifted around to get comfortable before both lying still in the dark and quiet.

Beckett suddenly felt like she wasn't tired - being in bed before 10pm was early for her but she had been shattered out in the lounge, she thought going to bed now was what she needed.

"I can hear you thinking again."

"You do know that's literally impossible, right?"

Castle didn't reply to that, mainly because she was right. But still, he _could_ hear her thinking, he could tell she wasn't sleeping, or even trying to, without even looking at her. Not that he was sleeping - for the second night in a row, he was sharing a bed with Kate Beckett. How was he supposed to sleep knowing she was right next to him?!

"I uh, I seem to remember you saying something about snuggling, Castle?"

Castle was glad it was dark, he wasn't sure he wanted her to see the grin on his face in that moment.

* * *

Beckett felt like she'd been asleep for about five minutes when she was woken up again. It was still dark when she opened her eyes, her confusion soon landing on the weight over her middle - before she realised it was Castle's arm. The source of their rude awakening was Alexis, bounding into the room - loudly - rambling off words like 'not here', 'missing' and 'guest room'.

"Hey, Pumpkin, slow it down would you?" Castle grumbled, sitting up in bed. "What's happened?"

"It's Det-Kate," Alexis explained hurriedly. "She's gone! The guest room is empty and she's not in the lounge, or in the kitchen and-"

"I'm here." Kate supplied from her position next to Castle. "You can stop worrying, kid."

"Oh... _oh."_ Alexis' face turned a shade that clashed horribly with her red hair as she realised what 'here' coming from Kate meant. "I'm..god, I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were um.."

"Kate couldn't manage the stairs, sweetie," Castle explained as he heard Kate groan in embarrassment beside him. "That's why she's in here."

"I..don't need to know," Alexis stuttered. "I'm just gonna..go..to bed..alone, oh _god_ , um…"

"Night, Alexis," Kate called loudly, and the girl hurried from the room, shutting the door behind her. "'Cause that wasn't awkward," Kate muttered once she and Castle were alone again.

Castle chuckled. "She was just surprised, that's all. I think the only woman she's ever seen me in bed with is her mother, and the last time that happened was when she was three."

Beckett contemplated for a moment. "But.. what about Gina?"

"Never really around much," Castle shrugged, "busy lives, you know."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Nothing."

They were both silent for a few more minutes.

"Wanna snuggle again?" Beckett asked.

"Thought you'd never ask."

This time, Beckett was the one grinning.

* * *

"What do you fancy for breakfast?" Castle asked, the two of them lazing in bed as the sunrise began to stream through the bedroom window.

 _You_. "Uh..pancakes?" Kate replied, blushing at her first thought. Castle smirked at her answer, making Beckett panic for a moment that she'd voiced her first thought out loud. "Um..what's wrong with pancakes? You love pancakes?" Was it only in _her_ world that Castle loved pancakes?

"I do," Castle nodded. "But what you seem to be forgetting is that pancakes are an edible way of saying thank you for last night." He grinned at the blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Shut up," she grumbled. "Go make me pancakes."

Castle laughed as he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. When he returned a few moments later, he almost tripped over the bed when he saw Beckett trying to get up. "Beckett," he half-squealed, "why didn't you call me?"

"I can get out of bed, Castle," she huffed whilst proving herself wrong. She couldn't get out of bed; she had managed to get herself at up and had swung her legs around so they were hanging over the edge of the bed and touching the floor. "Why is this bed so damn close to the floor?" The only part she was having trouble with was getting up from the bed to a standing position.

"You slept like a baby last night, Beckett," Castle reminded her as he rushed over to help her. Hauling her up under her arms they managed to get her stood up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she told him, ignoring his comment. "Alone." She added sternly. "Go make me pancakes"

Castle grinned the whole way to the kitchen. She so wanted him.

* * *

"You have that appointment at the outpatients office today don't you?" Castle asked over their pancakes. Beckett nodded, tucking into her food. "Want me to come with you?"

"I uh...sure, if you don't have anything better to do." Castle shifted, a guilty look crossing his face. "You have a chapter due, don't you?"

"Sorta," Castle admitted. "But Gina did call the other day and say that given the circumstances, Black Pawn are willing to give me an extra couple of weeks to get it finished."

Beckett ignored the pang of jealousy at hearing Gina's name. "Oh, so you're using my shooting to your advantage, are you?" He didn't answer. "Right, well I'll take that as a yes then. But yeah, I've got the appointment, shouldn't be anything too crazy, just gotta check in with the doctor and have a nurse change my dressing." She had only just gotten out of the hospital the previous day but she still had an appointment today. It was in the outpatients department though, and she just needed to ask the doctor a few questions - mainly about her memory and when and how she could expect to get that back.

"Great, well I was thinking..do you wanna drop by the precinct on our way there? See the boys, meet your new Captain?" Beckett sucked in a breath of air at the mention of a new Captain. "God, I'm sorry, Beckett, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," she cut in. She was going to have to face it at some point, Montgomery was never coming back. "That sounds good, though." Despite her injury, she had been itching to get back to work. She knew it was a long way off yet, but it would be nice to drop by and see the boys.

"Perfect. I'm gonna go jump in the shower - eat your pancakes."

* * *

Beckett's appointment was at 1pm, so she and Castle left the loft a little before 11 - Alexis was either still in bed or avoiding them after the embarrassment of the previous night, giving them time to drop by the 12th and get to the hospital. Luckily, the boys were there when they arrived, chasing down leads for their latest case.

"Yo, Beckett..Castle!" Espo called as they exited the lift. "What're you guys doing here?"

"Just thought we'd drop in, say hi," Beckett smiled weakly. She had been determined to make it to the precinct and to the hospital but after just 30 minutes away from the comfort of Castle's loft, she was feeling a little shaky.

"Oh, hey guys!" Ryan greeted warmly, as Beckett sat herself in her chair at her desk, Castle taking his place in his usual seat too. "How you doing, Beckett?"

"I'm getting there," she replied. "Castle's taking care of me." She didn't miss the look between Ryan and Esposito at that. "So uh, where's the new Captain?"

"In Mont- in her office." Espo told them. "She'll probably come out in a minute and say hi."

True to Espo's word, the door to the Captain's office opened, a sharp, severe looking woman heading towards Beckett's desk to see what the crowd was for. "Ah, you must be Detective Beckett?" She asked and Kate nodded. "I'm Captain Victoria Gates. I must admit, I didn't expect to see you here so soon?"

"Just dropping by, Captain," Beckett reassured. "Castle and I wanted to come in and say hi, see how everyone's doing."

Gates spun around to see Castle sitting just behind her. "Ah yes, I had heard about the writer that followed you around. I'm not sure what kind of a show Montgomery was running-" she stopped short of finishing her sentence at the reaction of the detectives - and writer - surrounding her. "Yes, well..be sure to look after yourself and uh, come and see me when you're ready to return to active duty." Gates disappeared back into her office.

"Well, she seems...nice?" Beckett suggested. In all honesty it didn't really matter who it was, the circumstances in which Gates had become the replacement was enough for Beckett to dislike her whoever she was.

"Beckett, we better go," Castle announced as he stood up. "We don't wanna get stuck in traffic and be late for your appointment."

Kate nodded and made to get up from her chair. Castle moved to help her but she flapped him away - him helping her get out of bed was one thing but out of her chair, in the precinct, in front of their friends? Yeah, not going to happen.

"Cmon then Castle," she said, after saying her goodbyes to Espo and Ryan. "Let's go find out how long I have to wait until I get my memory back."

* * *

 **A/N: I'd like to point out that my American medical knowledge comes from watching Grey's Anatomy. I mean, they don't even public healthcare so I have no idea how it works. (The NHS is awesome.) Therefore, please forgive any glaring mistakes on what would happen in real life. Thoughts welcome on the chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I'm sorry I can't reply to you all individually but please know all your reviews are very much appreciated.**

* * *

 _"C'mon then Castle," she said, after saying her goodbyes to Espo and Ryan. "Let's go find out how long I have to wait until I get my memory back."_

* * *

Beckett had to fill out some forms for her insurance once they arrived at the hospital, the two of them sitting themselves down in the waiting room while she worked her way through them. She was in a bit of pain now that she had been out for a while, she was looking forward to getting this appointment over and done with so she could go and collapse on her sofa. _Castle's sofa_ , she mentally corrected. She was getting desperate for her memory to come back now.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"Hmm?" She half replied, not really listening. "Oh, uh.." her brain registered what he had actually said. "Um I guess? I mean only if you want to..but it might be good, you know, just incase the doctor has anything he needs to say about the um..living arrangements."

It was a pathetic reason and they both knew it but he didn't call her out on it. "I don't mind," he smiled at her. "Obviously I'll give you some privacy to have the dressing changed but I can come in with you."

She didn't reply, just smiled at him and passed her completed forms to a nurse walking by. They sat there in a contented silence until a different nurse appeared, calling out for Katherine Beckett. Castle helped her up and could tell she must be hurting when she didn't scold him for trying to help in public. "Beckett," he hissed as they made their way towards the smiling nurse. "Why didn't you say you were in pain? I would have gone and got you some painkillers!"

"I'm fine, Castle," she huffed, silencing him with a look when he made to argue. "I'm Katherine Beckett," she announced to the nurse.

"Perfect, if you and your husband want to follow me, I'll take you to Dr Taylor's office."

"Oh..um, we're not uh..we aren't married." Castle hid his smirk at the blush on Beckett's face as she corrected the nurse.

"Really?" The nurse frowned, shaking her head. "My apologies for that then..well um, just follow me, please." She led them slowly down a short hallway, before taking a left and leading them into a nice sized office. "If you want to take a seat, Dr Taylor will be with you shortly."

Castle thanked her as he and Beckett made their way into the room and sat down. He was still a little annoyed that Beckett hadn't told him she was in pain; how she expected to heal if she wouldn't even take some painkillers when she was hurting was beyond him. He made a mental note to grab her some from a nurse if he could when he stepped out when her dressings were being changed. Damn stubborn woman.

"Afternoon, folks," a voice announced, entering through the same door Castle and Beckett had just come through and closing it behind himself. "I'm Dr Ethan Taylor, I'm guessing you're Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle?" They nodded. "As in _the_ Richard Castle?" The doctor asked, doing a double take as he glanced at the pair while moving to his own seat on the other side of the desk.

"That's me," Castle smiled and Kate rolled her eyes.

"So you must be Nikki Heat, then?" Dr Taylor grinned.

"Apparently so," Beckett muttered. Of course her doctor knew who Castle was.

"Well, I'm a big fan, Mr Castle." Castle smiled. "Right, so down to business then. I've read through your notes, Miss Beckett; I understand you got shot whilst at work?"

"The funeral of my Captain, but essentially, yes." Her reply was curt. Was this really necessary? It didn't matter why she had got shot, he was just here to check she was doing okay and to get her dressing changed.

"Hm, and you're a police officer?"

"Detective."

"Impressive. Though hard work, I imagine?" Beckett nodded. "Well, I think we're a little way off of discussing getting you back to work just yet, but how are you doing? I can see you were only discharged about 24 hours ago?"

"She's in pain," Castle announced before Beckett could even open her mouth. He ignored her glare and carried on. "She'll pretend she's not but she is, I can tell."

Dr Taylor surveyed the two of them for a moment. "I can have a nurse bring you in some painkillers in a moment, if you'd like?"

Beckett sighed but gave in eventually. "Please." Castle was right, she was in pain. She didn't want to admit it but a painkiller would probably help. "But I'm pretty good, otherwise."

"And the two of you live together?"

Beckett said "yes" at the same time as Castle said "no". Dr Taylor raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure what my notes say, Doctor," Kate started to explain. "But when I woke up a few days ago I seem to have uh..re written my past." Nobody said anything so Kate continued. "Castle and I work together at the precinct - hence Nikki Heat - but we aren't actually together. I just..seem to think we're married now." She was getting bored of explaining this story already. "And besides," she added, eyes narrowing at Castle. "We _are_ living together, for the moment, anyway."

"Beckett has moved in with me for a week or so until she's feeling a little better," Castle explained. "Her previous doctor didn't want her going home alone, at least not at first and I have plenty of space."

 _Yeah,_ Beckett thought, _and we're still sharing a room - and a bed._

"I see," Doctor Taylor nodded. "And you're both happy to stick with that?" Castle and Beckett nodded. "Great. Okay, so I would suggest you take the painkillers _regularly_ ," he said with a pointed look at Beckett. "Don't over do it, given that you've been out today I think it may be best if you stay in and rest for the rest of the day and probably tomorrow too, if at all possible. No stairs for a while if you can avoid them. The medication will manage the pain if you take it every few hours. How's your appetite?"

"Good, actually," Beckett laughed. She hadn't missed the comment about not climbing any stairs for a while - which meant she and Castle would be sharing a bed for the foreseeable future.

"That's a good sign," Doctor Taylor smiled. "Eating regularly will keep your energy levels up. So see how you go with all of that and I'll arrange another appointment for you for a weeks time. I don't want you going home until I've seen you again though, if that's okay?"

Beckett looked to Castle - who rolled his eyes. "Of course that's okay." Like she had to ask.

"Lovely. Okay, I'll get a nurse to bring you some medication when she comes in to change your dressing. Any questions before I go?"

"Yes, actually," Beckett said, the most enthusiasm she'd had since walking in there. "When can I expect to get my memory back?" It had been playing on her mind since the previous night. It wasn't that thinking she was married to Castle was turning out to be the worst thing in the world but they couldn't go on like this forever. She needed _her_ back.

"It's hard to say really, I'm afraid," the doctor told them. "It's a stranger case than usual - normally after trauma, patients would tend to forget certain events completely, not fill them with made up ones instead." Though from the way he'd been observing the detective and the writer, it was hard to believe that they weren't really married. "Usually patients wake up one day and their memories have come back, so I doubt it will happen in the middle of the day. If I'm being completely honest, it could be tomorrow, it could be in a week, or a month, or even a year. There's no telling, I'm afraid." Beckett nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show. "I'll go and get a nurse to change your dressing for you."

The doctor left and so did Castle. He was probably going to make sure the nurse brought her some painkillers knowing him. But he had said he's leave her to it for this part which she appreciated, she wasn't quite ready for him to see her like this just yet.

The nurse changing her dressing was the same one who had shown Beckett and Castle to the room earlier on. "I am sorry for what I assumed earlier," the woman said as she removed Beckett's current dressing. "I just saw the two of you and well..you just looked like you'd been doing the same thing together for years."

Beckett gave a small smile. "Don't worry about it."

"And if you're asking me, being married to him? Well, that doesn't seem like it would be too bad."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Castle asked, concern laced in his question. Beckett had hardly spoken two words to him since they'd left the hospital; they were now only a five minute drive away from being back at his loft.

"I'm fine," she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She was lying and they both knew it.

"Mmhm, you wanna try that again, make it sound a little more convincing?"

She laughed at that. "I'm okay, Castle, just.."

"You were hoping for a more concrete answer on when you're going to get your memory back." Beckett looked at him for a moment before nodding. "I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you, not really knowing what your past is actually like. God, if I woke up and didn't know who Alexis was or something it'd kill me. But you know I'm always here for you, don't you?" It was so hard for him to see her like this, she wasn't right and he was almost missing the Kate Beckett that would roll her eyes at every other thing he said.

"I know, Castle. And I really do appreciate it." He was going above and beyond, she was aware of that. He wasn't really her husband and had no obligation to help her out but here he was anyway, being the perfect partner.

The loft was filled with the smell of herbs and spices and sauces when they arrived back and it didn't take them long to realise Alexis was preparing dinner.

"Hey," she grinned brightly. "I knew Beckett had her appointment today and that you guys would probably just wanna relax when you got back so I thought I'd make dinner! You like Mexican, right Beckett?"

"I love Mexican," she grinned, feeling the best she had all day. The tablet the nurse had given her at the hospital was kicking in now, holding off some of the ache that had been steadily worsening throughout the day. She'd promised Castle she'd take another one after dinner and then first thing in the morning. Perhaps taking them regularly might help after all.

"You didn't have to cook for us, Pumpkin," Castle said, helping Beckett to a seat in the kitchen.

"I wanted to," Alexis shrugged. "I mean, you did extend my curfew last night so I guess I should say thanks somehow." Castle smirked at the memory of the previous night when Alexis had burst in on he and Beckett in bed together. Alexis, it seemed, was having the same thought - her cheeks were going pink again. "Um..do you want a drink?" She asked Beckett.

"I'm good, thanks sweetie." She checked her watch, seeing it was a little after 3. "Do you guys mind if I go take a nap before dinner?" Going out today had taken it out of her.

"Of course not," Castle smiled at her. "Do you need any help in the kitchen, Alexis?"

Alexis narrowed her eyes at her father. "I know you need to write, Dad. I'm fine in here. Go and get the chapter finished and I'll come find you when dinner's ready. Gram should be home soon, anyway." Not that her grandmother would be a great deal of help in the kitchen.

"But..I want to help," Castle pouted, only half speaking the truth. He just didn't want to write.

"Dad! Go and write!"

Castle huffed and led the way towards his office, Beckett following behind so she could take a nap.

"I'll wake you when dinner's ready," he promised as she disappeared into his bedroom. Seriously, how was he supposed to write when Kate Beckett was in his bed without him?!

* * *

"This is lovely, Alexis," Beckett praised. Alexis had gone all out on the Mexican theme; there were fajitas and enchiladas and nachos, Beckett was in heaven. "You really didn't need to go to so much effort."

"It was nothing," Alexis shrugged, scarily similar to her father. "Mexican is easy, really."

"Kate's right, Pumpkin," Castle supplied, "you did great!"

"So, Katherine, dear," Martha said. "Is my son looking after you?" At first she had been surprised at the arrangement that had been made following Kate being discharged from hospital but Martha soon realised it made sense. Hopefully it would help the two of them realise how much they loved and cared for each other.

"Castle's been perfect," Kate replied easily and Rick blushed. Martha and Alexis shared a look.

"So, Mother," Castle said loudly, changing the subject. "How's your day been?"

The rest of their dinner passed without any more awkward comments about how well Castle had been taking care of Beckett, the four of them laughing and joking and eating. Like a family. Beckett couldn't help but think how good all of this felt and how happy it made her, the four of them sitting around the table and laughing and joking over a meal. It made her realise that once this was all over, once she was back at her place - hopefully with the right memories - she would miss it, spending the evenings with her family, talking about their day. But they weren't her family, not really. She was just a guest and soon it would all be taken away from her. She and Castle had agreed to take things slow and work out what they were and what was going to happen between them once her memory was back, but taking it slow didn't involve living together and eating dinner as a family and spending every night in the same bed.

Alexis insisted on doing the dishes after they had all eaten, forcing her father and Kate to relax together on the sofa whilst Martha prepared herself for the party she was attending that night. After the kitchen was cleaned up, Alexis excused herself to go and finish her homework - with a promise to do movie night tomorrow - leaving Castle and Beckett to talk amongst themselves.

"You staying in my bed again tonight?" He couldn't quite meet her eyes as he asked her.

Beckett hid a smirk. "Well uh..the doctor did say no stairs yet." She told him suggestively. "But I mean, if you don't want me to then-"

"No no, I want you to stay..in my bed..if you want that is, I mean you don't have to but-"

"Castle, relax," she giggled. "I'd love to stay in your bed again."

* * *

 **A/N: I've been thinking about adding a touch of drama to this as I don't want it to get boring (not too much, don't panic!) I'm not sure what's gonna happen yet but the main storyline will still be the same :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: sorry for the long wait for this chapter, I've been super busy! Thank you for all your comments about it not getting boring, I appreciate that!**

* * *

 _"Castle, relax," she giggled. "I'd love to stay in your bed again."_

* * *

Beckett woke with a start, eyes opened wide, heart racing and her breath coming in short pants. It was still dark, Beckett glanced at the clock on the bedside table, noting that it was only just gone 3 am. Running a hand through her hair, she tried to figure out why she was awake so early - and so suddenly. She shifted carefully in the bed, trying to move without causing herself too much pain and also trying not to wake Castle.

"Beckett?" So that part of her plan had failed. "Beckett, what's wrong?" He mumbled, turning to face her and patting around in the darkness to pull her closer to him.

"Nothing," she lied, trying to keep her breathing even. "Go back to sleep."

"This is not nothing," he argued. "I know nothing and this isn't nothing. Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm fine." It was only a half-lie, the pain in her chest wasn't too bad, it was bearable, anyway. "Honestly Castle, go back to sleep." The last thing she wanted was for Castle to cause a fuss and a big deal out of this.

"Beckett," she could tell he was frowning. "Come on, I can tell something's up. When I woke up you were out of breath and I can practically hear your heart racing from here." He wasn't letting her push him away and shut him out, not anymore. They might not be together just yet but they were halfway there, she needed to learn to let him in and trust him.

"It was just a dream," she whispered into the darkness. It had been more than a dream, it had felt _so real_. It was if she was actually there and it had taken her a few moments after waking up to realise she had been dreaming.

"Just a dream," Castle scoffed and she could tell he wasn't going to give up anytime soon. "Just a dream doesn't do this to a person, Beckett. Talk to me, I want to help you."

She sighed and rolled onto her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling above her. "I was dreaming about us," she admitted eventually. "Except we weren't _us_. Well I don't know, maybe that is us, how am I supposed to know when I can't remember a damn thing?" He didn't say anything so she carried on. "I mean, I'm saying it wasn't us but I guess it was more real than whatever is going on now. We weren't married, in my dream..we were hardly even friends. You worked with us but more with Ryan and Espo than me." The parts were becoming slightly fuzzy now that she was awake and she was trying to piece together what she had been dreaming about. "I think you started off shadowing me but then you looked into my mothers case and I got mad at you and you..backed off."

"Kinda like real life then," Castle muttered. He could tell she was glaring at him even in the darkness.

"Anyway," she continued, as if she hadn't heard him speak. "After that you spent more and more time with the boys. Nikki Heat was just a short lived thing, she then became a side character in your books about Raley and Ochoa."

"Yeah, I can't really see a book about those two selling as well as Nikki Heat.." Castle mused.

Again, Beckett ignored him. "And..well, 'cause you dropped my mother's case, Montgomery wasn't killed and I wasn't shot."

Castle added on an "and didn't lose my memory" to the end of her sentence. "And then you woke up?"

"Yup." She didn't know why the dream had affected her so badly, she could only suppose it had something to do with the fact that she was worried that that was more like their actual lives were than the ones they were living now. "Castle?" She asked quietly. "We're not really like that, are we?"

Is that what she was worried about? "Hey, no, of course it's not!" He shuffled around in his bed to move closer to her and pull her into a hug. "Do you really think I'd be doing all this if that's what we were like? Anyway, I don't think Ryan and Espo would have put up with me like you do."

"Yeah, that's probably true," she laughed with him.

" I mean yeah, I did look into your mothers case and you did get mad at me but.."

"I got the guy who killed her."

Castle nodded. "Wait..did you remember that before? Like when you first woke up after the shooting or was it just now?"

"Uh.." Beckett honestly couldn't remember. "I don't….I don't know." Was she finally beginning to get her memory back? Or was it just false hope, had she really known this all along and they just hadn't discussed what she did know? "I think it must have been before," she said finally, her heart sinking as she spoke. "I mean, I think I remember everything right up to just before the summer when we- _you_ went to the Hamptons. And that was a couple months after I shot Coonan so I'm thinking I must have already known that."

"Yeah..yeah I guess that makes sense." Castle tried not to let his disappointment show. Sure, he was enjoying having her here but he'd give anything now for her to have everything sorted and for the two of them to be able to make a proper go of it.

"I'm sorry, Castle," she whispered.

He felt like an ass. Clearly he hadn't been all that subtle in his response and now he'd upset her. "Hey, no, I'm sorry," he told her. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just thought maybe you were starting to remember. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Well I guess that could have been me starting to remember but I'm not sure if I already knew that before." They were both silent for a minute. "I'm glad you did it, you know?"

"Did what?" He asked with a frown.

"Looked into my mothers case. I know I asked you not to and I know I got mad at you when you did but I'm glad you did it." She didn't know if real Castle knew this so now seemed as good a time as any to let him know. "If you hadn't dug everything up again I never would have got Coonan, he'd still be on the streets now and more people would probably be dead." Of course Montgomery had been sacrificed in all of that and nearly her own life too, but killing Coonan had brought just a tiny piece of justice for her mother. "So thank you, Rick. For poking your nose into my business and digging up the past and basically going against my wishes."

"There was a thank you in there somewhere, I think," Castle chuckled. "You're welcome, Kate."

"You wanna get some more sleep?" She asked him, feeling slightly guilty for waking him and keeping him up for a while. She glanced at the clock and it was now 4.30am. She knew she wouldn't get back to sleep at this time, her body too used to being woken up and staying up, but she wouldn't stop Castle from getting a few more hours. She could just go and use his coffee machine…

Castle thought over her question for a minute. "Well if I know you half as well as I think I do, I know you're not going back to sleep so I'm good. Wanna go make coffee?"

* * *

"But Dad, what if it never happens? What are the both of you going to do then?" Alexis was sat at the kitchen counter eating her breakfast - her father had made her pancakes.

"Pumpkin, everything is fine. You need to stop worrying so much!" Kate was currently in the shower, both she and Castle had gotten up at 4.30, snuggling with coffee and blankets on the couch, talking and half-watching the tv Castle had put on for background noise. It was still early but after a few hours of sitting around, Kate had decided to shower and get dressed for the day, leaving Castle to cook pancakes for Alexis before she left for school.

"Dad, I know you're hoping for the best because that's what you do but you need to think about what happens if Kate doesn't get her memory back. She's living here at the moment and don't get me wrong, I love having her around but you can't go on like this forever."

Castle knew that. Of course he knew. He just didn't want to think about it, not yet. Beckett had only been out of the hospital for a few days and she was still recovering from the initial trauma of being shot in the chest. And besides, he liked having her here too and Beckett herself seemed pretty happy with the current arrangements so why mess everything up?

"Look, I know you love her and yeah, I think maybe she loves you too but without her memory coming back you're never gonna know for sure." Alexis desperately wanted things to work out between her father and Kate but she wasn't crazy about that happening before Kate remembered her real life. Her dad had been hurt too many times before and although she knew how much Kate cared for him, Alexis would feel better once Kate remembered everything and made those decisions.

"She's right, Castle." Kate appeared in the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter next to Alexis. "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you guys talking when I was getting out of the shower and.."

"Kate, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, no, you've got nothing to apologise for, Alexis. I completely get everything you said and your dad and I will have a talk today and figure out a plan, okay?"

They would? That was news to Castle, but his daughter accepted it with a smile and a nod, before hopping down to grab her bag and head off to school. The girl rushed around to the other side of the counter to place a kiss on her fathers cheek before doing the same to Kate on her way back around.

"Have a good day, Alexis," Kate said as she disappeared out the door.

"So, you wanted to talk?" Castle said tentatively as he placed a cup of coffee in front of Kate. "Shall we move to the living room?"

"Sure," Kate smiled, picking up her coffee and heading to make herself comfortable. Once Castle had joined her she let out what she was feeling. "My dream last night..it scared me, Castle. It made me realise that I literally have no clue what the past few years have been like..the dream I had was the complete opposite to how I'm feeling now and I'm guessing we're somewhere in the middle of the two?" Castle nodded, that was about right. "And Alexis is right we can't keep doing this forever. When you think about it, this could all be over tomorrow. I could wake up tomorrow with my memory back and maybe I don't want us to be together, maybe I don't like you as much like in my dream..maybe I'm not ready for all of this." She took a deep breath to calm herself down, she was feeling a little emotional at the moment.

"Hey, don't get upset," he soothed, pulling her into a hug. "We'll figure it out, we always do! And I know things at the moment must seem a little overwhelming but hey, I already know you hate me really," he joked, trying to cheer her up and she laughed a little, sniffing and dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her sleeve. "We will work it out, I promise. And once you get those memories back we'll take it from there, figure out how you feel and what you feel comfortable with and just take it slow, okay?"

She nodded into his chest. "This is why I love you, you know." She felt Castle stiffen, and it dawned on her what she'd said. "Oh god, erm..sorry, I didn't mean to uh.." Oh what was the point, this her loved him, didn't she? "Actually, I meant it. This me loves you and that's why she married you and I'd like to think I'm a pretty sensible person so I think real me probably loves you too."

"That's good enough for me," Castle smiled, hugging her tighter to him. He'd never admit it to her but he was scared as well. Scared that she'd never get her memory back and scared that she would. Scared that she wouldn't want him and again, scared that she would. He'd been married twice and screwed them both up and Kate Beckett was not a woman he wanted to screw anything up with. He loved her and _this_ her loved him and she had even said the real her probably loved him and that scared him too. What Alexis had said earlier was right, they couldn't dance around this forever waiting for something to happen, they needed to make a plan. And he suddenly realised he may have one..

"I have an idea," he announced to Beckett, who was still snuggled into his chest. Not that he was complaining.

"'Cause your ideas always end well," she muttered jokingly and he rolled his eyes.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Anyway, I have an idea and it might be a little weird and you can say no but I'm hoping it might be a sort of solution to our...issue."

"I'm listening." She could do with one of his crazy theories right about now.

"Right so I propose that we set a time frame. We pick a date, however long from now, and then we wait until that date to see if your memory comes back. The doctor said you might be able to go home next week and obviously you can if you want, but you're also welcome to stay here. And so we pick this date and if your memory comes back before then, great. We talk about how you feel and take it from there."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then by the time it gets to the date we set, we try and work things out anyway. If you still don't remember then we sit down and we talk and we'll see if we think we can start something anyway. We can't wait around forever so we give it a little longer and then just go for it, dive right in, together."

It wasn't a bad idea, really. Of course there were all sorts of issues, such as what happened if they got six months into starting something and then her memory came back but still, it wasn't a bad idea. It was the best one they had, anyway. "Okay," she agreed. "I think we can do that. So for now we carry on as we are..I'll see the doctor next week and take it from there in regards to where I live and then if I still don't remember by the date we set, we go for it anyway?"

"Exactly," Castle beamed, pleased with himself at the idea he had created.

"Okay, so..how long are we giving it before we just forget about my memory and start something anyway?"

* * *

 **A/N: I'm leaving it there because I wanna hear your thoughts - how long do you think they should leave it before beginning a relationship anyway?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I got such a range of answers to how long they should leave it! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I think I went for the most popular choice for the wait!**

* * *

"So, how are you doing, Kate?"

Beckett was back in Doctor Taylors office the following week for her check up. Castle had had to urgently attend a meeting with Gina and the rest of his publication team; he'd tried to get out of it but Kate had insisted he go, she didn't want him missing important meetings because of her. However, Castle being Castle, Kate wasn't at her appointment alone - Rick had insisted she have company and Alexis had offered to come along. She had a half day at school for teacher training, so she had met Kate back at the loft at lunch before the two of them headed to the hospital for Beckett's 2pm appointment. Alexis was outside in the waiting area at the moment, leaving Beckett alone with her doctor.

"I'm okay, I guess," Kate replied. "Good days and bad days. The pain is getting better, it almost doesn't hurt at all when I take the medication which helps."

"That's great - don't stop taking it though!" The doctor laughed and Kate smiled. Like Castle would let her forget, he was like her own personal Florence Nightingale. "Well, I must say you do look well. A touch more colour in your cheeks now, you were looking a tad peaky when I saw you last week!"

"Well, I've been resting as much as I can and eating well," Kate shrugged. She'd spent near enough the past week bundled up on the couch, Castle moving into the living room with her with his laptop so he could write but still sit with her.

"Good..and the living arrangements? Are they still working out okay?" Doctor Taylor hadn't noticed that Mr Castle was missing from today's appointment.

"They're working out fine," Kate reassured him. "Castle had to go to a meeting today but he's been great." Better than great, He was going above and beyond and she really really appreciated it. She wasn't one for words of affection but she was going to need to find a way to pay it back to him. "Do I..do I need to keep staying there?" It wasn't that she wanted to leave, she just wanted to know if she had the option.

"I would advise it for a little longer," the doctor answered. "Maybe another week, preferably two if that's feasible?"

Kate nodded. She was sure Castle would be pleased to know she had to stay at least another week and probably a fortnight. "And what about stairs?" Again, it wasn't that she wanted to leave Castle's bed, but it was only supposed to be temporary until she could climb the stairs.

"I'd say you might be able to manage those now. Very slowly and carefully though, and stop if it gets too much. And only once or twice a day, is that possible with your current living situation?"

Kate nodded again. "Castle has a loft in Soho. His mother and daughter have bedrooms upstairs, as well as the spare bedroom, but his bedroom and office are downstairs so stairs are avoidable at the moment."

Dr Taylor smiled to himself at that. From what he had figured out on their last visit, Beckett and Castle weren't actually an item - despite it being glaringly obvious that they should be. So the fact that they were sharing a bedroom was very interesting indeed.

* * *

" _Okay, so..how long are we giving it before we just forget about my memory and start something anyway?"_

 _Castle mused over Beckett's question for a moment. How long did they leave it? Without having much clue of when, or even if, her memory would come back, he wasn't one hundred percent sure how long would be long enough. If he had it his way, they'd wait until tomorrow morning and that would be it, he'd have to stop himself proposing before dinnertime. But this was Kate Beckett, and despite her comment earlier about the real her probably loving him too, he highly doubted she'd be willing to move quite that quickly._

 _Beckett wasn't sure how long she wanted to leave it either. Although this her was crazy about him and she was beginning to think the real her must be too, she didn't want to rush anything. They had to figure out how they were going to do this if her memory didn't come back and this was the best way to start, for the two of them to hang out as not quite boyfriend and girlfriend and see how it worked out without the pressure of actually being together._

" _How about six weeks?" Castle suggested. Six weeks seemed reasonable enough. It would have been near enough two months since the shooting by the time another six weeks were up. It was also plenty of time to wait and see if Beckett's memory did come back, and also enough time for them to figure out what they were going to do if it didn't - and if it did._

" _Okay," Beckett nodded. "Six weeks seems like a good amount of time to wait." Six weeks would give them time to get to know each other properly outside of work - instead of the way Beckett thought she knew him. "We can hang out and just take things slow and see what happens?"_

" _Sounds perfect," Castle smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Maybe you'll even let me organise a make-shift date night, here at the loft?" He suggested, waggling his eyebrows and Kate laughed. "Are you um..are you gonna leave once the doctor gives you the all clear?" He didn't want her to leave but he didn't want to make her stay, or for her to stay when she didn't actually want to. They could still continue with their plan even if she went home._

" _I uh..I don't know yet," she admitted. "I guess I'll wait until I've seen the doctor next week and take it from there, if that's okay?" She didn't really want to leave but she was putting Castle and his family out as it was, she didn't want to overstay her welcome. However, the doctor had said she couldn't go home at least until she'd seen him again next week._

" _Beckett, you can stay here as long as you want, you know that." He'd never let her leave if it was up to him._

" _So...six weeks?"_

" _Six weeks," Castle confirmed. They'd give it six weeks for her memory to come back and then see what they were going to do. He just hoped it didn't mean her leaving him._

* * *

"Okay, well I'd like to see you again in another week or so, you can make an appointment at the front desk when you leave. And in the meantime..have you thought about seeing a counsellor at all?"

Beckett shook her head, she hadn't really had time to think about much other than getting herself physically better, never mind mentally. But then again, she wasn't exactly the most forthcoming person in the world - was there any point in going to see a shrink?

"I think it might be a good idea." Doctor Taylor pressed. "I just think it would help, you know? You've been through a lot and I know you have a fantastic support system around you, but I think it could be beneficial to your recovery to talk to a professional."

The doctor had a point, Beckett couldn't put everything on Castle - even if he was willing to do whatever it took to help her. However, a professional may be helpful for her - and for getting her memory back. If she could talk through everything with a specialist then maybe it could help her figure out what was going on and also make sense of her almost relationship with Castle. "Okay, I guess I can think about going."

"Great," Doctor Taylor smiled. "Here's some details on the one run by this hospital," he handed her a booklet of some names and numbers. "You can have a look through and see what they offer, I believe there are a couple who specialise in post trauma counselling. Give them a call if you want, or they have an office up on the sixth floor - you can pop by and make an appointment whenever, I'll send them an email saying I've referred you now."

Beckett nodded, thumbing through the booklet. Maybe she'd give them a call later.

"But other than that, was there anything else you wanted to discuss before we call it a day?"

"No, I don't think so," Beckett smiled. She stood up and shook Doctor Taylor's hand. "I'll see you next week, I guess."

"Make an appointment on your way out - and take it easy, I don't want to find out you've pushed yourself too much when I see you again!"

Beckett smiled as she left the room, heading out to meet Alexis. She made an appointment for 11am the following week and then suggested grabbing a coffee in the cafe before they headed back to the loft.

"So, how did your appointment go?" Alexis asked, taking a sip of her coffee. She'd promised herself a few years ago that she wouldn't drink the stuff as much as her dad - and Beckett - did, but that had ended a few months ago when exams had taken over and she'd needed a way to get a few extra hours of studying in.

"It was fine," Kate smiled, drinking her own drink. It wasn't quite as good as what Castle made her but it was enough for now. "I have to go back in a week for another check up."

"And..can you go home yet?" Alexis was enjoying having Kate around, and she could see how happy it made her father, but she knew Kate wouldn't want to stay forever.

"Not yet," Kate said. "Another week, possibly two."

"Dad will be pleased," Alexis laughed and Kate blushed. "What are the booklets for?"

"My doctor suggested I see a counsellor," Kate sighed. Although she had agreed to try it back in the office, she was still a little undecided. "He thinks it could help, given the stress and trauma and everything."

"That could be a good idea," Alexis replied. "I mean, I get that you're not exactly a 'talk about your feelings' kinda girl but it could help. They ran a few counselling sessions in school back when exams were on and I know it's not the same thing but sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger, you know? Someone objective who can see things from another point of view."

Kate thought over Alexis' comment - the girl had a point, really. The psychiatrist would be impartial, an outside view that could give her a different insight. She had been through a rough ordeal and this kind of trauma was probably something she ought to talk to a professional about.

"We could go up there before we leave, if you want?" Alexis suggested, nose still in the booklets. "It says here they're up on the sixth floor, we can go up and make you an appointment and then you don't have to worry about calling them."

Jeez, this kid was amazing. "Alexis, you don't have to do that with me…"

"Don't worry about it," Alexis shrugged. "Dad would go with you and today I'm him, so..you wanna go?"

"Come on then," Beckett said, quickly finishing off her coffee before she changed her mind. She couldn't hide a smug smile as they rode the elevator up to the sixth floor - Castle was going to be so proud of her for this.

* * *

"Do you want another blanket? Some tea? A-"

"Castle," Beckett interrupted loudly. "I'm fine. Stop fussing." She and Alexis had gotten ho- back to the loft a little while ago, Castle having recently gotten back from his meetings too. She had collapsed onto the couch when she'd got in, thanking Alexis for going with her as the kid rushed off upstairs to do some homework before dinner. Castle was now seeming to make it up to Kate for not going with her by fussing over her. She had two blankets and she and Alexis had not long had coffee, she was content just relaxing on the couch with Castle for a while.

"Okay, if you're sure," Castle frowned, settling back into his seat next to her.

"I promise. Now, how were your meetings?"

"Same old," Castle sighed. "Pretty boring really. Gina spent the first 10 minutes complaining that I wasn't going to get the book finished on time before I could tell her that I had another three chapters nearly finished and ready to send to her this evening." He had managed to get a good few chapters written over the past few days as he'd chilled out with Kate, her sitting curled up next to him with a book or watching some tv, so now Gina could stop harassing him for a week or two. "How did the hospital appointment go?"

"Fine," Beckett smiled. "Dr Taylor said he was happy with how I was progressing and he'll see me again next week."

"I'll make sure I'm free for that one," Castle promised. "Did the doctor mention anything about you..um going home?" He tried to not sound as interested as he was in the answer, not wanting her to know how desperately he wanted her to stay.

Beckett eyed Castle suspiciously. "I can't yet," she said to him. "At least another week, probably two. Um..if that's okay?" She added.

"Of course," he smiled. "You know you can stay as long as you want." _Preferably forever_ , he added silently. "You and Alexis were out later than I thought you would be, appointment run over?"

"Uh no, normal appointment." She took a deep breath. "Alexis and I grabbed a coffee before we left and the doctor had given me these booklets about...about seeing a counsellor, you know cause of the trauma and the memory and stuff and Alexis talked me into going up there right then to make an appointment." She blurted it all out before Castle could interrupt.

"Are you telling me," Castle asked incredulously, "that Katherine Beckett - who is known for not letting anyone in - is going to see a counsellor?"

"Don't make a big deal out of it," she muttered in response.

"A big deal? Beckett, this is a massive deal!" Castle beamed. "I'm so proud of you! Come here.." He shuffled around on the couch to give her a hug, pressing a kiss into her temple. "So proud of you," he repeated, hugging her tighter and she rolled her eyes.

"I take it you think it's a good idea then?" She asked.

"Yeah," Castle replied. "It'll be good to talk to someone who isn't me or Lanie or the boys, someone who can see it from the outside. And besides, talking might help you remember."

"You just want me to remember so you can get me into bed," Kate huffed, only half joking.

"Are you forgetting, Detective Beckett, that I have had you in my bed every night for a week now?" He was gloating and they both knew it.

She glared at him, not quite having enough energy to thump him.

"Speaking of my bed, did you talk to the doctor about stairs?" As much as he was loving having her in his bed every night, he didn't want to force her to stay there if she could climb the stairs now.

Beckett hesitated before answering. "He uh..he didn't say anything," she lied.

It was her eyes not meeting his that led him to think she was lying. "Oh really?" He pushed, a small grin on his face. "Didn't come up at all, huh?"

"Okay, fine," she admitted, her face contorting into a frown. "He said I can climb the stairs if I feel up to it. Only once or twice a day and slowly, and to stop if it's too much."

"So..why did you tell me it didn't come up?" He asked with a grin spreading across his whole face. She was so adorable.

"Because I like sleeping in your bed," she blurted out. "And I might not feel like climbing the stairs every night. Happy now?" She was sulking now, huffing out a breath at his grin.

"Ecstatic," he beamed. He knew Kate Beckett and he knew that even if the doctor had told her to take the stairs slowly and only if she felt up to it, if she really didn't want to stay in his bed with him then she'd get herself up those stairs whatever it took. "Don't worry," he said to her, still grinning. "You can stay in my bed forever, Beckett."

* * *

 **A/N: I wrote all of that in one sitting, go me! Thoughts appreciated :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: thank you to (nearly) all of you for the (mainly) lovely reviews! And to the guest who 'wishes someone else were writing this story' - I apologise that it's not someone else.**

* * *

 _"Don't worry," he said to her, still grinning. "You can stay in my bed forever, Beckett."_

* * *

"So, tell me about yourself?"

A few days after making the appointment, Kate found herself sitting in a room, two comfy armchairs placed in the centre with a round coffee table in the middle. The windows ran from the ceiling to the floor, this side of the building gracing them with views across the city. Kate took a sip of the coffee she had been made on her way in. This was her first appointment with the counsellor at the hospital, he was called Dr Burke and he seemed nice enough so far. Today was just a short session; Castle had driven her here and was off getting coffee while he waited - no doubt being 'harassed' by various nurses wanting him to sign something.

"Um..well what do you want to know?" Kate really wasn't good at revealing information about herself, especially when she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to be saying.

"Whatever you want to tell me," Dr Burke told her. He noticed her blank look so prompted her further. "Why don't we start with your job, your life..family and friends?" He was used to patients who weren't willing to spill their whole life secrets, particularly in their first session.

Her job, she could talk about that, that was simple. "Okay, well I'm an NYPD Detective with the 12th Precinct - I work homicide." She was proud of her job, she had worked hard to get to where she was now.

"Sounds dangerous? But also rewarding, I imagine?" Burke asked her. He wasn't really looking to get started properly today, this was just an introductory session so they could meet each other and hopefully make Beckett a little more comfortable for her next session.

Beckett shrugged. Sure, being a cop was dangerous, especially in New York City, but she was used to it now, quite often got a thrill from the danger. "I've been doing it a while now, I love my job."

Burke nodded slowly. "And what about outside of work? I assume your job can be quite stressful, what do you do to relax?"

"Not a lot," Beckett admitted. "I work quite a lot, long days. If I'm home at a decent time, I'll eat and maybe take a bath and read a book..but quite often I eat at the precinct with my team and then just crash when I get in." She left off how in her recent memories, it meant going home to Castle.

That didn't surprise Burke, she seemed like the type to be a workaholic, she had that seriousness about her. "You mentioned your team..tell me about them."

Beckett was beginning to relax a little more now, before she had come she had half expected to be lying on a couch with a Freudian touch to the session. But this wasn't so bad, it was nice to tell her story to someone new, someone who was there to help her. "Well there's me, and then I have two other detectives with me - Ryan and Esposito. And then for the past couple of years we've had a...civilian investigator joining us. He's an author, he got caught up in one of our cases a few years back and we still haven't gotten rid of him." Beckett let out a small laugh at that, because whatever memories she was going with, Castle had been tagging along with them for a while now.

"Hmm, that wouldn't be a Richard Castle, would it?" Burke asked with a smile and Kate nodded with a frown. "I've read his books," the doctor explained. "When you mentioned the civilian investigator I put two and two together..am I to take it that you're the inspiration behind Nikki Heat?"

"The one and only," Kate smiled. Despite her initial annoyance at Castle naming the new lead character in his book Nikki Heat - because seriously, that was not a respectable name for a cop - she was proud of him and of how well the books had done, not to mention the good press the NYPD had actually received for once.

"Well, I'm very much a fan. So, do you get on well with your team?"

"I do," Kate nodded quickly. "Ryan and Espo are great cops and we make a brilliant team, even with Castle around too. They're really good friends of mine."

"That's good," Burke replied, jotting down some notes on his pad of paper. "And what about family?"

Beckett took a deep breath, she had been waiting for this to come up. "Well..I'm an only child," she began slowly, unsure of how much to reveal. "And um, we lost my mom when I was 19. She was murdered..it's why I became a cop, actually. And so uh now, now it's just my dad and I."

"I'm sure you've heard it a million times before and it won't do much to help but I am sorry to hear about your mother, especially given how young you were. It's something we can touch on in later sessions, I won't dig too deep today - I don't want to scare you off already!"

Beckett smiled gratefully. She knew talking about her mother was going to be an inevitable part of these counselling sessions but she wasn't quite ready for that just yet.

"So, before we wrap up for today..what was it that actually brought you here today?" Burke had received the emailed referral from Dr Taylor, but he wanted to hear from Kate herself why she was here.

"I was shot," Beckett supplied bluntly. "It has to do with my mothers murder - it's still not solved - and my Captain was killed recently and I was shot by the people behind my mothers murder at his funeral."

"Sounds like you've definitely been through a lot," Dr Burke said. He had seen and heard a lot of stories in this job but Kate Beckett was something new entirely.

"You could say that," Beckett muttered.

"Well, I can definitely help with some of this," Burke assured her. "We'll have sessions as little or as often as you'd like and we can talk through your thoughts and feelings and I'll help you to get everything in order. In the email referral from your doctor, he mentioned you were having some issues with your memory?"

Beckett nodded. This story was starting to become funny now that she and Castle had gotten used to it. "Yeah, I mentioned Castle, earlier?" Burke nodded. "Well he works with us on my team, but he's more my partner. The two of us work together and then with Ryan and Espo too, but Castle's my partner." Was she sounding possessive? She was totally sounding possessive. "And when I woke up after my shooting, I was - still am - under the impression and Castle and I are married."

"When you say you and Castle are partners..?"

"Oh, no..just professionally, nothing more." Yet. "I mean, he's my best friend and I love him but before the shooting I've been told we were just friends. It's the past two years or so that are a little messed up."

"Okay," Burke nodded. "Well we'll definitely go into that in more detail next time. It's not an uncommon result of a trauma like yours, but I'm sure you're itching to get your memory back! So what I propose we do next time is talk about what you do remember and work on it from there, it would help if someone who knows the real past could come along with you so we can work out what's right and wrong?"

"I'm sure Castle will come along," Beckett said, she probably wouldn't even have to ask, as soon as she mentioned Burke's plan Castle was sure to say he'd come and help.

"Perfect," Burke smiled. "Well I think we'll leave it there for today then. Now, are you happy to come in again the same time next week?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Beckett replied, raising from her seat to leave. "I'll see you then, and I'll bring Castle with me." Kate shook Burke's hand before leaving to go and find Castle.

He was waiting for her just outside the office, playing on his phone. "Hey," she said to him, making him jump. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Beckett! Hey!" Castle jumped up, shoving his phone into his pocket. "How did it go?"

"Good," she said truthfully. "It was just an intro session today, just getting to know me. The proper sessions start next week."

"Perfect! You wanna get out of here?" Beckett nodded. "So, are you glad you made the appointment?"

"Yeah, I am actually," Beckett admitted, half shocking herself too. They made their way out of the hospital and down to Castle's car which was parked not far from the entrance. "The boys and Lanie are coming over for pizza tonight, aren't they?"

"If you're up for it?"

"Sure, I feel like I haven't seen them in ages. They're coming to us anyway, I can stay in my sweats that way."

Castle laughed - and he hadn't missed her comment about their friends 'coming to us' - he was hoping that meant she was leaning towards staying with him.

* * *

"Pizza's here!" Castle announced unnecessarily, making his way from the kitchen where he had been busy getting plates over to the door to pay the delivery guy and bring their dinner in.

"I'll help you sort it," Ryan said, jumping up and heading to the kitchen with Castle - and now the pizza. Kate, Esposito and Lanie laughed at Ryan following Castle around like a puppy - some things never changed.

"So, how's playing house with Castle going?" Espo asked with a smirk.

"We're not _playing house_ ," Kate shot back with an irritated look on her face. "I needed somewhere to stay when I couldn't be alone and Castle has plenty of space, so I took him up on his offer."

"Oh yeah?" Esposito grinned. "And tell us, how is married life treating you?"

"Shut up, Esposito," she muttered.

"Oh come on, girl, you know I'm only teasing," Kate shot him a half smile. "Besides, how can I not? We all know what you and Castle are really like - hearing that you think the two of you are married is just asking for-"

"Oh leave her alone, Javi," Lanie reprimanded, but she too had a grin on her face. "How are you doing, Kate?"

"I'm okay, honestly," Kate replied. "Better than expected. I can't go home yet but hopefully soon." She wasn't about to start delving into the plan she and Castle had devised, the last thing she needed was for Espo to hear about that too.

"Mmhm and Castle? Is he looking after you?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yes, Lanie. Castle is looking after me."

"Just checkin'" Lanie laughed. "You're more mobile than I expected, you're not pushing yourself too hard are you?"

"No," Kate replied with another eye roll, "I haven't even climbed the stairs yet."

"So..so where are you sleeping?" Espo asked suspiciously. He knew Castle's bedroom was downstairs but he thought the other bedrooms were upstairs. Which meant- "Are you and writer boy sharing a bed?!"

Kate didn't need to answer, her reddening cheeks revealed everything Espo was asking.

"Oh my god," Lanie squealed. "Are you two of you-"

"No," Kate interrupted loudly. "Yes we're sharing a room and no, we're not together. Now shut it before-"

"Castle hears?" Kate sighed - too late. She could even hear the smile in his voice as he spoke from behind her. "But yes, you hear correctly - I've finally got her into my bed!"

"Castle.." Beckett warned before he went too far.

"Spoilsport," he muttered in response as he and Ryan placed the pizza boxes and plates on the coffee table. "Beckett couldn't manage the stairs and I happen to have a bedroom down here, and of course I offered to sleep upstairs in the guest room but-"

"Are we gonna eat or are we gonna discuss the sleeping arrangements?" Kate was getting irritated now - and she was hungry. Their friends did not need to know the ins and outs of their living arrangements. And it didn't escape Kate's thoughts that despite being given the all clear from the doctor to try the stairs if she was feeling up to it a few days ago - she still hadn't even thought about moving out of Castle's room.

* * *

"Hey, Castle?" Beckett said quietly as she climbed into bed beside him. "Can we talk for a sec?"

Castle looked at her for a moment, a flash of worry crossing his face. "Look, Beckett, if this is about what I said when the boys and-"

"No, it's not about that - but don't think I'm forgetting about it." He nodded. "I just..I just wanted to tell you that I really don't want to mess this - us - up. I'm not saying it's going to be easy because this situation that we're in is so complicated and it's gonna take some work for us to figure it all out but I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna try, so hard, with Burke and everything, 'cause the last thing I want is for you to leave because you think I don't want this."

Castle was silent for a minute before answering. "You're extraordinary, you know?" Beckett gave him a questioning look. "The Beckett I know..look, you're not the easiest person to get on with and yet I'm crazy about you anyway...you never make things easy for yourself, it's like you're wired just to find the path with the most resistance. And yet, here you are - when the past two years of your life are screwed up beyond comprehension - telling me that you don't wanna mess us up?" God, he loved her.

"None of this is fair on you, Castle," Beckett pressed. "I can't expect you to wait forever and- what?"

"Wait for you forever?" he laughed. "You do realise that I'm still waiting, technically..right? And I'll wait for as long as it takes, until you're ready." The last thing he wanted was for her to jump into something she wasn't ready for; he'd waited over three years, he could hang on a little longer - he'd already got more than he ever thought he would.

"Well," she huffed, a little lost for words at his answer. "I just wanted you to know."

"Okay, well now I do. And I appreciate it, okay? But trust me, I'm going nowhere."

* * *

 **A/N: thoughts (preferably nice and constructive ones) appreciated :)**


	12. Chapter 12

_"Okay, well now I do. And I appreciate it, okay? But trust me, I'm going nowhere."_

* * *

Ten minutes. For ten minutes now she'd been sat in the corner of the couch with a book, casting surreptitious glances towards the staircase. Kate was alone at the loft; Alexis was at school, Martha was at her acting class and Castle had unavoidably needed to attend a last minute meeting with Gina and Paula. He had promised he wouldn't be long, had said he should be back by 11. Checking the time on her phone, Kate saw that it was now 10.30 - so he could be home at any minute. She'd only been sat there for around 40 minutes but after half an hour she'd started getting fidgety; after all, it had been a week or so now since the doctor had said she could attempt the stairs and yet she was still bundled up on the couch, having made no attempt to do anything too strenuous.

She knew this was probably a terrible idea - the first time she climbed the stairs after her shooting should not be when she was alone in Castle's loft, when he might not be back for another half an hour. But, if she was being honest with herself, she didn't particularly want her first time attempting to climb them to be in front of Castle. He was already close to wrapping her in cotton wool and not letting her do anything alone, she wasn't sure she could cope with the massive deal he'd make out of her climbing a few stairs.

However a few moments later - despite her hesitancy - she found herself at the foot of the stairs, her hand resting on the wall beside her for balance, staring up the staircase. "C'mon Kate," she muttered to herself. "It's the stairs, not Mount Everest. You can do this," She had to glance over at the front door to check Castle hadn't managed to return sneakily and was laughing at her talking herself into it. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she took a deep breath and placed her left foot on the bottom step, closely followed by her right. She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, alongside a grin, at being able to climb just one stair - alone. She was feeling braver now and slowly moved her left foot again, this time to the second stair. After three steps she was feeling the pressure and paused for a moment to take a rest, leaning herself against the banister as she caught her breath.

"Beckett..I'm home!" Castle called as he made his way back into the loft and Kate groaned. He was totally going to fr- "Oh my god!" He squealed in panic, rushing to dump the coffee he'd brought back onto the kitchen counter before rushing over to help her. "Beckett! What are you doing?"

"Oh I'm just baking a cake, Castle," she muttered sarcastically. This was exactly why she had wanted to do this without him being here. "I'm fine," she huffed at him as he gripped her tightly, scared she was going to fall. "It's just a few stairs."

"Which you haven't done since the shooting," he whined, helping her turn around so they could make their way back down.

"I can walk up the stairs, Castle."

"I'm sure you can, Kate, but do you think you could have at least waited until someone was here to help you? I almost had a heart attack when I saw you standing there." His heart was still pounding now.

They had reached the bottom of the stairs again and Kate turned to face him, a frustrated look on her face. "I'm not a little kid, Castle," she said loudly. "I'm an adult and if I want to climb the stairs then I will! I don't need you to hold my hand for everything!"

"I _know_ , Kate," he pleaded. "Trust me, I know you're not a kid and I know you're more than capable of looking after yourself but you were _shot_ , and the doctor said you need to take things slow!"

"The _doctor_ said I could try the stairs a week ago Castle, and I still haven't. How do you think I'm going to get better and be able to go back to work and move back to my own place if you won't even let me climb the damn stairs?!" She wasn't angry at him but she was _angry_ nonetheless and he was _here_ and she knew he wouldn't hold it against her if she let her anger out on him.

Castle didn't miss her comment about moving back to her own place and he had to admit he was a little hurt. They still hadn't actually decided on what she was going to do once she had the all clear from the doctor to move home but it seemed as if she'd made her decision without him. "Beckett," he said softly. "Look, of course I want you to get better, it's just-"

"This isn't _fair_ , Castle," she moaned, her voice still raised, the two of them still stood facing each other at the bottom of the stairs. "I didn't _ask_ for any of this and now look at me! I'm stuck inside, I can't go out, I can't _do_ anything and I've had enough!"

Castle didn't know what to say. She had a point, he couldn't begin to imagine how frustrated she must be getting being cooped up inside except for hospital appointments. So, given his lack of verbal response to her outburst, he gave a physical response instead.

He kissed her.

Castle was _kissing_ her. She had been ranting at him about being bored and he hadn't _said_ anything, he'd just slammed his lips to hers and _oh_ , he was good at this…

Beckett wasn't sure if it was ten seconds or ten minutes later that he pulled back, all she knew was that she didn't really want him to stop. Castle shifted guiltily and Beckett let out a nervous laugh.

"I..god, Beckett, I'm sorry," Castle began, running a hand through his hair. "It's just you were rambling on and you're really cute when you ramble," her cheeks flushed at that, "and you were stood there saying you had nothing to do and I just.."

"I mean..I know I'm saying I'm bored and I have nothing to do but I don't think I'm quite up to _that_ yet," she laughed, biting her bottom lip. Castle gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. Had she really just suggested.. "Oh come on, Castle," she grinned. "I know you must have at least thought about it.."

"I..you..we..Beckett?" He whined. "This is so not fair! You can't say things like that to me!" She was going to kill him, he was sure of it.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," she announced loftily, taking her coffee from the kitchen counter on her way. He had to take a deep breath and force himself not to follow her at the salacious look she threw him over her shoulder.

She was definitely going to kill him.

* * *

Despite all the excitement of the kiss that had happened before Kate had showered, the reason it had happened in the first place was down to Beckett being bored and frustrated at being stuck in the loft. So, although he couldn't really help with that until she was feeling better, he could at least make her brunch for when she was done in the bathroom.

"Wow, Castle..what is all of this?" Beckett asked in awe as she made her back into the kitchen half an hour later, rubbing a towel through her damp hair.

"Thought I'd make you brunch," Castle shrugged, plating up the food. "Come take a seat, it's pretty much all done."

"You didn't have to do all of this, Castle," Beckett protested as she took her seat. "Seriously, this is too much."

"It's just food, Beckett," he chuckled in response.

"Just food?" She scoffed. "Castle, you've made enough to feed the whole precinct!" There were pancakes and waffles, french toast and eggs. He'd also cooked up some bacon and sausages, and prepared a bowl of fruit too. "It's a good job I'm not one of those girls who pretends she's not hungry in front of guys," Beckett laughed as she piled her plate with as much food as she could; she was starving.

"You could never be like that, Beckett..I've seen how much you eat, there's no way you could hide that." He never had managed to work out how she stayed so slim with the amount of food she managed to put away.

"I uh..I guess I should apologise," she muttered a few moments later. "For earlier..when you got home and saw me on the stairs..I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise, Beckett. I can't imagine being holed up in here twenty-four-seven is much fun."

"No, I do need to apologise, Castle," she continued. "I know I shouldn't have attempted the stairs when I was here alone and then when you got back I took it out on you. None of this is your fault and you've been great to me..and even when I screw up you're still here making me brunch and I just wanted to apologise for being angry with you."

"You know, it's a good job I'm sitting down," Castle replied lightly. "'Cause you _never_ apologise so this is a major milestone in our relationship."

"Oh, so one kiss and we're in a relationship now, are we?" She teased, picking at the grapes from the fruit bowl.

Oh god he was an idiot, he was going to scare her away before they'd even started anything.. "I uh..um..it's just I didn't mean to say-"

"Relax, Castle," she laughed. "I mean, _I_ think we're married, we're living under the same room at the moment, we have a plan to be in a relationship eventually anyway and now you're going around kissing me to shut me up?"

"Yeah, you're right," he chuckled. "Want me to call the mayor now? See if he can marry us properly this afternoon?"

"Hey, don't think you're getting away with it that easily - I've already had one wedding to you - the actual one needs to top it."

Castle was graced a few minutes to compose himself after _that_ comment by the ringing of Beckett's cell phone. He tuned out her conversation as his own mind slipped to thoughts of marrying her..it would be perfect. Maybe in his Hamptons house or on the beach somewhere warm..her in a floaty white dress as her father walked her up the aisle. Their friends and family watching as they gave their vows to one another, promising to love and cherish and-

"Castle?" Beckett calling out to him brought him back to the present. "Is it okay if my dad comes over tonight?"

"Beckett, this is your home too," he reprimanded. "I've already told you, invite over whoever you want, you don't need to ask."

Beckett rolled her eyes and finished up her phone call. "Thanks," she said to him as she returned back to her seat. "I haven't seen him in a while and he had a last minute cancellation tonight so called to see if I wanted to do dinner."

"You can do what you want, Beckett," he reminded her. "You live here now and-"

"I just don't want to take advantage," she interrupted. "This is only temporary and-"

"Stop. You're not taking advantage. This is your home, and you know you never have to leave again if you don't want to."

"Well that might be a little far but thank you," she muttered. "Do you mind if we go to the grocery store? I'm not sure we have anything here I can cook for my father."

"Beckett," he began diplomatically. "You've already tried the stairs this morning, are you sure you can handle a trip- okay, well let's just finish up eating and we'll head out?" Jeez that look was scary. "You know, I don't mind going out with Alexis tonight? Mother isn't here anyway and we can go out and leave you and your father to catch up?"

"Oh no, you don't need to do that" Beckett said, finishing her coffee. "My father knows I'm here so knows you're here. He likes you, anyway, he'll want to see you and Alexis too." Kate hadn't forgotten her fathers comment about how he preferred Rick to Josh back in the hospital.

* * *

"Well, this evening has been wonderful, but I really must be getting off now," Jim announced, finishing his drink and standing up to put on his coat.

"I'll see you out, Dad," Kate said, standing up too.

"Thank you for coming, Jim," Castle added, shaking Jims hand. Alexis had already said her goodbyes before disappearing upstairs to do some homework after dinner. "Please, feel free to come over again whenever you want."

Jim thanked Rick again and made his way to the door, Kate following behind her father. "I'm glad you're doing okay, Katie," he said, pulling his daughter into a tight hug. "Rick's good for you."

"I know he his, Daddy," Beckett muttered back. He was so good for her.

"Of course you do, you married the man!" Jim joked and Kate hit him playfully on the arm. Her father had been the least surprised of anyone when she'd told him about the 'marriage'. "I can see how happy he makes you, Katie. All I want is for you to be happy and Rick..he makes you so happy."

Her father was right, Castle made her the happiest she'd ever been. "He does," she admitted. "We're happy now."

"Good. Now, take care of yourself, Katie-bug, and I'll see you soon, okay?" Beckett placed a kiss on her father's cheek before he left, shutting the door behind him.

Beckett headed to the kitchen to help Castle clear up, sighing and rolling her eyes each time he swatted her hand away as she tried to pick up dishes to put away. "Castle," she snapped, "just let me help put the dishes away. The quicker we do it the quicker you can get me into your bed."

"Oh you're a wicked woman, Katherine Beckett," Castle growled, but it was enough for him and he relented, letting her put the plates and glasses back in their correct home.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, you know," Beckett said absent-mindedly as they pottered around the kitchen together.

Castle didn't reply. Instead, for the second time that day, he pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

 **A/N: thank you for all the lovely reviews on the last chapter! Hope you enjoyed the cute Caskett moments in this one ;) I'm thinking the K+ rating might be a little low now, I'm not planning on hiking it right up to M but would anyone be opposed to me increasing it to T? Just for the slightly more mature content and maybe language too..but I can leave it at K+ if you'd all prefer? Let me know, along with the thoughts from this chapter :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Just a heads up to save confusion: I have changed my username, just to make it the same as my tumblr..and hey, I fancied a change :) and the rating has now changed to T, probably won't be any major changes yet but I wanted to be safe.**

* * *

 _Castle didn't reply. Instead, for the second time that day, he pressed his lips to hers._

* * *

Kate was awake. She didn't remember waking up or slowly coming out of sleep and into consciousness, but she was awake. It was 6am, the sunlight beginning to creep into the room through the window, the hum of traffic as New York awoke properly below them - not that it ever really slept. Kate's head was a little fuzzy and she was struggling to remember what she had been thinking about before she was awake..she was confused and she just couldn't work out why..but something just didn't seem to _fit_..

"Castle?" She muttered into the room, not wanting to startle him but desperately wanting to talk to him. He didn't stir. "Castle!" She said again, louder this time. She shook him gently, trying to wake him without scaring him, "wake up, I wanna talk to you."

"Beckett?" He grumbled. "What time is it?" He squinted at her, not wanting to open his eyes completely and commit to being awake, not if he didn't need to be.

"Six," she answered quickly, brushing his question off - that wasn't important right now. "Castle - it doesn't fit."

It was way too early for this, he had no idea what she was talking about. "I'm gonna need more than that, Beckett," he huffed, mildly irritated that he was awake this early and for no apparent reason. "What doesn't fit?"

"Anything!" She cried out, frustrated at his lack of understanding. "The timing of it is just all wrong!" She huffed, her head beginning to hurt as she tried to make sense of it all. "I was with Josh..like, recently. But..but I'm married to you? I went to the Hamptons with you a few years ago and you and I got married after but..I thought I was with Josh _after_ the Hamptons and..none of it fits!" None of this made sense and she was almost hysterical with confusion.

Castle stared at her. It was early and he had been woken up suddenly and she was almost in tears at something not fitting. It took a minute or two for everything to click into place for him. "Beckett.." he said slowly, rubbing his eyes to bring her into better focus. "Beckett are you..do you remember?"

"Remember what, Castle?" She snapped, not understanding what he was going on about now.

"Tell me when you met Josh?" He suggested calmly, not wanting to spook her or scare her into forgetting again.

"Josh? We met..um..after you and I went to the Hamptons. You were with Gina and _oh my god_!" A look of comprehension flashed across her face. "Castle!" She shrieked excitedly. "Castle, does this mean I'm starting to remember?!"

He didn't want her getting her hopes up as it still seemed a little skew-whiff in her mind but this was more than they had had before, he had to stop himself from getting excited too. "I..I don't know," he answered diplomatically, not wanting her to sense his excitement. "So you said you and Josh met after the Hamptons? But it was you and _I_ that went to the Hamptons?"

She thought about it for a moment; it actually made no sense whatsoever but it sounded about right. "Yeah," she agreed, feeling a little deflated. "I guess that's right..Castle what does this mean?" Her excitement was fading when she realised she was more confused than before. "I mean, yeah, you and I went to the Hamptons together and that's when we _got_ together and we've been together ever since but..I met Josh after that? And he and I..we were together..until recently, not a few years back?"

"So you were cheating on me with Dr Motorcycle Boy, huh?" He joked, wanting to cheer her up after her falling mood as she realised she was still no closer to remembering.

"Don't take the mick, Castle," she sighed and he apologised. "Does any of this make sense to you?"

Castle considered her question..in all honesty, it did make some sort of sense to him. "Yeah..I think it sort of does," he mused and her excitement made a small return, he could see it in her eyes. "I think you're still remembering the past as you did before, since the shooting but..from what you've said, I think you are starting to remember. I'm pretty sure you and Josh did meet in the summer I was in the Hamptons and then yep, you broke up in the hospital. So it seems as if you're remembering that but alongside what you had before, if that makes sense?" This was the closest they'd come to her remembering anything and it was a good sign. "How about you give Burke a ring, see if he can help make more sense of it?"

Beckett nodded. "Yeah..that might be a good idea." She chewed on her bottom lip. "Do you really think I'm starting to remember?"

Castle smiled at her. "Yeah, Kate..I think you are. But don't think too much on it, okay?" He didn't want her obsessing over this, upsetting herself when she didn't remember anymore than that. "You need to remember that you still got shot, you can't stress over this - you need to get better so we can get you back to the precinct and kicking those boys into shape!"

Beckett laughed at that. "I know, Castle," she said. "It's just..hard not to get a little excited about it all, you know?"

"Yeah, I know just..don't get upset if you don't remember anymore, okay?"

"Promise," she smiled. "Now, you wanna go make me coffee? It's been a tough morning, you know.."

He was whipped - climbing out of bed at 6.30am when he had nowhere to be that early to make his not-even-girlfriend-yet a coffee. So damn whipped.

Humming to herself quietly as Castle padded around making her coffee in the kitchen, Kate decided she was going to write down as much as she could 'remember' from the past few years. If this morning was anything to go by, she was going to start forgetting her fake memories soon and as much as she was wishing for her real ones to come back, she didn't want to forget all of this forever, she wanted something to look back on.

"It's your appointment with Doctor Taylor today, right?" Castle asked as he handed her coffee, climbing back into bed next to her with his own drink.

"Mmm," Beckett confirmed. "It's Monday so that means it's Taylor today."

"Wait," Castle grinned, "if today is Monday, that means it's been two weeks since we made our agreement."

"So it has," Beckett backed up with a nod.

"Which means," Castle continued. "That we only have four more weeks until we-"

"Nope!" She interrupted with a giggle. "We're not talking about it, remember? Not for another four weeks. That was the deal, there's no point in us sticking to the six week thing if we're just gonna talk about it every time it's a week less away."

"Spoilsport," he pouted, taking a sip of his coffee, and Kate laughed at his childlike reaction. "See if I make you coffee tomorrow morning now."

"Empty threats, Castle," she tossed back confidently. "You brought me coffee every morning at every crime scene since about two weeks after we met, why would you stop now?"

"You know that was so I could see a smile on your face every morning, right?" He admitted and she gazed at him inquisitively. "It's true," he shrugged. "You were so.. _against_ me in the beginning, I had to win you over somehow."

"You're sweet," she smiled, shyly. He'd never told her that, even in her world with the two of them being married, it was a cute revelation and just made her like him a little bit more.

"Nah uh," he retorted, poking his tongue out at her. "You don't get to say stuff like that if I can't talk about the fact that it's now four weeks. So drink your coffee quietly, I'm going for a shower."

Beckett rolled her eyes as he bounced off to the bathroom. God, he was such a child sometimes.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Alexis called from the living room as her father and Kate entered into the loft. "How was your appointment?"

"Good, thanks," Kate smiled, taking a seat next to her on the couch. "Apparently I'm doing well, my doctor was very happy with my progress."

"Like you've ever been below average at anything, Beckett," Castle joked from the kitchen, boiling some water to make tea. "You want tea, Pumpkin?"

"Please," Alexis replied. "That raspberry one if we still have any left?"

Castle busied himself making tea whilst his daughter and Beckett caught up. He smiled at the easy way they interacted with each other, it meant so much to him that the two of them got along.

"So, you decided what you're gonna do yet, Beckett?"

"About what?" Alexis questioned taking her tea from the tray her father had set down on the coffee table.

Kate glared at Castle, he wasn't playing fair by using his daughter to gang up on her. "The uh..the doctor said I can go home now..if I want." She and Castle had barely mentioned it since coming out of the hospital, he had asked her when they'd left and she had snapped that she didn't know and he'd left it. But now it seemed he was going to use Alexis to guilt trip her into answering.

"Oh," was all Alexis could say. "So soon?"

Beckett shrugged. "I'm eating, I'm sleeping. I can shower and dress myself..stairs are still a bit too far but I don't have stairs in my apartment..I'm starting to remember what really happened and-"

"What?!" Alexis interrupted excitedly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kate let Castle explain what had happened that morning. She was feeling a little better about it now, she had called Burke before her appointment with Taylor and spoken to him about it. He'd assured her it was normal and it was definitely a sign that she was beginning to remember. He'd given her the same warning as Castle had though, to not let it take over and to just go with it, she didn't need to obsess over it and stop her progress so far. So she had tried her best to not think about it all day, she had mentioned it to her doctor at her appointment but she was trying to ignore the excitement it gave her, that perhaps things were on their way to getting back to some sense of normalcy.

"That's amazing," Alexis smiled as her father finished telling the story. "So um..are you gonna go home then?"

Kate sighed. She loved being here and didn't particularly want to leave, but this wasn't her home, not really. She had already asked more of Castle and his family than she should have and she didn't want to put them out anymore. But the thought of going back to her apartment alone, after spending all her time at the loft, feeling like part of the family, wasn't a particularly welcoming one.

"I don't know, Alexis," she admitted eventually. "This..this is your home, yours and your fathers and Martha's. I don't want to impose when I don't really need to anymore."

"I've told you," Castle huffed. "You can stay here as long as you want. If you wanna go home then that's fine-" it wasn't "-but if you want to stay then you know you're more than welcome."

"Please stay, Kate?" Alexis pleaded. "I love having you around and I know Gram does too. And I don't think we even need to ask Dad what he thinks!" Castle shook his head. "So please Kate, stay here?"

Kate glanced from Castle to his daughter, both of them looking at her hopefully. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay fine, you guys win - I'll stay here for a bit longer!"

Castle beamed at her, he was so happy she wasn't running away from them and everything they were working towards. The moment the doctor had said she could go home his heart had dropped, he had been so scared she was going to give it all up now that she didn't need to stay here and.. was it too early to buy an engagement ring?

"Perfect!" Alexis grinned. "Now, do you two have plans for dinner? I was thinking given that we're kind of celebrating - how about we go out to eat? If you're feeling up to it, Kate?"

"Sure, kid," Kate smiled, "I'll rest on the couch for a bit and then I'm sure I can manage going out for food."

* * *

"You didn't just agree to stay to make Alexis happy, did you?" Castle asked as they sat in bed that night. They had been out for a lovely meal at a quiet Italian restaurant, Martha joining them for dinner too. Alexis had rushed upstairs as soon as they got home to call her friends and Castle and Beckett had decided on an early night. "'Cause I mean thank you, if you did do it just to make her happy but she's old enough to understand if you wanna go home."

Kate smiled at him; he was a brilliant father, it was one of the things she admired about him. "No, Castle," she answered softly. "I didn't agree just to make Alexis happy. Of course I want her to be happy but I wouldn't lie to her."

"Okay," Castle nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. "So..so do you really want to stay?"

"Yes, Castle, I really want to stay," she laughed. "If you still want me to stay that is?"

"Of course I do, Kate," he promised, pulling her into a hug. "But I want you to stay because you want to, not for any other reason."

"I'm staying because I like being here," she explained. "I like waking up next to you, even if we haven't defined what's going on yet. I like how your place is louder than mine, but still quiet. Sometimes your mother or Alexis are here and it's great spending time with them and then it's amazing spending time just you and I."

"That's good enough for me." He wanted to tell her she should stay forever, that they should go over to her apartment first thing in the morning and pack up all her stuff and move it over and rent her place out, but he decided that was perhaps a little too far when it had taken both him and his daughter to convince her to stay for a little while longer.

"Good. Now um..can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Can I have the files the boys gave you? The ones on my shooting and..Montgomery?"

* * *

 **A/N: I don't know where all of these updates are coming from! Just want to say a massive thank you to those of you who have reviewed, I'm getting so many lovely comments on this story and it makes me so happy! So thank you, so much!**


	14. Chapter 14

_"Can I have the files the boys gave you? The ones on my shooting and..Montgomery?"_

* * *

"The..the files?" Castle choked out, staring at her blankly. "Beckett, I don't think that's a good idea.." In fact, he thought it was a terrible idea but he needed to break that to her carefully - straight up saying no was sure to cause fireworks.

Beckett frowned at him; she hadn't been expecting resistance. "Castle," she snapped. "They're the files from _my_ shooting. I wasn't asking for your permission to read them, just for you to get them for me."

This had been the moment he had been dreading. He knew her, he knew her passion and her drive and how she wouldn't let this go until she either had the guy or had pushed herself too far. And the latter wasn't an option, not anymore. "Beckett," he began. "The boys have looked at the files a million times and they couldn't find a useful lead, there's nothing there for you to be able to pick up on either."

"They didn't know what they were looking for," she retorted exasperatedly. "They don't know this case like I do..like you do." She backed her last remark up with a flutter of her eyelashes which was _so not_ her but Castle was more used to that sort of behaviour.

Oh she was good. "Flatter me all you want, I still don't think it's a good idea." That was his decision and he was sticking to it. "I don't think I need to remind you that your mother was murdered, along with her colleagues because someone didn't like what they were digging into. Montgomery got involved-"

"That was a mistake," she practically growled at him. "He was a rookie, he didn't know any better."

"I _know,_ Kate," he shot back. "But still, Montgomery got involved and tried to stop them getting to you and so they killed him, too." Was she getting the pattern yet? "And then there was you. They've already tried to kill you, and they nearly did." He was hoping his bluntness was going to be enough to make her see sense. "I watched you pass out in my arms, Kate. I saw the light disappear from your eyes after you got shot. We both know what they're capable of, and you must know that if you keep digging then they're not going to give up until you let it go?"

Apparently he had gone too far. "Don't you dare tell me to let it go, Castle!" She shouted at him, her anger bubbling up to the surface. "I am an adult. Do I need to remind you that I'm not actually your wife?" He definitely didn't need reminding of that. "We might kiss and never talk about it but we're not married. I am a fully grown woman, one with a gun - you don't get to tell me what I can and can't do. I became a cop so that I could find the sons of bitches behind my mothers murder. And yeah, I might have killed the guy that actually stabbed her but he wasn't working alone. I want the guys that are behind it, and I'm not going to let you stop me."

Castle winced at her words; he had never before heard her speak so crassly about her mothers murder and he definitely didn't like it. "They are not going to stop, Beckett! Not until you're dead. Is that what you want?" He was getting angry now too, pleading with Kate Beckett to drop the one thing she had worked for since she was 19 years old was not easy, but he had hoped she would be a little more open to dropping it than this. Montgomery had called him to that hangar the night he died because he knew Castle was the only person who could stop Beckett. So if she wasn't going to listen to him now, how was he supposed to get her to leave it? "You might not realise it, Beckett but you have people that care for you. No, we're not married - not that I needed you to tell me that but that doesn't mean I don't care about you!" She was the most frustrating person he had ever met in his entire life. "And I'm pretty damn sure not one of them wants to see you go back down that rabbit hole, back into that darkness. I know you're used to doing everything alone and pushing people away when they get too close but you're going to have to learn to live with it." Hell would freeze over before he let those bastards take her away from him, he wasn't giving into this one without a fight.

Beckett huffed at his rant. This wasn't about people caring about her and whether or not she was used to it, it was about getting justice for her mother. Castle couldn't see this from her point of view and as angry as she was, she prayed he never had to, but she needed him to see where she was coming from on this. Sure, Ryan and Espo had looked over the files and not found anything but they weren't _her._ They were great detectives but she was better. It wasn't arrogance or big headedness that made her think that, it was having been on the other side of the table. Every single time she sat a family down to tell them their loved one had been murdered, it took her back to the night she and her father had been told about her mother being found in that alley. And that made her better than the rest, she had been there and that gave her the drive and the passion to strive for justice and to arrest those responsible. So she needed to look at those files, she needed to see for herself that there really were no leads, nothing for them to go on.

But for now, she had had enough of fighting with Castle over it. "I'm gonna go and get a drink," she muttered, climbing out of bed without even looking in his direction. For the first time since she had left the hospital and temporarily moved in with Castle, she wished she could go home. She needed space right now, some time away from him and she couldn't get that in his house. She busied herself in the kitchen for a few minutes making hot chocolate. She half expected him to come out and join her but by the time the milk was heated, she was still alone.

She settled on the couch with her drink, pulling a heavy blanket over herself to keep warm. This was their first proper fight. Even in her married world they rarely fought, and they'd never had one this bad - and they weren't even married, not together..just slightly more than friends. God, this was going to take some fixing. By the time she was halfway through her hot chocolate she was still alone and that was how she knew Castle was upset with her - he pushed and prodded and never gave up, so the fact that he hadn't joined her to try and talk this through was a sure fire sign that he was pissed with her.

Beckett contemplated spending the night on the couch; it was comfy and warm, after all..but Alexis was upstairs and if she came down to find Beckett on the couch, she was going to need to explain that she and Castle were fighting - and there were some things a 17 year old didn't need to be bothered with. So finishing up her drink with a sigh, Beckett rinsed the mug and left it on the draining board and made her way back through Castle's office and into his bedroom.

He was already asleep when she climbed back into bed beside him.

* * *

She was calmer when she woke the following morning in an empty bed. She could hear noise coming from the kitchen and smell freshly brewed coffee so she figured Castle was already up and making breakfast. She had gone to bed angry last night, but sleeping on it had calmed her down and she was beginning to see where Castle was coming from. She was just about to figure out how she was going to make it up to him when she was sure he was going to be mad with her still, when he entered the room holding two coffees.

"Here," he muttered, handing her the latte he had made her. He sat on the edge of the bed as she sat up, settling herself against the headboard.

"Thanks," she said, not meeting his eyes. God, this was awkward. "I uh..thought you weren't bringing me coffee anymore?" Humour. That was something she had picked up from Castle, using humour to reduce the tension in an awkward situation. She regretted it at first when his eyes widened in shock but then he half smiled at her.

"I guess I'm trying to say sorry," he admitted, eyes fixed into his mug.

"Castle, you don't need to-"

"Yeah, I do," he cut in. "I was an ass. It's your mothers murder and it's your shooting, I shouldn't be trying to stop you from looking at those files. I know you're more than capable of looking after yourself but I still worry about you."

"I know," she said softly. In reality, she thought it was sweet that he worried about her, as well as knowing how strong and independent she was. She carried a gun and this sweet, caring man still worried about her. "I didn't want to do any of this to hurt you, you know?"

"I know, Beckett," he replied.

"I just..I'm halfway there and I can't just give it all up now. I know it's scary and yeah, I'm worried about what's going to happen too but I can't just quit." She had been shot once and she wasn't naive enough to think they were just going to give up after one failed attempt, but she would be more careful now that she knew exactly what she was dealing with. "And Castle?" He looked at her, eyes filled with concern and worry and _love._ "I'm not going to go back down that rabbit hole again, okay?"

"You can't know that, Beckett."

For now they were just words, she knew she was going to have to prove to him that she could handle this without going in too deep but she was going to tell him anyway. "Last time..last time I was doing it alone. My dad was either drunk or looking for a drink and I didn't really have any friends. But now..now I know I can do it without getting lost in it because this time I have something worth coming back out for. I have you. And there is no way in hell I'm losing you - or Alexis - over this, okay? So that's how I know, this time it's different because the second it gets too much, I promise you I will stop."

Castle didn't say anything, he just nodded.

That would do for now. "And um..I think I need to apologise too," Beckett winced. "For what I said last night. I didn't mean to throw it in your face that we aren't actually married, and I'm sorry that I did." It had been a low blow and she was feeling extremely guilty about it now that the dust on their argument had settled. "I'm so lucky to have you, and I know that. So I really am truly sorry for throwing it all in your face when I was angry, okay?"

Castle sighed. Of all the things they had fought about last night, it had been that that had hurt him the most. But he had to remember that he knew her and he knew she was grateful for what he was doing and she had just been angry. It damn near killed him everyday living with her whilst not even being able to do anything to move towards a relationship with her and then for her to throw that comment about not really being married out had hit him right where it hurt the most. "Okay," he said finally - he could see by the fall of Beckett's face that she didn't really believe him.

She was contemplating pushing it further and making him see that she was so sorry for saying it but decided now wasn't really time. They'd just made up and she couldn't deal with another fight yet, that was something she was going to have to work on.

Castle moved back up the bed, settling himself into a similar position to Beckett instead of all the way at the end. "I'll get the files for you."

Beckett squeezed his hand. "Thank you," she whispered. "I just want to look at them, okay? I just need to see for myself that there really are no leads. I'm not about to go out all guns blazing." Castle squeezed her hand in return and she figured they were okay. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I know you well enough to figure out the combination to your safe, I could have got the files anyway." It just seemed polite to ask.

Castle wasn't about to admit that she was probably right. "So," he said. "Did we just have our first fight?"

The familiar mischievous glint in his eyes was back and Beckett couldn't help how amazing that made her feel. "Yeah, Castle," she laughed. "I guess we did."

"Does that mean we get to have make-up sex now?"

"Don't push it."

* * *

 **A/N: response for the last chapter was a little quiet, hope you're all still with me! I know this fic was originally about Beckett's memory but it seems to have taken its own turn now! But more chapters focusing on her memory will be coming soon, promise! Thoughts appreciated on this chapter :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: thank you for all the lovely reviews on the last chapter!**

* * *

 _"Does that mean we get to have make-up sex now?"_

 _"Don't push it."_

* * *

A week after _that_ argument and Beckett was back in Burke's office for her next appointment. Castle hadn't been able to make it to this one, Gina had been harassing him for three days straight about the most recent chapter he had submitted to her and so Beckett had insisted he meet with her to go through it while she went to her appointment.

"So, you're starting to remember more, are you?" Burke asked with interest. Even after only seeing Kate Beckett for a few weeks, he could see how far she had come in such a short space of time.

"Yep," Beckett confirmed with a smile. Finally. Following on from her strange awakening a week or two back about everything just not fitting, her memories had slowly been seeping back. She still had all of her 'married to Castle' memories, but more and more pieces of reality had been worming their way in. Just yesterday she had woken up and remembered Castle going to the Hamptons with Gina and not with her.

"And how do you feel about that?"

Beckett thought at first that it was an odd question - at every appointment she had talked with him about getting her memories back, so for him to ask now how she was feeling about finally starting to remember seemed a little backwards. But then she realised that the doctor was asking a sensible question - to wake up after a trauma with the past two and a bit years of your life screwed up and then for things to slowly start righting themselves was a lot to handle.

"Kate?" He prompted when she didn't reply.

"Sorry," she muttered, coming back to the present instead of being lost in her own thoughts. "It's good," she told him defiantly. "Ever since I found out the truth I've wanted my memories to come back, so of course I'm happy that things are getting back to normal."

Burke nodded, making a few notes on his pad of paper. "And how are you handling it?" From what he had observed so far, Kate Beckett was a strong woman - she had been through a lot and was still fighting - but everyone had a breaking point.

"Uh..well it's a little confusing at times, I guess," she admitted with a shrug. "I mean, at the moment I'm stuck in the middle of it all, I still have all the wrong memories as well as half of the real ones and sometimes I suppose it can get a bit muddled."

"That's perfectly normal," Burke reassured her. "I'm glad you're opening up to me and admitting the things that are getting to you."

"I've written down everything I..remembered after the shooting," she revealed to him. "I have this notebook at ho- at Castle's loft, and it's just pages and pages of the past two years and how I thought things were."

"That's a nice idea, Kate," Burke smiled. "Once all of those memories are gone and you're back to normal again, perhaps it will be nice to look back and see all of this as a good part of your life, and not a complete disaster."

Beckett laughed at that. Castle had thought it was a good idea too, she had shown him the notebook a couple of days back and he had flicked through it in silence before telling her he loved the idea of her making a note of it all. He had also added that he thought it would help him once things were back to normal, he had decided it would give him more of a chance at a relationship with her - he was still half convinced that she hated him.

"Can I ask a question?" Burke nodded. "Once my memories are back to normal..will I remember this part? Since waking up and until now?" She had been slightly worried that one day soon she was just going to wake up and not even know what the hell she was doing in Castle's bed, she'd like to be prepared if that was going to happen.

"I can't say for sure," Burke told her. "However I think there is a high possibility that you will remember this time, from what you've remembered so far, there's no indication that you'll suddenly forget this period."

That was a relief to Kate; working things out with Castle was looking to be complicated enough, she was pleased to know that she should at least remember the past few weeks.

"So, how are you and Mr Castle getting along?"

* * *

Castle was still out when Beckett got back to the loft, the place was empty with Alexis and Martha having gone to a spa for the weekend. It was Friday and she and Castle were facing the prospect of spending an entire weekend just the two of them - which they hadn't done yet. Beckett had to admit, she was feeling a little nervous at the prospect - whenever things had got quiet or awkward between them, either his mother or daughter had been around to give them something else to focus on. Add to that the fact that things between her and Castle hadn't been completely right since their argument, she did have a few reservations about spending a weekend alone with him.

He had stuck to his word after the argument though and given her the files. He had simply handed them to her the following afternoon before heading into his office to write, leaving her to look through them in peace. And so she had sat there in the kitchen, the fresh coffee he had made her sitting in front of her, the files still closed on the counter. For half an hour she had stared at them, talking herself into opening them and then changing her mind and wanting to burn them there and then. Until after what felt like a lifetime of looking at them, she had gathered them up and pushed her way into Castle's office without even knocking, entering the code to the safe - which, it turned out, she had known the whole time - and placed the files in there, before turning and walking out of the room without even a glance in Castle's direction.

After the blow up between them had calmed down, Beckett could see more where Castle was coming from. He hadn't been treating her like a child by trying to keep the files from her, he had been trying to prevent her from getting worked up over nothing. He was right, Esposito and Ryan were brilliant detectives and she knew they wouldn't have given up if they thought there was a chance of finding anything useful. So that was why she hadn't looked at the files, she wasn't sure there was anything in there that she desperately needed to see and over the past few years she had come to trust Rick Castle more than anyone else in her life - if he said she didn't need to look into it then maybe she didn't.

"Hey you," Castle called as he made his way through the front door, spotting Kate on the couch. "How was your appointment?"

"Good," she smiled as he sat down beside her. "You get everything sorted with Gina?"

"Yeah," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. It had been a stressful meeting and he was glad to be home. Gina had waffled on at him for two hours about how he needed to keep on top of his writing and that just because he had produced twenty best-sellers already, didn't mean he could take it easy now. "As long as I get her another chapter in the next two weeks, she should leave me alone for a bit."

Beckett couldn't help but feel a little guilty at that. Despite the fact that had she been at work, he would be shadowing her and not at home all day to write, she did feel responsible for the fact that he was getting behind on his writing. She knew he wrote in the evenings after their cases, fresh minded and his head full of ideas..but she had been here nearly every minute of every day for a few weeks now, she knew he wasn't spending much time writing.

"Castle..I think it's time I went home."

Castle simply looked at her for a moment, eyes boring into her own as if trying to read her mind. He had been expecting this for a few days now, ever since that argument they'd had last week things hadn't been right between them and he knew her, he knew she ran when things got tough so this wasn't a complete surprise. He had just hoped things would be different this time. "Okay," he nodded, after a good few minutes. "If that's what you want then okay." He tried not to let it show in his voice how much this was hurting him.

"I'll um..go and start packing, then." Beckett glanced at him once more before rising from the couch and heading towards the bedroom. She hadn't exactly been expecting him to drop to his knees and beg her to stay but still, agreeing with her straight away without even a word or protest after saying he wanted her to stay multiple times over the past few weeks?

Beckett didn't begin to pack when she reached the bedroom, she simply sat on the edge of the bed, fighting off tears. She had suggested leaving because he didn't have the time to write when he should be, she was keeping him from Alexis and Martha which just wasn't fair and things just weren't right between them and it was making it harder living together.

But she didn't want to leave, she just wanted things to get back to normal. She wanted her Castle back, the one who pissed her off but made her laugh. The one who drove her crazy but knew everything about her. The one who irritated her beyond belief but brought her a coffee just to see her smile. She knew she had screwed up by throwing it in his face about not being married but she hadn't expected it to cause this many issues between them.

"You're making progress with the packing, I see," Castle was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, smirking at her lack of gathering up her stuff.

She contemplated making up an excuse, saying her chest was hurting or that she just wanted a sit down but she needed to face up to her feelings and now seemed as good a time as any to start.

"I don't want to leave."

There, she'd said it, thrown it out there that this wasn't what she wanted.

"Beckett..it was your idea?" Was this woman ever going to stop confusing him?

"I know," she laughed. "I think..I think maybe it's 'cause it's the right thing to do. I mean you're not writing as much as you should be and Alexis must be sick of the sight of me and.."

"Is this because of Gina being on my case?" She nodded. "Come on, Beckett, how long have you known me? Known that Gina will harass me every other day, no matter how many chapters I give her?"

Okay, he had a point. "But-"

"Alexis loves having you here."

"God, this is so stupid," she laughed. "I'm an adult, I've lived on my own for years..I'm _used_ to it." And now? "Yet..Castle, I've never wanted this with anyone else before. I've always had one foot out the door, ready to run on a moments notice. I know I'm still stuck between thinking we're married and what's real but this is _me_ talking, the one who knows we aren't married but this is me, saying I don't want to leave, Castle. I don't want to run away from this."

"I don't want you to go either."

But.."Castle? You near enough agreed with me out there when I said I wanted to go?"

"Yeah, 'cause the agreement was for this to be temporary. I knew this was going to happen at some point, I just wish it wasn't when things aren't great between us."

"Because it feels like I'm running away?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And if you wanna go then fine, I can't keep you here against your will - you could arrest me for that, and as much as I have fantasised about you using-"

"Castle, I swear to god if you finish that sentence I'm going to shoot you."

"Right, sorry." He so did _not_ sound sorry. "But what I'm saying is that I want you to stay. I want you here, with me..waking up beside me every morning and going to sleep next to me every night."

"I want that too, Castle," she whispered, smiling at him shyly. "I know my memories aren't quite sorted yet but I'm halfway there, and the half of me that's thinking straight wants to be here. With you."

Castle grinned at her..it was looking like they weren't going to need those whole six weeks before talking about their relationship. "Let's go to the Hamptons," he blurted out.

"What?"

"Yeah," he continued excitedly. "It's summer, it's the weekend and my mother and Alexis are away until Monday. Why don't we pack some stuff and head down to the beach for a few days? It'll do you good to get out of the city for a bit, get some fresh sea air."

She had to admit, a weekend in the Hamptons in the middle of a New York summer did sound amazing. "Oh what the hell, okay..let's go!"

* * *

 **A/N: yeah so I wrote this and now I hate it. But it took me hours so I'm posting it anyway. Just a heads up, this story is heading towards the end now. There will probably be a few more chapters but this was only ever meant to be a one-shot so I want to end it before it gets dragged out and boring. However, I am planning some new stories out for once this one is done! Thoughts on this chapter welcome, I hope you guys don't hate it as much as I do!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: response for the last chapter was amazing - thank you so much!**

* * *

 _She had to admit, a weekend in the Hamptons in the middle of a New York summer did sound amazing. "Oh what the hell, okay..let's go!"_

* * *

They'd packed up some things for the weekend quickly - Castle had tossed a few t-shirts and some shorts into a duffle bag, as well as some swimming shorts. Beckett didn't have a huge selection suitable for their trip at the loft, so they'd dropped by her apartment on their way to grab some things for her. She hid a smile as she left her bedroom, wondering what Castle was going to make of the swimsuit she'd packed, just on the off chance she felt like slipping into it whilst they were away.

Once they were both set up and ready to go, bags in the car and the promise of a relaxing weekend, Castle drove off. It was mid afternoon, not quite rush hour yet but in New York that didn't matter; the traffic was heavy anyway. But it wasn't long before they were speeding down the highway, the hustle and bustle of the city quickly slipping away. They stopped for coffee on the way, Castle surprised at Beckett breaking tradition and getting an iced drink instead. Even Beckett had to admit that sometimes it was a little too hot for proper coffee.

They pulled up to his Hamptons house a little before 5. Beckett had gone quiet for the last 10 minutes of the drive, Castle shooting her glances every thirty seconds but not saying anything - he was used to this woman and her ever changing moods. It wasn't until he was out of the car and halfway to the front door with their bags that he realised she was still sat in the car. He turned back, a frown on his face, dropping their belongings in the front porch before heading back down to her to see what was up.

"Beckett?" She had opened the passenger door and was making her way out of the car but she was still quiet. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah," she muttered, pushing the car door shut and glancing up at the house.

"C'mon Kate, talk to me," he pressed, not wanting her to push him away when something was clearly up.

"It's just uh..we got married here," she announced and it clicked into place for him. "Well, I mean I know we didn't and everything but-"

"Hey, no you don't need to explain," he interrupted. He hadn't thought about how weird this would be for her, coming to the place where she could 'remember' a wedding that never actually happened. Their wedding. God, he would never get used to saying that, even if by some miracle they did end up getting married one day. "We can head back?" The last thing he wanted was for her to spend the whole weekend feeling uncomfortable.

He was sweet. There was no other way to describe the man who had just driven them a couple of hours out of the city and was willing to turn straight back around because of her. "No," she told him defiantly. "I appreciate the offer but I'm sure I can manage a few days in this house with the beach so close by. It just hit me a bit when we pulled up, that's all." She smiled at him to tell him she meant it. Despite having 'memories' of the wedding they had had in this house, Beckett had never actually been here before. All she knew was what Castle had described to her - she supposed she had formed her thoughts based on that. But standing outside the house she felt like she'd been to a million times when she never had was a little weird.

"Okay..if you're sure?"

"I'm sure," she promised. "Now come on, I'm hungry."

This time it was him following her up towards the house, chuckling as he went. They found the kitchen fully stocked; he had sent a quick message to Henry - who managed the house when it was empty - while Beckett had been getting some clothes, letting him know they were coming for the weekend, and he had done a wonderful job of stocking the fridge and the cupboards with food and drink for them for the weekend.

"So, an early dinner and then we can snack if we get hungry later?" He suggested. They'd left their bags by the front door, going in search of some food before unpacking.

"Sounds good," she smiled, settling herself down in a seat at the kitchen counter. "What're you cooking me?"

She was playful this evening, a glint in her eye that he had to admit, he was a little in love with. "So I'm cooking am I?" He asked, as if there was a chance she would be cooking. "Bit presumptuous of you, Beckett."

"I'm the guest!" She shot back with a grin. "And I got shot…"

"Low blow, Detective," he said, joking slightly. Like he'd deny her anything anyway, he'd already made a pact with himself to make sure she had everything she ever needed. "So, what do you fancy?"

"You."

He dropped the apple he had just picked up, his gaze snapping to hers immediately. "You..um..we.." he stuttered. It seemed he wasn't able to form full sentences right now after _that_ comment.

"God, your face was a picture," she laughed. She wasn't sure swhat had made her say it and maybe she should be regretting it but it had been so easy to fire back at him when he'd asked. And to be honest, they were skirting around the edge of a relationship now, he had to know she found him attractive. He just wasn't used to her being so brazen about how she felt.

"You're a wicked woman Katherine Beckett," he pouted, taking a bite of the apple he had dropped earlier.

"Oh, I'll make it up to you," she grinned, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. Teasing him was just so much fun, she couldn't stop.

"I swear to god you need to stop right now," he growled, desperately trying to gain some control over the situation.

"Yeah? Or what?" She was playing with fire and she knew it but she couldn't help herself, they were back in the house their imaginary wedding had been in and things finally seemed like they were back to how they were before their argument.

"Beckett," he warned, thanking whoever was up there that there was a solid kitchen counter between them at the moment.

"Alright alright, I'll stop," she sighed, not wanting to push him too far. Though she was sure the consequences of that would be _thoroughly enjoyable,_ they really should wait until they could talk about their relationship. "So, have you decided what you're cooking me for dinner?"

After announcing he was making spaghetti carbonara - one of Beckett's favourites - he had settled her on the couch with a glass of white wine and a book while he cooked. In all honesty, he had sent her away for a while so that he could compose himself after her earlier comments.

Ten minutes later and Beckett was fully immersed in her book, well, in _Castle's_ book - quite literally. As per her request when he had sat her down in the living room, she had been presented with a copy of Flowers For Your Grave - one of her all time favourites. She had read it countless times but still found herself getting dragged into his storytelling all over again, eyes flying over the pages absorbing his words until she was disturbed by the ringing of her cell phone from next to her on the couch.

"Beckett," she answered absent-mindedly, eyes still running over the last paragraph, not paying any attention to who was calling.

"Uh..Kate?" It was Alexis. "Um..why are you answering my Dads phone?"

Beckett drew the phone away from her ear before concluding that Alexis was right - she hadn't looked when the cell had rung, just assuming it was hers. "Sorry, thought it was mine."

"No worries..is my Dad okay?"

"Oh yeah, he's fine - we're in the Hamptons." She glanced around to get Castle's attention, motioning for him to come over. "He's just making dinner, I'll get him for you." Castle was washing his hands now. "How's your spa trip?"

"Brilliant! Gram picked the most amazing place..it's great here!" In fact, Alexis thought Kate would enjoy herself at the spa, she made a mental note to suggest it at a later date. "So how come you and Dad are in the Hamptons?"

"Your Dads idea," Beckett told her. "He suggested getting away from the city and the heat so here we are!" The two girls chatted for a minute longer before Castle came over to get his phone and speak to his daughter, Kate going back to her book until he was done and they could sit down for dinner.

It didn't take long, Alexis had just been calling to check in and see how they were doing; she and Martha were heading out for dinner soon.

"So," Castle mused over the spaghetti. "How come you can answer my phone but I can't answer yours?" There had been a time a couple of months ago when her cell had rung and she had been in the bathroom at the precinct, so he'd answered it - after her reaction he wasn't in a hurry to repeat that again anytime soon.

"I thought it was mine," she told him with an eye roll. "I was too lost in your book to look properly." Flattery was sure to get his mind off of her answering his phone. "This carbonara is amazing.."

They whiled away the rest of the evening with a few more glasses of wine and a movie. Despite the warm temperatures outside, the house was equipped with air conditioning and along with the sea breeze coming in through the patio doors, it was a pleasant evening. Beckett was looking forward to heading down to the beach the following day though, just relaxing in the sun, maybe taking a paddle in the water if she felt up to it.

Beckett couldn't help but think how natural this felt, being in the Hamptons with Castle. Despite her initial worries when they had first arrived surrounding her previous memories, she could already see that this was going to be a good trip - not just to relax and get some sun on the beach or by the pool, but also for her and Castle. With the conversation they had had before they'd left about how she wanted to stay with him and that she hadn't felt like this before, she was hoping they could use this trip to talk about where they stood.

Her memories had slowly been working their way back over the past few days and although they had agreed to wait until everything was back to normal before they talked about their relationship - or until the six weeks were up - she was starting to think they weren't going to be waiting that long. She hadn't been able to stop herself from flirting with him earlier and dancing around a relationship was getting boring; she was longing for some clarity. To know exactly how he felt and what he wanted so that they could move forward and start something, they'd waited too long already.

"You wanna head to bed soon?" Castle asked, feeling sleepy himself and noting that Beckett looked a little worn out. He had been so pleased when she had agreed to the trip, especially with how things had been between them recently. And then the flirting earlier? God she was pushing him to his limits.

"Yeah, I'm pretty beat," she admitted.

"Let's turn in then." Castle switched off the tv and closed all the windows and doors. The Hamptons was a pretty safe place but still, he wasn't up for inviting potential criminals into his house. "So, my bedroom is down here and so is one of the guest rooms." They hadn't discussed the sleeping arrangements yet. "There are more bedrooms upstairs but you don't have to do the stairs if you don't want to." She nodded at him, not saying anything. "So uh..you don't have to share with me while we're here!" He was hoping his humour would break the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

"Oh yeah?" She answered eventually. "And what if I wanna share with you?"

Castle didn't say anything, he simply grinned and took her hand in his, leading her to his bedroom.

* * *

 **A/N: I apologise for the delay in getting this up. I received some bad news a few days back within the family and didn't get around to writing. Thoughts welcome on this chapter, I'll try and get another one up soon.**


	17. Chapter 17

_Castle didn't say anything, he simply grinned and took her hand in his, leading her to his bedroom._

* * *

Wincing slightly at the dull ache in her chest as she stretched, Beckett blinked a few times to bring the room into better focus. It was still light out, the sun still burning in the sky, just a little lower than it had been when she had taken a nap. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was only 5.30pm, she'd only slept for an hour or so. The bedroom door was slightly ajar and the smells coming from the kitchen were incredible, it seemed as if Castle was cooking them dinner - he was a great cook, (minus the smorelette) so if he was cooking dinner then Beckett was very excited.

They'd had a lovely day together for their first full day in the Hamptons. After breakfast, they had dressed in their beach gear and headed down to the sea and the sand. Even as early as 10am it had been blazing hot, and the slow walk down had been a tortuous one. Beckett longed for the day she was feeling up to sprinting down and racing him into the ocean. However Castle had remained patient with her, not getting frustrated at her lack of speed and sticking with her despite her insistence that he go on ahead and set up. The beach had been fairly empty when they'd arrived, Castle planting deck chairs and towels down for them, even adding an umbrella to give them some shade from the sweltering heat.

He'd nearly fainted at the sight of her in a swimsuit.

She was lucky really - one of her swimsuits was one that covered her wound and the small dressing that was covering it at the moment. It wasn't her favourite - that wasn't one that would have completely covered her dressing, and she wasn't too comfortable showing that off just yet. But the one she had chosen was an emerald green colour, a sort of halter top that covered her chest completely. There were parts at the top cut out, giving it a more fun look, as well as matching bottoms. In all honesty, she didn't think it was all that flattering - but then it was probably the least amount of clothing Castle had ever seen her in. And she had to admit, her heart had started beating a little faster when he'd stripped down to nothing but his swimming shorts.

So they had spent the morning lazing on the beach, soaking up the sun and people watching. Obviously Castle was an avid people-watcher - kind of came with the job - but Beckett enjoyed it too. She liked making up stories of how the people she saw were related, or of how they had met. They'd ventured down to the water after a little while, dipping their toes into the freezing Atlantic. Beckett wasn't up for swimming, not by a long shot, but even Castle wasn't brave enough to take the plunge - despite the soaring outside temperatures, the sea was almost like ice!

They'd both brought books down with them, the two of them happy to sit together silently, reading and relaxing. It had been around 1pm when Beckett's stomach had made the loudest rumble - Castle even hearing it over the rush of the waves. So he'd announced that then was a good time to get some lunch, packing their belongings away and heading back up to the house. After a quick shower each and a change of clothes, Castle had driven them down to the local restaurants where they had dined outside in the courtyard of a lovely little place where Castle seemed to know the owner.

They'd arrived back at the house at 3.30 and Beckett had immediately gone off for a nap. The combination of still healing and all the fresh sea air had near enough knocked her out, and Castle had been happy to spend some time alone. But Beckett was awake now and there was no way she was getting back to sleep for another hours rest with the smells wafting in from the kitchen.

It wasn't until after she had used the en-suite bathroom to freshen up that she saw it. A dress bag hanging from the top of the wardrobe door with a note pinned to it. Frowning slightly, she made her way towards it and picked up the note, unfolding it to read.

 _Kate,_

 _I know you hate it when I take away your control but please, hear me out. I wanted us to have a proper date night and I wasn't sure you were up to spending an entire night out at a restaurant, and we aren't always alone at the loft. So I figured here was the best place for us to do it._

 _So in the bag you'll find a dress - and yes, you are keeping it and no, you're not paying me back for it._

Oh, he knew her so well. She chuckled before continuing to read his note.

 _So slip into the dress - I think you'll find it's the perfect size. Put on a little makeup if you want - you know I think you're beautiful without anyway. Dinner will be ready at 7, so meet me in the kitchen and be ready to be wooed._

 _Love,  
_ _Rick._

Damn adorable man. Kate couldn't help but grin as she unzipped the bag, her mouth falling open on a gasp as she saw the dress. It was.. _beautiful,_ there was no other word to describe it. It was even more amazing than the dress he had brought her for the ball surrounding the Delgado case.

Floor length, it was a gorgeous purple colour, silk and just.. _amazing._ It had thick straps that would sit on her shoulders and there was a slit that ran from the floor and would rest at the top of her thigh. Even just by looking at it she could tell it would fit, Castle really did have an eye for these things.

Once she was showered she sat at the dresser wondering where to begin with her hair and makeup. Despite the fact that they weren't actually leaving the house, she still wanted to make an effort - a dress like that deserved special treatment. She blow dried her damp hair, teasing it into soft curls, before pinning some back and leaving some to flow around her. She didn't go too heavy on the makeup, remembering Castle's comment about how he thought she was beautiful without it. Finally, she slipped into the dress he had picked out for her - and it seemed all his years of observing her had paid off; the dress fit like a glove. It rumpled a little around her ankles - perhaps designed to be worn with heels - but for one they were staying in, she didn't need shoes. And she could just about manage to walk in flats, it would be a while before she was back in her heels. Anyway, the dress flowed nicely around her feet when she moved..it really was perfect.

After one final glance in the mirror, she was ready. It was twenty before 7 now, so she planned to meet Castle out in the kitchen and maybe help with dinner.

"Nice suit, Castle," she grinned, announcing her presence in the kitchen. He had his back to her but turned to face her when he heard her speak.

"Thank you, Bec- _wow_ ," his eyes widened as he took her in. "You..you look incredible.." how had he got this lucky?

"You don't look so bad yourself." He had gone all out too, dressing in a suit and bow tie; she had to admit, he really did look ruggedly handsome right now. "Thank you for the dress, by the way..it's beautiful."

Secretly he thought it was the woman in the dress that made it so beautiful but he wasn't sure he was up to forming coherent sentences right now, not when she was stood in front of him looking like she did.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

Words. He needed to form words. "Oh..um no..here-" he poured her a glass of red from the bottle on the side. "Take this and make yourself comfy in the living room, dinner will be about five minutes."

Beckett simply smiled at him before doing as he had said, taking a sip of her wine as she sat. God, the man even chose good _wine._ She needed those memories back now. Not _doing anything_ was damn near killing her..especially with the effort he had made this evening. Seriously, when the hell had he found time to buy her a dress?! He was perfect and she was so scared that he was going to get bored of waiting and go and find someone who could jump into something with him straight away. Perhaps she could see how dinner this evening went and then broach the subject with him, suggest maybe they start something sooner rather than later; six week plan be damned.

Glancing over the back of the sofa, she watched him cook. She loved watching him when he was like this - so engrossed in what he was doing, not paying attention to anything around him; it was like when he had a really good rhythm going when he sat down to write. She had to admit, it kind of did it for her..

She was startled from her slightly inappropriate thoughts by Castle appearing next to her, announcing that dinner was ready. He smiled, taking her hand and leading her to the table in the dining room he had laid out.

"Castle, this is beautiful." He had dimmed the lights, lighting candles around the room to make it more romantic. There was a red rose laid across her plate, and the table was dressed perfectly..napkins rolled into lotus flowers, full sets of cutlery laid out neatly and the bottle of wine he had poured from earlier in the middle of the table.

He pulled out her chair for her, and she slid into place. "I'll be back in a moment." He left the table, disappearing back into the kitchen to get their food. "Here," he announced, placing a small glass in front of her. "I made you chicken satay to start."

"This is one of my-"

"Favourites. I know." That's why he had made it. Whenever they ordered Chinese at the precinct Beckett always made sure to add the chicken satay skewers to their order. "Homemade is so much better though."

Beckett took a bite and realised he was right. "Oh wow, Castle this is amazing!" She had never made it herself, but it was so much better than the takeout version - he was going to ruin that for her now. "I can't believe you've done all of this.." he had gone to so much effort for her and her heart was close to bursting..the man was perfect.

"I thought you deserved a proper date," he shrugged. "And I knew you wouldn't want to go out at the moment, so I figured this was a suitable alternative."

"This is better," she insisted. "I wouldn't get your homemade food if we went out."

"That is true," he mused, taking a bite of his own food. He was so happy she liked his idea of doing date night here, it had been a risk in buying her a dress and basically taking control over her evening but she seemed to be enjoying herself so far.

After the chicken satay came the main course, and Castle had cooked steak - he wrinkled his nose as he placed Beckett's in front of her. "I don't know how you can eat it like that," he groaned as if she were personally offending him. "I mean, who takes their steak medium to well done?"

"I just don't want my meat still mooing, Castle," she laughed , screwing her own face up at the pink medium-rare steak he was tucking into. "But thank you, for cooking it how I like it."

They shared a glance before he answered, a thousand silent words passing between them before he spoke the one that mattered the most. "Always, Kate."

The rest of their 'date' passed without anymore digs at how the other ate their food. The steak, accompanied by steamed vegetables and new potatoes, was followed by Beckett's all time favourite dessert - warm chocolate fudge cake with whipped cream. Castle had admitted that this part wasn't homemade, he had had it delivered from a local bakery - it was so good that Beckett didn't care where it had come from. After their meal, Castle prevented Beckett from starting on the dishes, insisting he would load the dishwasher later and the cleaner was coming in the morning anyway. The two of them migrated to the sofa, Castle topping up their glasses of wine.

"This has been incredible, Castle," Beckett said to him, snuggling into his side. "Thank you so much." She had no idea what she had done right to deserve him.

"You're welcome," he smiled, placing a kiss on her hairline. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I did," she confirmed. "And I'm glad I came here with you instead of going home." She felt that was important to stay given the discussion they had had before heading out here.

"Good," he said. "So uh..are you definitely staying then? At the loft I mean?" He had been dying to ask but didn't want to scare her off again.

"If you still want me," she replied, turning to look at him. He simply smiled at her. "I'll take that as a yes then..so yes, Castle, I'm staying with you. No more running."

"But you nearly did," he pointed out. He wasn't looking for an argument, didn't want to do anything to spoil their evening but he had to bring it up. "You decided to go back home instead of talk to me about how you were feeling."

"I know, Castle," she sighed. "And I'm sorry. Things got tricky and the easiest thing to do was run." It was what she was good at, after all. "But not anymore."

"Good, because that's not what marriage is about. And before you say we're not really married," he added as she made to interrupt. "It still sticks. If things get hard, we talk about it, we don't run away - no matter what the easiest option may be. Okay?"

Wow, this was going to take some work. "Okay," she agreed eventually. "We talk and work things out."

"Perfect," he grinned, hugging her tighter. There was no way he was letting her go, not in a million years.

* * *

 **A/N: thank you for all of your lovely comments. We recently found out that my grandad only has a couple of months to live so it wasn't particularly nice news. Sorry again for the wait for this chapter. Just a heads up: I think there's going to be 19,** _ **maybe**_ **20 chapters, so we are quite near the end now. Thoughts welcome on this chapter, and thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to review so far.**

 **PS: the dress I put Beckett in here is the one she wore to the Elton John fundraiser a few years back, google it if you haven't seen it.  
** **Also, I assume you do get chicken satay in Chinese takeout in America? It's one of my faves when I get it here!**


	18. Chapter 18

" _Perfect," he grinned, hugging her tighter. There was no way he was letting her go, not in a million years._

* * *

It was the birds that woke her. The soft tweeting as they flew about in the early morning sunshine, drifting over the beach and hovering over the sunrise joggers that were sure to be down there. It was only 7 but Beckett could tell she wasn't getting back to sleep now; she didn't feel right, something was off and she couldn't figure out what..

She climbed over the empty bed and made her way to the bathroom, checking her reflection as she passed the mirror. Nothing seemed off about that, her wild curls framing her slightly tanned face - she was going to need to run a brush through those. Her green toothbrush was next to a blue one on the sink, so she picked it up and freshened herself up slightly - she could do with a shower but however off she felt, she hadn't missed the smell of coffee coming from outside the bedroom, showering could wait for a little bit longer. After taming her lion hair, she padded out into the kitchen - following her nose.

She stopped in her tracks at the sight of the back of a familiar figure making his way around the kitchen. "Castle?"

"Beckett!" He said, tossing the tea towel down onto the counter and turning towards her. "Morning! How did you- wait, you don't look happy? Did I wake you?" He knew she was usually grouchy if she hadn't had her coffee but the stern look on her face right now was something else, made him feel immediately as though he had done something wrong.

"Um..Castle? What's going on?" She looked around, at the two wine glasses still on the coffee table in the lounge, and her favourite pair of converse tucked away neatly by the front door.

"I'm cooking breakfast?" He replied innocently. He thought it was fairly obvious what he was doing, perhaps she was still half asleep.

"No, not that," she told him impatiently with a wave of her hand. "I mean what are _we_ doing? Here..in your Hamptons house?"

Realisation hit him like a tonne of bricks. Her confused expression at finding him here in the kitchen suddenly making an awful lot more sense. "You mean..you don't remember coming here?" He had to tread lightly, if this was what he thought it was, it wasn't going to be an easy day.

"I.." she racked her brains, trying to figure out if she did remember. "I think I do. It was a couple days ago, right?" He nodded. "I just don't know _why_ we came here?" More specifically, why she came here with him.

Okay. Time to pull out the big one. "Uh..Kate? Do you..remember our wedding?"

The look on her face was the only answer he needed.

"What wedding, Castle?" Oh wow he had missed that tone, the one that came with a hint of warning and yet still managed to knock him sideways.

And _oh god_ , this was it. The moment he had been simultaneously dreading and willing to hurry up. The breakfast he had been planning on surprising her in bed with was long forgotten, just two cups of steaming coffee stationed on the worktop.

"Here," he muttered weakly, passing her a cup and leading her to the sofa. "Come sit." He didn't know where to start. For one, he wasn't a hundred percent sure she had her memories back because he hadn't talked to her but from the confused look on her face, he was going to assume they were here. He was worried out of his mind, realising that if she was going to run and not turn back, now would be the time that she did it - and he wasn't going to accept losing her, that wasn't an option anymore.

"Castle?" She prompted. "Have I woken up in some alternate universe where you and I are married?"

Oh, if only she knew the irony of that question. Well, it seemed like it was story time - and there was nothing he did better than tell a good story. Expect maybe annoy Beckett, that was.

"So..so do you remember your shooting?" That seemed like a good place to start, the event that had triggered all of this in the first place.

The hand that wasn't holding her coffee mug shot to her chest, fingers brushing over the the dressing there, the one that hid the scar forming underneath. "Yeah," she whispered. "I remember that."

"And what do you remember from after that?" He was realising now that he was way unprepared for this, he should have planned this out weeks ago.

She frowned. What _did_ she remember? "I woke up in the hospital," she said slowly, her mind searching for anything she may be missing out. "And then I came home with you." Well, she might not know why on earth she had gone home with Castle but at least that indicated to her why she might be here right now. "But..why did I go home with you?" Sure, she had been shot but couldn't she have gone to her fathers cabin?

"You uh..you were a little confused when you woke up, Beckett," he told her softly. "You thought we were married."

"I _what?_ " He was joking. Right? He had to be joking, pulling her leg, having her on..whatever you wanted to call it, it couldn't be true. There was no way that had happened and knowing Castle like she did, of course he would make up a story like that. "Nice try, Castle," she smirked. Ha, like she was going to believe that. "But you're not fooling me."

Of all of the reactions he had been imagining, this wasn't one of them. "I'm not joking, Beckett," he reiterated. "When you woke up, you were convinced that you and I had gotten married."

"Right," she scoffed. "And when exactly did this happen?"

"I don't know the exact date, all I know is that when you woke up you had all of these memories of the two of us getting together in the Hampton's that summer I came out here to write. You said we were married a year or so later."

"The summer I broke up with Demming to come here with you?" From the look on his face, she was guessing he didn't actually know about the whole breaking up with Demming part. "I um.."

"So that's true, is it?" He couldn't help but feel a little satisfied at that, it had never actually been confirmed to him by someone who hadn't cooked up a new reality involving the two of them and a marriage.

"Don't be a jerk," she muttered. "But yes, I broke up with Demming to come here with you but it was too late." She didn't particularly want to revisit that right now. "Anyway, that still doesn't mean I believe you. Why on earth would I think we were married?"

"Trust me, I was as surprised as you when I found out," he laughed. "But you had it all figured out. How we'd gotten together, where we'd gotten married..everything."

"I suppose we have a house with a white picket fence in the suburbs and two kids as well, do we?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"No, but say it and it's yours.." She was taking this far better than he had expected, he couldn't help but play around and tease her a little.

She silenced him with a look, one he knew oh so well..

"Okay," she sighed. "Take it from the top. Start with my shooting and give me a summary of what's happened since."

Good. They were getting somewhere. "So, I came to see you in the hospital after you woke up from surgery," he was leaving out the part about Josh being there for now. "And you were convinced that we were married. We talked for a bit about what you remembered and we figured that everything up the Hamptons trip we had down the same, and then for you everything changed. You had a psych eval - apparently even after years of putting up with me you aren't certifiably insane, in case you were wondering - and they said it was normal. After a big trauma like yours, some memory problems were to be expected." She nodded, not saying anything so he continued. "You needed some help at first, the doctor wanted you to have someone to stay with and so you moved in with me..well, temporarily at first but then we just got into a routine. And then I guess..here we are." There wasn't really much else to say.

"I think that kinda fits," she said and he stared at her in confusion. "Well I remember waking up and moving to the loft..it was temporary, correct?" He nodded. "But..but I stayed?" Another nod. "Right. So..so you and I..are we, um..like do we-"

"Are you trying to ask me if we're together?" He asked with a smirk and she nodded, cheeks flaming. "Trust me, Beckett. If we were _together_ like the way you're thinking about right now, you'd damn sure remember it."

Oh sweet Jesus she needed a cold shower.

"Okay um..so.." god this was confusing, and she was still a little skeptical about the story she had apparently cooked up. "I remember the last few weeks," she realised. "Being at the loft..the appointments with Burke..it was just a little fuzzy as to why I was with you in the first place but I guess you've explained that." Had she really thought up an entire history with Castle? The man who drove her insane and pushed her boundaries and pissed her off daily and..and..and the one who was there for her, no matter what.

"You uh, you wrote it all down," he told her. "A couple of weeks ago, when the memories started coming back you got a notebook and wrote down everything you could remember about before the shooting, in your world. I brought it here with us, you wanna see it?" She nodded and he got up to go and get it for her. "I'll uh..give you some time to read it. I'm gonna go write for a bit out by the pool before it gets too hot. Come find me if you need me, 'kay?"

"Sure," she muttered, skimming through the notebook, noticing her own handwriting on the pages.

Castle glanced back at her once more before he retrieved his laptop from the bedroom, but her head was already buried in her notes. Despite how well she had taken the news, Castle was still scared. At the moment, everything was just sinking in, she was reading through her own thoughts, helping her to understand what had happened over the past few weeks. But once she'd done that, there was nothing stopping her from running.

Granted, he had the upper hand given that they were in the Hamptons and he had driven them here so her options were pretty limited, but there was nothing stopping her from calling Espo or Ryan to come and collect her and take her back to the city.

But there was nothing he could do at the moment, she needed time to get everything straight in her head and as much as he hated it, right now he needed to give her space. Besides, Rook was in trouble - Nikki had some work to do.

Back in the living room, Beckett was still curled up on the sofa with her notes. She had been pretty detailed, noting down everything that she could 'remember' at the time - even if it made no sense or was out of context. This was the craziest day she could ever remember - and it was barely even 8.30am. Unless she had been drugged and forced to write under duress, then the story Castle had told her about waking up and thinking they were married was true - they were her words on the pages, she couldn't deny that.

She let out a laugh, the hilarity of the situation hitting her. If she knew Castle like she thought she did, then he must have loved this. She had known for quite some time before her shooting that things between them were more than just friends or partners, but life kept getting in the way..and she wasn't ready to let him in, she'd needed more time.

But when she thought about it properly, it even half made sense that she would think this up in the situation she had been in. Although she had never admitted it, she knew she had feelings for Castle and she was pretty sure they were reciprocated, who knew where they might be now if she hadn't been shot, if they'd had the chance themselves to get together. Although, on the other hand - they hadn't figured it out in three years so maybe this was the push they needed to finally take the plunge and start something together.

Some things in her notes she needed clarification on though, so she drained the last of the coffee from her mug and headed out towards to the pool to find Castle.

"Hey," she smiled, taking a seat on the sun lounger beside him, immediately sinking into the soft cushions. "How's Nikki doing?"

"Oh you know," he grinned, "saving the world, kicking ass, the usual." It hadn't taken Beckett as long as he had thought it would to come out to him. "You finished reading?"

"Yeah," she told him, glancing down at the book in her hands. "A few times, actually." She hadn't wanted to miss anything out. "There's um..a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about though."

"Shoot," he said, closing the laptop and placing it on the table next to him. He had assumed she would have questions after everything she had learnt in the past hour.

"I um..I wrote in here about an argument we had?" It had been dated a few weeks ago and it was the only one she had written about so either it was the only one they had had or it was the only important one. "It seems as if I felt guilty for what I said..I mean, from what I wrote in here I was torn up about it, so I guess I just wanted to apologise if I haven't already done so for taking things out on you."

"Don't worry about it," he reassured her. "Things haven't always been easy over the past few weeks and I think I'm only now realising how much has happened, since explaining it to you. Things were bound to get a little heated every now and then." His stomach was in knots. She still hadn't really given a huge amount away and he had absolutely no idea where they stood right now. "I never really hid how I felt and you were scared to commit to anything when you didn't remember before the shooting. I mean, that's why we came out here, really, to get away. We're supposed to be here until tomorrow but we can head back today if you want."

"No no, we can stay," she smiled. "I think maybe I'm gonna need the time just the two of us to get my head around everything before we head back, anyway!"

That was a good sign, the tension in Castle's stomach dissipating slightly at the fact that she wasn't running screaming back to the city.

"Back to what you were saying..about how you never really hid how you felt?" She said and he nodded, wondering where this was going. "When I got shot, I remember you saying you loved me. Did that actually happen?"

"Yes." He answered without thinking, giving her the truth straight up.

"And..and do you um.."

"Yes." He knew what she was going to ask, knew she was wondering if he still loved her and of course he did, he'd never stop loving her.

"One more question?" She'd come back to that in a minute but there was something else she needed answering before they could go any further. "When I got shot, wasn't I with Josh? Where is he now?"

* * *

 **A/N: thank you for all of your lovely comments on the last chapter, and for your kind words about my grandad. I don't live near him so I'm going to see him tomorrow, essentially for the last time. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you all individually! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's really what the whole thing has been leading up to..as I said before, a chapter or 2 left and then we're done! Thoughts welcome on this chapter :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: so here we go, this is the last chapter**!

* * *

" _When I got shot, wasn't I with Josh? Where is he now?"_

* * *

Oops. Castle had conveniently _forgotten_ to mention Doctor Motorcycle Boy in their conversations so far. Of all of the things he wished she could remember right now, it was that. That she had chucked him out of her hospital room in favour of keeping Castle around, that she had effectively broken up with her boyfriend to have him there instead. However he knew he was going to have to tell her, he couldn't keep it from her. Of course he wanted her to know, he just didn't want to be the one to tell her - although he had been the only other witness to their break up, and he highly doubted Josh was going to be up for explaining it.

"Castle?" Beckett prompted and he realised he'd been silent for a good couple of minutes, lost in his own thoughts.

"Sorry. Um right, okay." Where did he begin? "So..so you woke up in the hospital, and Josh was the one who called me."

" _Josh_ called _you_?" Beckett asked, raising an eyebrow. Despite remaining civil towards each other in person, she knew both men weren't too fond of the other. She would have thought that the doctor would have called her father, or even Javi and Ryan, who would then have thought to let Castle know.

"Mm," Castle murmured in confirmation, recalling the conversation. "He called me to tell me that you were awake and that's when he told me that you thought you and I were married."

"Oh.." Okay this wasn't good. She had woken up from heart surgery to tell her boyfriend to go and call the man who wasn't exactly his best friend, because she wanted to see him - and to top it off she was imaginary-married to this guy? "I can't imagine that went down well?" She was half wishing she could remember this part, it was sure to have been entertaining to say the least.

"Not really. So anyway, I get to the hospital to see you and I sit down and-"

"Castle," she snapped. "Get to the point." Normally she loved the way he told a story but right now wasn't the time for details, she needed facts.

"Right, sorry." He had the decency to look a little sorry. "So I'm talking to you, asking how you are and then you get all upset at me because I'm not wearing a wedding ring - you know, because you thought-"

"Yes yes, I know that part," she huffed, willing him to get a move on. Though getting upset at him not wearing a ring? The shooting had made her a sap.

"Sorry. Right..so I have to break it to you that we're not actually married - and I think Josh was in the room by this point too and he's getting all angry cause I don't think he really likes me..did he ever say anything to you?"

"Castle," she warned on a growl.

"Right right, not the time. Okay so it takes a minute for you to get it and then Doctor Motorcycle Boy asks me to leave and you tell him no, you want me to stay and _then_ he's really not happy, like he starts saying all this stuff about how he's watched us for months and never said anything but always felt out of the loop, you know? That you and I had all these private jokes and things he didn't understand and he said if leaves, he's not coming back and you don't say anything so he just..goes."

Beckett was silent. So she'd sort of not really broken up with her boyfriend..technically, he broke up with her, he was the one who left. But then she didn't ask him to stay, either.

"You're right, Castle," she said eventually. "Josh didn't really like you." And she got up, making her way back into the house for more coffee, leaving him following behind like a puppy.

"But..but I was _nice_ to him," he whined, taking the coffee off of Beckett and pouring it himself. "And I didn't even like him and his stupid motorbike and-"

"Castle," she interrupted with a hint of a grin playing on her lips. "Are we really going to talk about whether or not you got along with my apparently now ex boyfriend?"

"No," he pouted like a petulant child. But really, what had he ever done for Josh to dislike him so much? "So..you're okay with breaking up with him? Even though you only really kinda did it 'cause you thought you were married to me?"

"It would have happened eventually," she shrugged and he nearly dropped his coffee. "Oh come on, Castle," she laughed. "You know what he was like - there one minute, off saving the world the next."

"I thought you liked that." The only reason he'd never really talked about Josh with her - well, besides from the burning jealousy - was that he thought Josh was what she wanted, thought having someone with just a busy life as hers worked for her.

"I guess I did, at first," she admitted. "But you see, there was this writer who _never_ left me alone, no matter how much I tried and I kinda realised that I was pretty crazy about him."

Oh..wow. Okay, so biggest sign yet that they might have a chance. God, he was so in love with her it almost hurt. "It's only taken me three years to get you to admit it," he teased and she pushed him lightly on the arm. "So um, how much of the past few weeks do you remember?" Surely she must remember some of it, there was no way she would admit to being crazy about him otherwise.

"Well you already know I remember staying with you.." he nodded. "And my appointments with Burke." Another nod. "And..oh my god have we been sharing a bed?" She took his chuckle as confirmation. Oh dear lord..she had been sharing a bed for the past few weeks with _Castle?!_

"You couldn't manage the stairs," he explained with a shrug. "My guest room is upstairs, I offered to switch but you said you'd feel bad.." It was the truth, she couldn't argue with that. Although she was eyeing him suspiciously right now.. "Nothing happened," he added to calm her down. "Though you are quite the snuggler, I didn't expect that." Really, he was only giving this much away because of what she had said. Kate Beckett was crazy about him..he had to stop himself from grinning like a cheshire cat at that.

"Anything else you wanna share?" She muttered, running a hand through her hair. Sure, she had pretty much admitted how she felt but had she really _snuggled in bed_ with him when she wasn't actually herself?!

"Not yet," he winked. "Honestly, I half expected you to run once this all came out."

"Where would I go, Castle?" She pointed out. "We're at your house in the Hamptons, I can't just jump in a cab and go back to my place."

"Well..it's just I know you. I know you're probably scared out of your mind right now and the easiest thing for you to do would be to run away and never look back so I'm grateful that you're still here, and that you're talking to me."

"It was about time though really, wasn't it?"

"I- we, you..Beckett?" Had she really just…?

"Castle, you've been trying to get into my pants since day one."

He thought about denying it but yeah, it was true. "Your point?" He asked, not giving her the satisfaction of actually agreeing with her.

"My point is that this is way overdue. We've been dancing around this for months, years. I mean yeah, you were an annoying, childish, jackass when we first met, but I soon saw past that." Not that he wasn't still annoying. And childish. And yeah, she supposed he could still be a jackass on occasion too. But her was _her_ annoying, childish, jackass. And she was keeping him. "And you know, maybe in a weird, twisted kinda way this was a good thing? 'Cause look at us now, we're sitting here like adults, talking about our feelings."

Wow, he had to admit - he was loving this open, talkative side of her. Since the day she had joined him at the loft after leaving the hospital he had been dreading this moment, but now that it was actually here he was wishing it had come sooner. "I'm glad you came to stay with me, you know?" He loved going to sleep with her at his side every night and waking up to her every morning and he never wanted that to end.

She smiled at him. "Yeah? I mean I can remember most of it, so I guess I'm glad I came to stay, too."

"Good. And I don't know if you remember, but I seem to recall you saying you'd stay for good.."

Beckett thought on that one for a minute. Had she said that? She didn't _think_ he'd be making it up, but with Castle you could never be sure. Except she could - she knew him better than she knew herself and one look into his eyes and she could tell he wasn't lying. "Vaguely," she muttered. Her head was set to explode any second. She seemed to be remembering everything right up to the shooting okay, and then after that it was a little fuzzy. She remembered most of it, and the rest she had picked up from her notebook, but a lot had happened - she was bound to be slightly confused for a while. And it wasn't even lunchtime yet. And she had to admit - knowing that she had agreed to move in with her not-quite boyfriend was scaring her and comforting her at the same time.

"So what happens now?" He hadn't meant for it to come out quite so soon, he knew how much information she had been bombarded with in the last hour or two and he really had meant to give her a little time to digest everything, but he couldn't help himself. They had done so well at talking everything through so far, he didn't want to stop now.

"I uh..well what do you want to happen?" She asked, probably unnecessarily but stalling so she didn't have to answer just yet.

This was it, his make or break. "I love you, Kate."

She sucked in a breath at his not so secret revelation. She already knew that, he had confirmed not that long ago that he had whispered it to her as she lay in his arms after being shot, so it wasn't really much of a surprise to her.

"I have done since not long after we met," he continued. "Yes, when I first met you I just wanted to get into your pants-" she rolled her eyes "-but I soon realised it was more than that. _You_ are more than that." She had no idea how amazing she was. "You are the most stubborn, infuriating, hot headed, temperamental woman I have _ever_ met, but I love you, Kate, so much."

She wasn't going to cry, no way, that was not happening. She was not going to let her favourite authors words reduce her to tears. But damnit he loved her, like properly actually loved her.

"I think I first admitted to myself that there was something between us the summer you came here," she revealed to him. "But seeing you with Gina hurt and so I met Josh, and then when you came back we weren't really in a place to talk about us. But I wanted to, I was just scared. I thought you'd gotten bored of waiting for me so I pretended to move on but I never really did, I still wanted you." She felt awful admitting that out loud, letting him know that nearly every minute she had spent with Josh she had been wishing it were Castle instead. "I mean, I'd like to think that we would have figured it out eventually but it seems that this has been the push we needed to finally admit everything." And boy did it feel good to get all of this off her chest and out into the open. "I mean, over the past few weeks we've practically been a couple anyway, I've been staying at your loft and I came here with you..and I'm pretty sure I read in my notebook that you kissed me once or twice?" She asked the last question with a hint of a smile on her lips.

"You were rambling," he muttered. "It was cute. And you wouldn't shut up."

"Any excuse, eh, Castle?" She laughed at his face, he really was adorable sometimes. "And now I hear we've been sharing a bed so I guess we're a couple..just without.."

"A label," he finished for her. "And the sex.." he added as an afterthought, bracing himself for another punch to his arm for that remark.

But she didn't hit him. Instead, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, cheeks blushing slightly at his comment. "Well, you know," her voice dropping to a sultry whisper. "I think I'm probably feeling up to that now.."

Oh Jesus she was going to kill him. He was half tempted to throw himself into the pool in an attempt to cool off to stop himself from jumping her there and then. But he couldn't, not quite yet; they still needed to figure out exactly where they stood and what happened from here.

"So um..you love me," Beckett began slowly. "And..I love you." Castle grinned. "So..is there anything else we need to discuss?"

"Um, no..I don't think so. Unless..you have more you'd like to talk about?" She loved him. Best day ever.

"No, I'm good," she smiled at him.

"So..are we putting a label on it now then?"

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Castle?"

"Well yeah, I guess so..unless you just want me to propose now and save time?" He was going ring shopping the second they got back to the city - he'd drag Lanie and Alexis out with him if it came to it, he needed to find her the perfect engagement ring.

She rolled her eyes; trust him to be jumping ahead to that already. "Don't think you're getting away with it that easily, I want a proper proposal, please."

"Are you ever going to stop surprising me?" He gasped. "Jeez, one of these days you're going to give me a heart attack.."

"Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"Stop talking and take me to bed."

His grin at that said more than enough.

* * *

 **A/N: and we're done! Thank you to EVERYONE who has taken the time to review, follow and favourite this story. Also, to those of you who have tweeted about this - mainly Castle Fic Promoter and PFK_FF who have tweeted alerts to pretty much every new chapter - thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I'll see what the response is like to this chapter, I may do an epilogue if there's enough interest but I will mark it as complete for now. I'm so happy so many people are still reading and writing after the end of the show and I hope you've all enjoyed my 'return to the fic writing world' story! I do have some ideas for new stories floating about so I'll probably get one started soon! Let me know what you thought on this chapter/the story as a whole.**

 **Feel free to follow me on twitter: jadeccx.**


End file.
